Johna22
10-08-2012, 04:28 AM
It was a spectacular late summer day. The morning blanketed in a cloudless sea of blue with a slight breeze carrying the warm breath of a rising sun. As awe sparkling as that morning was, it made my day that much more somber, for this was the morning I would lead my dog to sleep - or so I would think.
In one moment, breathless at the beauty of the day, and in another gasping for a morsel of peace, with a brave resolve and a duty of compassion, I forged my will into acceptance. I collected Autumn, my amazing dog, and I delivered him to be euthanized. Even at that moment he knew what I could not. He leapt into the cab of the truck with unwarranted enthusiasm. Usually a lot of coaxing and treats were in line, but not this day. Along the way to the clinic, about a half hour drive, I occasionally observed the cloudless sky.
Autumn seemed eager, which I was sure he would lose once we arrived at the Vet. Five years earlier we found him a pup alone and afraid wandering in traffic with a broken leg. We took him to a Vet, and although his leg healed well, we trust he did not like his visit. Every forthcoming visit was a wrestling match. But not this time.
Where previously he would be dragged, he was heeling at the door waiting to be let in. Once inside he would usually cower and I’d have to lift him onto the examining table. This day he led all the way, he even went to the examine room scheduled for his use without any guidance and nobody ahead of him, and he jumped right up onto the examining table. It was like he knew and chose himself to be set free, as though like an angel being beckoned home to the kingdom. It was the most flawless and graceful visit, ending with the vet carrying Autumn’s lifeless but still limp body to the back of my truck.
On the way home, the sadness flowed like a raging river, reminiscing tears forming like white caps. The many beautiful memories, though, coupled with the resolve to set him free, brought some soothing comfort. Did I tell you Autumn was an amazing dog? One time, while out for a walk in a neighbor’s field, I observed a glimpse of his divinity. He sensed something coming from behind a distant grove of bush. He took a pointed stand, his ears at full attention, a king would have felt a thousand times mightier standing next to him, then with vehement anticipation, froth enveloping his mouth, he caught sight of an alerted small herd of deer and in an instant he was in full flight. The froth that swelled from his mouth was left abandoned in three pockets and seemingly suspended in mid-air like puffs of cloud. His full stride, which he achieved on about his third leap forward, measured 22 of my feet. I had never seen anything react and move that fast with such incredible agility and grace. I was happy to receive him 5 minutes later with a smile on his face and a contented pace of breath racing off his dangling and bloodless tongue.
On another occasion while in his pen with him, three neighboring dogs of husky and malamute descent and in their prime happened along. Feeling stronger in their number they hastily approached Autumn luckily from the other side of the pens perimeter 6 ft. chain link fence, bearing their teeth for show. After a fury of growls and ferocious nips all three neighbors, in as many seconds raced from the scene tails tucked tightly between their legs and not one hesitated to look back the whole way home half a mile away.
His majesty was often recognized. While driving down a main street in the neighboring city, he had taken a pose in the back of the pick-up that garnered second and deliberate long gazes from several pedestrians we passed by. On one occasion, I pulled into the parking lot of a pub to pick up some off sales. When I came out of the pub there were at least a dozen people swarming the back of my truck in awe of Autumn. With his super canine powers he would have made an incredible police or search and rescue dog. He had unbelievable strength and agility, lightning speed and was totally void of fear in his natural environment.
He had a past with humanity though, I had noticed when he would cower if you raised a hand above him. What had he experienced? His eyes also were telling. He seemed a hybrid, possibly, of wild and domestic breeds. These subtle behaviors together with the mystery of his origins colored him unpredictable and indeed he had behaved in unpredictable ways on occasion. He seemed very able to sense fear in others and sometimes, depending how he was engaged, he would get excited and become wildly instinctual. He would chase cattle, even horses in neighboring fields. One time, he even tried taking down a four year old mare. I often wondered how many times Autumn figured in the sites of a neighbor’s rifle.
As disheartening as this was, he crossed the line a couple of times when he portrayed this kind of behavior with visiting people. From young children, who could not be left alone with him, to aging in-laws who chose not to be alone with him, he posed an incredible threat to their safety. There could be no other resolve, and as my wife Rhonda had said on more than one occasion, it was time to set him free so he could race across the sky. I could not think of a safe home for him, where he could not become a threat to himself. The choice had only been a matter of time, and with the arrival of twin babies the choice was clear. Still, the sadness of such an outcome was a lot to bear.
