PDA

View Full Version : Jamaican Kiss.



MANICHAEAN
10-21-2012, 03:43 AM
Jamaican Kiss.

Sandra had been an eye turner in her day, not so much in the facial features which still bore the adverse imprint of an upbringing in the Kingston's Mountain View district, but in the body. He had, many years back, invited her for a drink when she had finished her dance routine one night at the Sagittarius Club in Montego Bay. Back then, the legs were long and supple, the backside as tight and hard as a carved block of mahogany, and the movements fluid and mysterious to his unjaundiced tourist eye. Somehow, they had struck up a relationship and he had loved her then and the island which was her home.

Over the years they had drifted apart, but now he was back. He was not sure in himself what to expect. He knew she would have visibly aged and thickened out, like himself no doubt? But there was still that curiosity in him about that particular period of his life. It was, he was sure, more than just a final wallow in the trough?

The barman approached.

"Another one sir?"

"Why not?" he responded.

He had earlier built up a quick rapport with essential members of the hotel staff, and Augustine the bar tender had been no exception.

He had left Sandra upstairs to do whatever women fortuitously do for extended periods in order to get ready for dinner. This gave him an excuse for what the Americans refer to as "quality time," or as some Englishmen of a certain strata of society, are prone to put it, "a swift half."

He remembered initially saying to Augustine, "Can you do me one of your Jamaican*specials?"

"Sure, sir. What mood are you in, and what mood do you want to be in?"

David had laughed and it had been infectious.

"Are you a doctor as well as a barman?" he had enquired playfully.

"A combination of both sir, just like me cocktails, all mix up, mix up."

White teeth had shone and smiled in a dark, warm complexion.

"Well," David had said, entering into the banter, "Not that I'm normally akin to self analysis, but I'd say my present state is "apprehensive", desired state "to be back in love again." Can you deal with that?"

"I have just the right medicine for you sir," had been his riposte." It's called the "Jamaican Kiss". It's my own creation and I know you will enjoy."

And on the eighth day, God's disciple in a hotel bar in the Caribbean created a cocktail combining: white Jamaican rum, Japanese Midori melon liqueur, orange & pineapple juice, coconut cream, syrup, and it was blessedly garnished with fresh nutmeg and orange zest. It was shaken, not stirred and God looked down and He was well pleased with his humble servant.

The glass had glistened before David like an Alberta winter backdrop and it had beckoned like a glacial temptress imbued with decadent promise. He had raised it to his lips. Incipient anticipation had coursed through his senses. The Holy Grail. It was of a sublimity that; on the tongue and the back of the mouth, had slid like a polished awakening into the comforting darkness of his inner recesses.

His second one was now before him and Sandra appeared, diminutive and quiet, ghetto face to the fore, like a boxer entering the ring.

"Hi," he said. " Would you like a drink before we go in?"

She viewed him first, then the barman and spoke.

"See now, me want something cool, you understand me now? What are you drinking Honey?"

"It's called the Jamaican Kiss."

"Enough of such foolishness Honey. Yer not easy yer know. Give me a fresh orange juice."

They sat opposite each other on two stools. It had been a long time since they had been apart. Behind the tough appearance in public, he knew she was tender and lovingly submissive when it was just the two of them together.

They had laid naked on the bed, passion spent.

"Inna mi heart," she said, breaking into the more familiar patois. "You unlike mi, yuh have gold spoon inna yuh mout. Yuh no short a nothing. But from wah mi see, yuh look like yuh coulda do wid a lickle loving. So see mi yah honey, ready fi kill yuh wid love."

He smiled at her and both sets of eyes said it all.

He was home, back from the soulless world of Babylon, in a place where the inhabitants invariably seek an identity somewhere between harsh existence and the emotional legacy of a diaspora from an Africa unknown and so far away. He was back where; the sacred and the sufferer, the town madman and the Rasta, the poet and the village goats were all part of the ingredients.

