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E.A Rumfield
10-11-2012, 04:17 PM
A well groomed crowd stands around
as some half *** band plays what they believe is music
all form no soul, it sounds like the real deal
but the well trained observer can tell otherwise
No personalities.
The well dressed crowd stands around
unmoving, a head bobs to the empty beat
All good little boys and girls
Fine parents, educated at private schools
waiting for the main attraction but it will not come
they stand, they don't even know how to dance
The soulless kids and their soulless music

zoolane
10-11-2012, 04:44 PM
Sound like central London train journey. Nice poem.
I like lines: A well groomed crowd stands around
as some half *** band plays what they believe is music
all form no soul, it sounds like the real deal
but the well trained observer can tell otherwise

Volya
10-11-2012, 04:47 PM
Sound like central London train journey.

How does it sound like a London train journey???

zoolane
10-11-2012, 04:51 PM
How does it sound like a London train journey???

Maybe not now but 10-15 years go.

All listen sound own voices or cassette player.

Buh4Bee
10-11-2012, 06:02 PM
I can visualize the bar.

hillwalker
10-11-2012, 06:23 PM
Not bad at all - but the final line is superfluous. You've already made your statement - don't undermine it by trying to summarise it again in 7 words. If you want to use the 'soulless' image introduce it earlier within the main body of the poem. Have confidence in your ability to get the message across in the work itself.

H