I'm through

[Gromit]

I leave myself clear,
For others to hear,
When they whisper,
A plea of despair,
I let them know,
That I have a glow,
That I can help them,
I glow like a gem,
Over and out,
Not giving a pout,
For I'm through,
I'm through to you,
Listen all you like,
Because I have a mic,
And I'm speaking through it,
So you can sit,
And listen to me,
I want to give you glee,
I'm through,
I'm through to you,
For I am here,
Ready for you to peer,
I am cautiously waiting,
Like you are the servant and I am the king.
I'm through,
And it's to you.

---------------
I know I don't use much variation from commas but I couldn't think of any :L Any feedback welcomed! Thanks!

[hillwalker]

Yet another new writer who has this misguided belief that a poem is merely a list of sentences that rhyme. There should be a warning posted somewhere on this site - POEMS DON'T HAVE TO RHYME.

Your poem starts off quite well but then it rapidly loses its way because you are presumably concentrating on finding words that rhyme instead of saying what you mean to say.

These were the weakest bits but there are many more:

'I have a glow' - 'Over and out,/Not giving a pout' - 'Listen all you like/Because I have a mic' - 'I am through/And it's to you'

2 suggestions - read as much contemporary poetry so you get a feel for how poems are supposed to work - and don't even attempt to write in rhyme until you have mastered expressing yourself concisely.

H

[Dreamsqueen]

I agree with hill, the first 8 lines were great but then the poem started to fade, I am not a good judge at poetry , and I myself not good ar writing poetry but the good things impose themselves as the first 8 lines of your poem

[Gromit]

Thank you,
I do do poetry that doesn't rhyme too :) but I thank you for this feedback as I am only 13 and have let to learn much more about poetry. :) thank you so much for the feedback!! I appreciate it :)

[hillwalker]

Good effort for a 13-y-o - you should post some of your stuff that doesn't rhyme!

Most of us on here are allergic to rhyme unfortunately.

H

[Gromit]

*yet* And I'll try. Since I posted that at 11:53 last night where I live it wasn't the new day so I can make a new topic for it hehe...

[Delta40]

We need more young people on this site Gromit so keep posting!

[Picture]

*yet* And I'll try. Since I posted that at 11:53 last night where I live it wasn't the new day so I can make a new topic for it hehe...

Poetry is a personal venture for everyone and you should write and share what you enjoy. I, myself, often write peoms in the rhyming style, but share little. I also write in a poetic style that sort of just flows. Just remember that all music is written to rhyme. It has a purpose.:wink5: