For Rosana

[Delta40]

Pushing a trolley
with a wonkey wheel.
Weaving through lines
that shouldn't rhyme.
I crash into the fat lady
She won't sing you know.
Flickering fluorescent lights
blind me to the rows of expressions
on special this week.
While others load them by the boxful,
I fumble over bargain basement verse.
Like me,
they are past their use by date,
but for now,
they are all I can manage.
A gum chewing check out chick
scans my products.
She puts them back in the bin
and says I should read the catalogue
before I come back.

[MystyrMystyry]

Very clever Delta :)

The idea of that mundane experience being transformed into a poem - and done well - so cool. Even if using cliches, they seem to have been coined purposefully for this. They particularly work for the overly-familiar aisles stocked with the habitual purchases, where we all secretly hope for a two-for-one special - and the shock when it occasionally happens!

You've really hit on something here. The maze-trail pattern we take individually, and may wonder if once we did it in reverse would whoever's manning the security cameras notice?


Down, down, spirits are down...

[Charles Darnay]

very clever indeed!

[Hawkman]

This is a good poem Delta. Strangely though, it brings to mind one of Haunted's and one of mine. Haunted began a poem with a shopping trolly (complete with wonky wheel) and I made reference to, "my sell by date and best before," in "Out of Code." No criticism is intended here, btw, just an observation. Your take is entirely original, and ideas are there for everyone.

I think my favourite line in this piece is:

"A gum chewing check out chick"

a great description.

Live and be well - H

[DieterM]

Really good, and I totally agree with Hawk - after the "bagain basement verse", that "gum chewing check out chick" was the moment I changed from "jolly nice" to "I luv it".

[Delta40]

Thanks everyone.

[AuntShecky]

Catchy rhythm and accessible! I read just about everything you write, Delta, but don't always respond, because you've shown so much improvement during your time here that you don't need any feedback from the likes of me.
But once in a while you come up with a gem that outshines the other already brilliant ones, such as this one.

[Delta40]

thanks everyone. This was an exercise in empathy.

[Jerrybaldy]

For the reasons behind this post I am sat on the fence. I agree with criticism and welcoming new members, so I think I will sit here and have a cheese and pickle sandwich. Look the sun's come out. No, no it's gone.

I do also like that gum chewing check out chick line. Hold on I have something original to say, no, no, its gone.

Like Auntie, barely nothing you write escapes my fading eyes.
JB

[Delta40]

Like I said, it was only an exercise in empathy. Nothing more.

[aliengirl]

Sorry for responding so late but I'm glad I found it before it was pushed behind by new entries. I'd like to join others in saying that "A gum chewing check out chick" is the one of the best punchy lines by you. This is going to stay with me. :D

I need not repeat that this is one of your good poems but as an exercise in empathy it is above and beyond any criticism. It is nice to see that feelings for a fellow human being is still present in your poetic heart. :) I've come across many people who call themselves poet and have no compassion for others. Sounds weird but it's true.

[qimissung]

I like it, too, Delta, as I do most everything you write. And I also like the gum chewing chick. I like how she tells you to read the catalogue before you come back.