Hawkman
10-21-2012, 05:37 AM
Hi Man, as always it's fun to read one of your pieces, but I do have a few quibbles about this one. Firstly and I think fairly importantly, you should replace the opening word, "She" with Sandra. It tells the reader who you're talking about. When you eventually get around to mentioning her name it isn't clear that Sandra is the 'she' you started with. The first paragraph sets the back story well enough but the second doesn't make it clear he's actually met up with the woman mentioned in the first. In fact you don't establish that they've me at all until she's in the bar. Para 2 is all about his feelings of apprehension at the prospect of meeting again. It's almost as if he's come back and Sandra is the woman he's come back to Jamaica with. It isn't until she starts talking that it becomes apparent that this is the woman who used to be a dancer with a mahogany bum. ;) Also, the first line of para 2 I'm not keen on "and" where you say, "Over the years they had drifted apart, and now he was back." I feel "but" would be a more appropriate conjunction.

Oh, and please have mercy on your reader. The text is sprinkled with asterixes and you have a footnote at the bottom. Surely it doesn't apply to every one? The reader just doesn't know what you are trying to convey with the stars.

Apart from the things I've moaned about, once the tale gets going it's as evocative and nicely observed as all your stuff. Despite my reservations about the beginning, it's still a jolly good read. Always feel revived by a snifter of Man's prose :D

Live and be well - H

MANICHAEAN
10-21-2012, 05:46 PM
Thanks Hawk

A big help. Suggestions taken up which I agree, help the story.

As for the ****** ing *****. It's some sort of gremlin in my system, or the Chinese are doing a cyber attack on M!!!!

Take care.

tonywalt
10-21-2012, 09:37 PM
Cool Not bad on the Patois!

MANICHAEAN
10-22-2012, 12:04 AM
Tony man. Mi yardie. Mi na tourist!

tonywalt
10-22-2012, 12:42 PM
Mi nah jesta -Unno kris wid da patois ting. Unno Gwan!

Funny enough (Switching back to the queens english) it's about the most useful thing I learned in when living in Jamaica.

MANICHAEAN
10-22-2012, 06:13 PM
I lived there, on and off for nearly ten years, mainly in Kingston and Discovery Bay. I had to learn the patois, otherwise it was forever, “Hey man, beg mi a $ !” It always amazed me listening to the white Jamaicans being fluent in this form of communication. At first I did not have a clue what they were saying.

Steven Hunley
10-22-2012, 11:41 PM
what I liked about this piece, was the tender affectionate feelings you gave me for the characters. That, and the authenticity of the setting. And that last paragraph:

"He was home, back from the soulless world of Babylon, in a place where the inhabitants invariably seek an identity somewhere between harsh existence and the emotional legacy of a diaspora from an Africa unknown and so far away. He was back where; the sacred and the sufferer, the town madman and the Rasta, the poet and the village goats were all part of the ingredients. "

Was absolutely first-rate writing, second to none.

Andrew Mcleod
10-23-2012, 10:01 AM
me a real yardman to. Story bad. me love eeh :)

AuntShecky
10-23-2012, 02:39 PM
Question, not necessarily a criticism: what's a "ghetto face?"

MANICHAEAN
10-24-2012, 04:50 PM
Steve
Your humble servant.

Andrew
Thank God we have a real Yardie on Lit Net at last.

Aunty
Thank you for reading. It's my way of describing a hard, confrontational expression. Normally reserved for the "rude boys."

Regards
M.

tonywalt
10-24-2012, 05:40 PM
I lived there, on and off for nearly ten years, mainly in Kingston and Discovery Bay. I had to learn the patois, otherwise it was forever, “Hey man, beg mi a $ !” It always amazed me listening to the white Jamaicans being fluent in this form of communication. At first I did not have a clue what they were saying.

Cool. I lived there as a child and obviously (or not) Cayman was settled by many of the original settlors from Jamaica and most of them in turn came from Barbados with Cromwell's troops - so much so that I can hardly tell the difference between a Cayman accent and a white Bajan accent.

The Cayman accent is much different to the Jamaican accent.