Darkness Inverted

[E.A Rumfield]

Darkness inverted upon my soul
there seems no escape.
The cold has frosted all,
even your touch,
I imagine
would be frigid
but I do not know,
you've been gone so long.
Hopeless, I exist alone
a solitary particle in a river of despair.
I exist alone,
but recognize the faces like mine
there are many
the sad, the lonely
the untouched
the desperate, the unloved
outnumber any other group.
There most be some solution.
Why must life be so painful?
This pain kills slowly
devouring all our effort
our spirit.
True bravery is waking up everyday
to face a world indifferent to your existence,
devoid of love and passion.
A pain that is its own
anesthetic
and I
am not sure if I touched the fire
that I would in fact cry out
or just jump right in
welcoming the change
of pace.

[SkyCetacean]

It's not poorly written, but it seems to be a lot of very vague "O - The angst!" type sentiments, and that doesn't do much for me. D: Maybe if you made it more personal or specific it might be more effective.

Sorry, like I said it's decently written, and I like that aspect of it, but... ^^;;

[ElizBun]

Very nice I like it. Few grammatical errors but nice non the less.

[hillwalker]

I think you're trying to fit too much into a single poem. It's unfocussed - and you would express things much more clearly if you used less words.

The poem jumps from the pain of losing someone (who might now repel your touch) to existing alone (in a crowd of unloved people) to being devoid of feeling. 3 poems for the price of 1?

H

[hallaig]

Too much pain, souls, rivers, despair, too much abstraction. I don't think you're going to hone your craft with such emotional splurges. Just like the painter sketches scenes, do the same with words. Learn to describe without layering each line with emoshunn. It leads you into linguistic lunacy. Darkness inverted upon my soul- what on earth does that mean?

[E.A Rumfield]

You all make good points. Sometimes I get a little carried away, I was feeling quite down when I wrote this as you can see.