Game
10-04-2012, 05:44 AM
Hello dear readers and writers! I was just writing my novel and an idea sprung to my head; why not post some of it here to share with the wise folks of the Lit forum?
Tell me your opinion, especially things you didn't like, I'm trying hard to improve :) (The novel is at about 20,000 words as of now)
The Red Edged Blade
Prologue
Swoosh! The sound of Nick’s new blade cutting the very air in half was pleasing. It’s, oh so very sharp, light, with a red edge that resembles the color of the sun setting on an angelic evening. Due to its powerful nature, the blade was difficult to maneuver and a challenge to swing. But the potential was there, if only he could master it.
Nick was a pretty tall and slim character, as pale as a fresh snowflake with eyes as red as fire. Strong and intimidating features made for a sharp stare that might make you tremble at the thought of being his foe. He had two small bumps on the sides of his head, like the horns of a newly born deer. His sharp teeth resemble tiny knives, his features made being near him as terrifying as getting thrown into a fire; on the sun. Nick stuck out his serpent-like tongue, licking his thin, red, lower lip.
Staring down at his opponent’s body; the sight of the deep cut in the guy’s throat made Nick’s face form a facial expression that might be mistaken as a smile. Smiles were for humans, he was just pleased from his immense strength. This kind of ferociousness, of sheer pleasure from the sight of your dying enemy, he had it long before this battle had concluded.
He was blessed with the ability to maneuver his sword with such gentle movements that you couldn’t even suspect he held so much force behind the swing. One second of confusion at the blade coming in so lightly, and your throat is cut open. That was his signature move, appropriate of his horrendous reputation.
And just like that, he was gone, as if he disintegrated into thin air.
The victim’s eyelids closed off slowly, only the sight of the dirty sewer water was now left. “Is this where I’m going to die?” he thought to himself. A final look at the dirty water flowing to their destination revealed a strange emotion, almost as if he was relieved. He was almost relaxed as he slowly drifted away from this world…
Chapter 1: Survive
“I can feel his energy” thought Harris to himself. Swiftly scanning the area for the fallen comrade, he felt the energy that he had just felt slowly disintegrating; he knew he was getting closer. He also knew he didn’t have much time, for he shall die soon, without the proper treatment, that is.
-----
“These wounds on his throat, he put up quite the fight, but I wouldn’t expect him to win against such a high leveled foe; I’m surprised he didn’t die. He’s sturdy, this one, I couldn’t…” but he was interrupted before he could finish by Mina. With a condescending tone she inquired: “Yeah, yeah, I get it, he put up a fight, but was lacking of training, let’s hurry up and treat him before he gets an infection, shall we?”
Mina was an impatient 28 year old woman, with her hazel eyes and brown hair and well taken care of physique; she was Harris’s companion and friend. He found her at a young age and immediately discovered her skill and love for medicine. She was dumped in a street ally, her parents abandoned her near the local orphanage. She was taken in by madam Shrill, the orphanage owner and also, a friend of Harris. Madam Shrill was a tall lady, thin to the bone with high chick bones and a long neck with a small bump that you could almost mistake for an Adam’s apple. Average looking eyes take away from her soft and welcoming smile.
In one of his visits to the orphanage, while he was strolling around the playing room, he found a little girl with a long brown pony tail, sitting by herself on the floor, heavily concentrating. He walked up to her, slowly, as not to startle her and inquired gently: “Aren’t you a bit young to be reading this book, child?”
It was a medicine book. She glared at him for a few seconds. “No.” She said with much verve, her eyes dropping back to her book.
He was a tad surprised at her harsh response, and with a warm smile he walked away without saying a word.
Harris, a medium heighted man in his 50s, he has relatively large glasses; A large nose and a bit of a devious smile. He’s the kind of person to take care of his sick relatives and friends as a child. He dumped his family’s name for reasons unknown. He was a nurturer at heart, and he was instantly fond of the strange girl he just encountered on the floor. He knew she couldn’t become a doctor, even if she worked really hard; the world has changed too much.
