First (re-posting; poem and a comments lost during site's upgrading...)

[Bar22do]

First

my sure finger runs
along his eyebrow.
"Beloved," I hear
myself whisper.
He quivers and turns.
"No..." he wards off,
"it’s only pleasure,"
but already
he’s retaking possession
of my shoulders, throat,
my hands which fail
not to caress too fast.
"Beware, it’s only…"
"Yes... yes," I agree and
losing heart to lie further,
I huddle in his embrace
eyes shut,
so he doesn’t notice
I give my whole world.

(Jerusalem, October 18, 2012)

[Charles Darnay]

Still wonderful :)

[MystyrMystyry]

This is good in both its approach and execution Bar22do :)



Side note: Its interesting that it disappeared - my last one did too, but I'm not sure if it was removed on purpose.

[Bar22do]

Charles thanks again for reading and loving.
MMystyr, thanks a lot as well!t I think the "disappearance" was a technical error, not anything done on purpose.
(not sure I thanked Bu4Bee, Silas and Mutatis in the lost post - so - really glad you like "First"!

[Jack of Hearts]

You removed the <<French quotes.>>

This poem is admired for its simplicity, its directness and its unabashed vulnerability. Those are things much admired indeed.








J

[Haunted]

So lovely and tender and sensual, but with a hurtful undertone typified by that age-old man / woman dichotomy. To him it's just physical — "only pleasure". But to her its emotional — it's her "whole world", her everything. Whats that expression... the man hopes he is her first, while the woman hopes she is his last, something like that. What is remarkable is the way you expressed it, almost unconditional. Another piece I'll return to read again and learn from.

[Jeos]

Not bad for a raw coal, but you are faaar away from your best ! Again.
What's happening with you ?!

[Bar22do]

Thanks a lot Jack (vulnerability indeed was a hue I wanted to convey...), Jeos (I believe it's one of my best, actually! but I'm glad you have taken the trouble to read) and Haunted (it's great how you feel things, always). I live without the computer these days, so please forgive my returning to you so belatedely...

[aliengirl]

This is indeed one of your best Bar. Nothing raw about it. It's warm and tender like some pleasant whisper. I got this physical/emotional dichotomy between male/female approach. Was a little intrigued by the title but was able to make a connection after reading Haunted's reply. Please clarify if I'm wrong about title.

[Bar22do]

As I re-read Haunted's comment I thought that indeed, the poem could be also about "the first time". It's actually about desire (which may also be a self-defensive label for love) confronted with overt love (the woman hides to her best, not to frighten her partner). Whichever, the poem is open to interpretation or reflection... I consider the title as the poem's first word.

Thanks a lot, aliengirl for having offered this effort your time and attention... I hope I answered your question, too.

(I still don't have my computer, sorry for this late reply!)

[aliengirl]

As I re-read Haunted's comment I thought that indeed, the poem could be also about "the first time". It's actually about desire (which may also be a self-defensive label for love) confronted with overt love (the woman hides to her best, not to frighten her partner). Whichever, the poem is open to interpretation or reflection... I consider the title as the poem's first word.

Thanks a lot, aliengirl for having offered this effort your time and attention... I hope I answered your question, too.

(I still don't have my computer, sorry for this late reply!)

You're welcome Bar. Don't worry about the delay. :) Of course the poem is open to the reader's personal interpretation. Today I read this poem in a different way, taking the title as the first word of the poem. There is enough hint but somehow I missed it earlier.

[Sampson]

""Beloved," I hear
myself whisper.
He quivers and turns."

this is some stunning wordsmithary!! i liked the whole poem, but that line is ringing in my mind wonderfully (:

[Bar22do]

Thanks Sampson, glad you 'heard'/noticed it!!! (though it seems YOU have the true talent for wordsmithery!!! Glad you enjoyed my poem. Ah, and welcome back!