After arriving home, I felt a strong sense of duty to have Autumn buried as quickly as possible. Leaving the truck parked along the driveway, near as possible to the pet cemetery, I gathered up some tools (a pick, a shovel and a wheelbarrow), and headed out to the pasture. Knowing how hot the day had been, and still not a cloud in the sky, I stopped along the way at the house to grab a cold drink. A single brew, perched alone, illuminated itself and into the wheelbarrow it went. Fixed on my intent, when I got to the grave site I placed the cold beer at the base of a tree close by, on the shaded side opposite the sun, and immediately began picking and digging a comfortably sized plot.
By the time I realized how deep I had dug, Rhonda happened along and offered to dig the remaining depth, partly to contribute herself but also to relieve me, as I, in my denims and t-shirt, was soaked to the bone, sweat streaming off my forehead. As I climbed out of the near four foot hole I dug without rest, I recalled the cold brew I placed nearby, and figured at least it would still be wet. After helping Rhonda into the hole, and passing her the shovel, I returned to retrieve the wet brew, spun off the cap, tilted my head back, and as I began guzzling back the brew, allowing my eyes to peer into the vast blue sky without aim, I became astonished.
All the while I contemplated Autumn’s predicament, about 2 years of debate, I kept asking the Lord for guidance and wisdom, hoping for a happy and peaceful resolve. Never could I have imagined His reply.
Where my eyes spotted the sky in a sea of blue, clouds began to appear - no clouds anywhere in the sky all day, and in a moments glance, like the brief glimpse of a fisherman’s prize leaping out of the sea and back in again, forming in a distinct shape, and as I spoke astonished to my wife, saying “honey doesn’t that cloud (not taking my eyes off the cloud) look like a”, and before I could finish, in equal astonishment, the words “dog running” lunged from her lips. And then without a moment of hesitation the cloud faded hastily again into the vast blue, and once again cloudless sky. It was the most amazing sight I could have seen in that moment. Nothing measured out could have eclipsed the feeling in that moment. And again, as Rhonda had declared on multiple times, Autumn needs to be set free, to run wild in the vast sky, lo and behold! The distinct shape of clouds that formed in the sky out of thin air was that of a dog in full stride, 2 feet and a head with ears pinned back lunging forward, and 2 feet with a tail stretched backward. Also coming off the back were what seemed like three little puffs of cloud, like the froth he left suspended when he bolted for the herd. Appearing from nothing and disappearing back to nothing, before both our eyes, we witnessed a divine miracle of assurance and blessing. The sadness and despair completely dissolved, replaced with a happy and peaceful memory still to this day. My faith now towering my guilt, became petrified in my heart, in both our hearts.
In one moment, breathless at the beauty of the day, and in another gasping for a morsel of peace, with a brave resolve and a duty of compassion, I forged my will into acceptance. I collected Autumn, my amazing dog, and I delivered him to be euthanized. Even at that moment he knew what I could not. He leapt into the cab of the truck with unwarranted enthusiasm. Usually a lot of coaxing and treats were in line, but not this day. Along the way to the clinic, about a half hour drive, I occasionally observed the cloudless sky.
Autumn seemed eager, which I was sure he would lose once we arrived at the Vet. Five years earlier we found him a pup alone and afraid wandering in traffic with a broken leg. We took him to a Vet, and although his leg healed well, we trust he did not like his visit. Every forthcoming visit was a wrestling match. But not this time.
Where previously he would be dragged, he was heeling at the door waiting to be let in. Once inside he would usually cower and I’d have to lift him onto the examining table. This day he led all the way, he even went to the examine room scheduled for his use without any guidance and nobody ahead of him, and he jumped right up onto the examining table. It was like he knew and chose himself to be set free, as though like an angel being beckoned home to the kingdom. It was the most flawless and graceful visit, ending with the vet carrying Autumn’s lifeless but still limp body to the back of my truck.
On the way home, the sadness flowed like a raging river, reminiscing tears forming like white caps. The many beautiful memories, though, coupled with the resolve to set him free, brought some soothing comfort. Did I tell you Autumn was an amazing dog? One time, while out for a walk in a neighbor’s field, I observed a glimpse of his divinity. He sensed something coming from behind a distant grove of bush. He took a pointed stand, his ears at full attention, a king would have felt a thousand times mightier standing next to him, then with vehement anticipation, froth enveloping his mouth, he caught sight of an alerted small herd of deer and in an instant he was in full flight. The froth that swelled from his mouth was left abandoned in three pockets and seemingly suspended in mid-air like puffs of cloud. His full stride, which he achieved on about his third leap forward, measured 22 of my feet. I had never seen anything react and move that fast with such incredible agility and grace. I was happy to receive him 5 minutes later with a smile on his face and a contented pace of breath racing off his dangling and bloodless tongue.
