Log in

View Full Version : Old Jan



Delta40
10-29-2012, 05:25 PM
Dear old Jan
when those decrepit homes
cluttered full of untold tales
tumbled down
in chunks of fibro, asbestos and wood,
you made me cups of tea
and brought each resident ghost
into the room.
For a moment they hovered,
smiling, wailing or silent
only to mysteriously slip away.
I could never resist your fruit cake
and saw your grey features giggle
back to days I had never breathed.
Nanny and you at Plymouth beach;
The toil of freedom in Tasmania.
Closing in,
the bulldozer crashed its way
into the heart of your story
and as the thick overgrowth of
your garden was lost,
another loyal friend dropped by.
How odd you said
as you were carried away.
Old Purdey howled for you
but you would always remember
the name of everyone
who had lived on your street.

Twota
10-29-2012, 05:51 PM
I really like it :D

specially..
"you made me cups of tea
and brought each resident ghost
into the room.
For a moment they hovered,
smiling, wailing or silent
only to mysteriously slip away."

I hate bulldozers :/

Hawkman
10-29-2012, 07:14 PM
Very nice, Delta.

neilgee
10-29-2012, 07:25 PM
An excellent, condensed view of a person from another generation, not always an easy subject to deal with (for me, anyway).

Delta40
10-30-2012, 05:24 AM
Thankyou. I've edited it since it's original post.

Bar22do
10-30-2012, 05:32 AM
Hey Delta, you dealt with the subject vividly and masterfully, great to read you again.

Delta40
10-30-2012, 05:59 AM
thankyou Bar. I'm still trying to embrace the site change!

Hawkman
10-30-2012, 07:48 AM
Good edit, Delta. Only thing I think could be improved is the full stop after beach, which should either be a comma or a semi-colon, methinks. Really like this poem.

Live and be well - H

aliengirl
10-30-2012, 01:42 PM
I like old houses and listening to people from the previous generation provided they have something interesting to tell. :) This poem reminded me of an old lady who told me about her times; horse drawn buggies, splendid hand-worked clothes, and how houses were designed in old times.

I like your poems for your forthright style. These lines -

"Closing in,
the bulldozer crashed its way
into the heart of your story"

convey the whole story and in so few words!

Delta40
10-30-2012, 03:35 PM
Good edit, Delta. Only thing I think could be improved is the full stop after beach, which should either be a comma or a semi-colon, methinks. Really like this poem.

Live and be well - H

How exciting! My first official use of a semi-colon! Thanks for the suggestion Hawk.