Nijinski’s Last Leap

[PrinceMyshkin]

Somewhere, on this round earth,
two lovers are preparing
to make love
as if for their first time,
which it is.

They’ve each made love with others,
baby-chicken-stuck-in-your-throat kind of love,
muscle-bound love, cheeks on fire
kind of love, but this

-–this is Nijinski’s last leap,
from which he never descended.

[AuntShecky]

Long time, no see, Prince!

I like the two closing lines of this.

[Delta40]

This is well written and structured in that one can feel the level of passion increasing with each line. I love the faltering breath between S2 L4 and the closing lines. I think you should strike 'which it is' but a wonderful short piece. It's so good to read your poetry again Prince.

[Bar22do]

Very good. Welcome back, PM.

[hillwalker]

Perhaps I'm missing something but I don't get any of this -

'somewhere on this round earth'
reads terribly awkwardly to me - what other shape would it be?

'two lovers
are preparing to make love
as if for the first time
which it is'

is repetitive - hardly poetic (because of that weak fourth line) - and makes no sense because you contradict this closing statement in the following stanza

'baby-chicken-stuck-in-your-throat kind of love,
muscle-bound love, cheeks on fire
kind of love'

again awkward - a mish-mash of disconnected imagery that is meaningless (what's a baby chicken? a chick or an egg? and how does having it stuck in your throat determine the nature of the love?) - baffling...

and the final couplet - I can't work out where Nijinski features in any of this, and the closing line is again clumsily expressed.

Maybe it's supposed to be so enigmatic that it's not supposed to make sense - but as a portrayal of love-making (balletic or otherwise) this one left me scratching my head I'm afraid.

H

[PrinceMyshkin]

Perhaps I'm missing something but I don't get any of this -

'somewhere on this round earth'
reads terribly awkwardly to me - what other shape would it be?

'two lovers
are preparing to make love
as if for the first time
which it is'

is repetitive - hardly poetic (because of that weak fourth line) - and makes no sense because you contradict this closing statement in the following stanza

'baby-chicken-stuck-in-your-throat kind of love,
muscle-bound love, cheeks on fire
kind of love'

again awkward - a mish-mash of disconnected imagery that is meaningless (what's a baby chicken? a chick or an egg? and how does having it stuck in your throat determine the nature of the love?) - baffling...

and the final couplet - I can't work out where Nijinski features in any of this, and the closing line is again clumsily expressed.

Maybe it's supposed to be so enigmatic that it's not supposed to make sense - but as a portrayal of love-making (balletic or otherwise) this one left me scratching my head I'm afraid.

H

So I blew one, my much respected friend! Which of us has not done that from time to time? Because of the hour I won't try to explicate what I intended by each of the instances you were critical of, but the roundness of the earth is there to make the point that the events that are about to be unfolded could have occured anywhere on earth, that theearth is a seamless whole - and so, implicitly, is the experience of love and loving.

[Delta40]

I didn't read it that way at all. The awkwardness of stuck in your throat line is most appropriate IMHO.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I didn't read it that way at all. The awkwardness of stuck in your throat line is most appropriate IMHO.

Many thanks, chum. I did negotiate with myself over that line, on the standard advice that if you're very fond of a line, you should strike it out, and I did notice that I was patting myself on the back over the vividness of that image, but finally I kept it because it seemed appropriate to that damned awkwardness of that first feeling of irresistible love.

[Clovis]

I'm a Stravinksy fan. Nice little poem, very nice. I haven't a way with words like that, this is for sure.

Big fan of the Boulez DG recording of Le Sacre and Petrushka, also Boulez's older Ebony Concerto on the DG label.

I once started a poem inspired by Goya's depiction of Saturn, 'jaw' rhyming with 'steady gnaw', that's about as far as I got.

[qimissung]

Hi Prince. Well, I like it. I love the second stanza and the final two lines-I don't find the images at all disconnected. No, they are very descriptive of the awkwardness you feel when in the company of someone you are acutely aware of.

I don't mind round earth; it is cliched, although to be honest I didn't really think much about it until I read Hillwalker's outraged comments. And your explanation makes sense. I don't much like this, however:

to make love
as if for their first time,
which it is.

Hey, mister, you're always telling me to show, don't tell. It's practically the mantra around here. I feel certain you can think of a more graceful, poetic way of implying it's their first time as you tell us they are about to make love. Then it will be perfect, like a little egg, warm in your hands.

The sentiment, of course, is beautiful, and your last lines are brilliant, absolutely brilliant. :)

[aliengirl]

Good to see you again Prince. I like this line particularly - "baby-chicken-stuck-in-your-throat kind of love". Your verses are serious most of the time but this one is quite amusing. I think all the lesser mortals can relate to this. :)

[Hawkman]

Hi Prince, and I echo the welcoming sentiments expressed by others at you revisiting of these pages :)

I don't agree with all of the criticisms hill levelled at this piece. I had no problem with the baby chicken line, which I thought expressed its concept rather well. I'm undecided as to whether you need 'round earth.'

Though I have no problem with "as if for the first time," I really don't think you need the qualification of, "which it is." It reads like an afterthought and upsets the pace of the read. I have no other gripes about the poem, merely an observation regarding possible interpretation of the last line.

There is a subtext here which I'm unsure that you intended. The last leap from which he never descended, sound awfully final to me, like a metaphor for death. It gives the poem an edge, as if the lovemaking referred to in S1 is some kind of suicide pact.

Interesting and thought provoking as always, Prince.

Live and be well - H

[Delta40]

Actually that last line is brilliant since Nijinsky 'leapt' into madness as it were after being diagnosed with schizophrenia and spent the latter part of his life in asylums.

[Hawkman]

Hmmm. That's something I hadn't thought of. Another layer to consider... :)

[hillwalker]

Hi Prince,

Not 'blown one' - I just felt I was missing something that everyone else seemed to 'get'. Perhaps I could have expressed my bewildrement more graciously.

'outraged'? Hardly.

H

[PrinceMyshkin]

Thanks Delta, AlienGirl, Bar. Clovis. Qimissung, Hawkman and (again) Hillwalker.

The reference to Nijinski not descending is that he "leapt," as it were from his pyrotechnical flying leaps into legend where he rests still. The analogy is with the most idealistic loveship which becomes in the lovers' mythology eternal.

[aliengirl]

Actually that last line is brilliant since Nijinsky 'leapt' into madness as it were after being diagnosed with schizophrenia and spent the latter part of his life in asylums.

Interesting info Dleta. I didn't know this and it really adds another dimension to this poem.

[Sampson]

I think this poem is great... Particularly the second two stanzas. It all struck me as rather vivid (:

[PrinceMyshkin]

I think this poem is great... Particularly the second two stanzas. It all struck me as rather vivid (:


Thank you again, Sampson.