On another occasion while in his pen with him, three neighboring dogs of husky and malamute descent and in their prime happened along. Feeling stronger in their number they hastily approached Autumn luckily from the other side of the pens perimeter 6 ft. chain link fence, bearing their teeth for show. After a fury of growls and ferocious nips all three neighbors, in as many seconds raced from the scene tails tucked tightly between their legs and not one hesitated to look back the whole way home half a mile away.
His majesty was often recognized. While driving down a main street in the neighboring city, he had taken a pose in the back of the pick-up that garnered second and deliberate long gazes from several pedestrians we passed by. On one occasion, I pulled into the parking lot of a pub to pick up some off sales. When I came out of the pub there were at least a dozen people swarming the back of my truck in awe of Autumn. With his super canine powers he would have made an incredible police or search and rescue dog. He had unbelievable strength and agility, lightning speed and was totally void of fear in his natural environment.
He had a past with humanity though, I had noticed when he would cower if you raised a hand above him. What had he experienced? His eyes also were telling. He seemed a hybrid, possibly, of wild and domestic breeds. These subtle behaviors together with the mystery of his origins colored him unpredictable and indeed he had behaved in unpredictable ways on occasion. He seemed very able to sense fear in others and sometimes, depending how he was engaged, he would get excited and become wildly instinctual. He would chase cattle, even horses in neighboring fields. One time, he even tried taking down a four year old mare. I often wondered how many times Autumn figured in the sites of a neighbor’s rifle.
As disheartening as this was, he crossed the line a couple of times when he portrayed this kind of behavior with visiting people. From young children, who could not be left alone with him, to aging in-laws who chose not to be alone with him, he posed an incredible threat to their safety. There could be no other resolve, and as my wife Rhonda had said on more than one occasion, it was time to set him free so he could race across the sky. I could not think of a safe home for him, where he could not become a threat to himself. The choice had only been a matter of time, and with the arrival of twin babies the choice was clear. Still, the sadness of such an outcome was a lot to bear.
After arriving home, I felt a strong sense of duty to have Autumn buried as quickly as possible. Leaving the truck parked along the driveway, near as possible to the pet cemetery, I gathered up some tools (a pick, a shovel and a wheelbarrow), and headed out to the pasture. Knowing how hot the day had been, and still not a cloud in the sky, I stopped along the way at the house to grab a cold drink. A single brew, perched alone, illuminated itself and into the wheelbarrow it went. Fixed on my intent, when I got to the grave site I placed the cold beer at the base of a tree close by, on the shaded side opposite the sun, and immediately began picking and digging a comfortably sized plot.
By the time I realized how deep I had dug, Rhonda happened along and offered to dig the remaining depth, partly to contribute herself but also to relieve me, as I, in my denims and t-shirt, was soaked to the bone, sweat streaming off my forehead. As I climbed out of the near four foot hole I dug without rest, I recalled the cold brew I placed nearby, and figured at least it would still be wet. After helping Rhonda into the hole, and passing her the shovel, I returned to retrieve the wet brew, spun off the cap, tilted my head back, and as I began guzzling back the brew, allowing my eyes to peer into the vast blue sky without aim, I became astonished.
All the while I contemplated Autumn’s predicament, about 2 years of debate, I kept asking the Lord for guidance and wisdom, hoping for a happy and peaceful resolve. Never could I have imagined His reply.
Where my eyes spotted the sky in a sea of blue, clouds began to appear - no clouds anywhere in the sky all day, and in a moments glance, like the brief glimpse of a fisherman’s prize leaping out of the sea and back in again, forming in a distinct shape, and as I spoke astonished to my wife, saying “honey doesn’t that cloud (not taking my eyes off the cloud) look like a”, and before I could finish, in equal astonishment, the words “dog running” lunged from her lips. And then without a moment of hesitation the cloud faded hastily again into the vast blue, and once again cloudless sky. It was the most amazing sight I could have seen in that moment. Nothing measured out could have eclipsed the feeling in that moment. And again, as Rhonda had declared on multiple times, Autumn needs to be set free, to run wild in the vast sky, lo and behold! The distinct shape of clouds that formed in the sky out of thin air was that of a dog in full stride, 2 feet and a head with ears pinned back lunging forward, and 2 feet with a tail stretched backward. Also coming off the back were what seemed like three little puffs of cloud, like the froth he left suspended when he bolted for the herd. Appearing from nothing and disappearing back to nothing, before both our eyes, we witnessed a divine miracle of assurance and blessing. The sadness and despair completely dissolved, replaced with a happy and peaceful memory still to this day. My faith now towering my guilt, became petrified in my heart, in both our hearts.