-----
People lived in their own little comas, it was like middle school, everybody’s stubborn, living in their own bubble and very hostile to strangers. As earth’s society developed, medicine specifically. The population grew; soon the death rates were so low the world was fast pacing to being overloaded with people. Panic rose through, heavy hunger stroke people.
Some opinions were starting to form about doctors. By healing, they caused overpopulation. These opinions were scarce as the food left on the planet at first, but the population was skyrocketing every day, people needed something to hold on to, it was getting worse, hope was dying.
The air was starting to tense further as the doctors got so overwhelmed, they started retaliating, saying they’re being accused of causing things such as world hunger when all they tried to do was heal and help people.
As the situation deteriorated, the rational people were killed slowly for siding with the doctors. Intelligence was soon starting to fade away from planet Earth, the reckless and hungry people were taking over, soon enough mass killings of doctors and their supporters were held.
The doctors decided it was enough, they decided to retaliate. But they weren’t fighters. They were healers. And as the tension rose, amidst the chaos and the terrible hunger, a leader for the doctors rose through. Kole Geri, a green eyed freedom fighter from France. Kole was tall as well as large; he had thick eyebrows and a sharp nose. His arms were large for he had been one of the few doctors to use heavy guns against the enemy.
He had fought fiercely for the Doctors and their rights but had disappeared mysteriously in the midst of battle. Legends say Kole and the leader of the opposite end, Adam Bark, came to a final confrontation of pride and justice, and he lost.
He always claimed the only grudge he has is pointed toward Adam Bark and him alone. When asked why he would exclaim: “When a dog bites you, you get mad at its owner.”
Kole made one final stand before he disappeared, he announced that if the doctors will be pushed further, they’ll be forced to use heavy artillery. The doctors had been able to steal a few tanks and blast some of Adam’s camps, but as they did, the other side only got madder and even more savage.
The doctors were being slaughtered; intelligence has lost to brutality and force. Most of the doctors left are now in hiding. Earth has turned to a planet inhabited by cavemen, or worse. Humanity reverted a few thousand years back. Despair had struck the few humans left on earth, not the savage, coldblooded killers, but actual humans.
If what happened on earth was chaos, coming next is total oblivion. The gods decided to interfere.
The gods weren’t blind to what happened. They were disgusted, such foolishness and ferocity was not to be overlooked. Zeus was completely outraged. He had never expected the society to deteriorate into a time worse than the cavemen era. An order signed by Zeus was delivered via one of Hermes’s messengers.
Large letters were carved in the destination field; “The underworld”.
-----
On a large throne, somewhere in the underworld, a huge black figure sat, the sides of its cape almost teasing the ground. His large black clothing was loose on his pale skin. The figure’s colossal hands lay rested on the sides of its massive chair. His red eyes only added to his already intimidating aura; it was Hades. A wicked grin arose on his gigantic black carved lips when he caught a glimpse of the sender; Zeus.
“A letter signed by Zeus? How interesting.”
“He finally grew tired of those pesky humans? Figures, typical of him to tell me to punish them, he doesn’t want his reputation stained.” Hades grumbled to himself, but he knew it can’t be helped, he must do it.
The humans are to be eradicated.
Tell me your opinion, especially things you didn't like, I'm trying hard to improve :) (The novel is at about 20,000 words as of now)
The Red Edged Blade
Prologue
Swoosh! The sound of Nick’s new blade cutting the very air in half was pleasing. It’s, oh so very sharp, light, with a red edge that resembles the color of the sun setting on an angelic evening. Due to its powerful nature, the blade was difficult to maneuver and a challenge to swing. But the potential was there, if only he could master it.
Nick was a pretty tall and slim character, as pale as a fresh snowflake with eyes as red as fire. Strong and intimidating features made for a sharp stare that might make you tremble at the thought of being his foe. He had two small bumps on the sides of his head, like the horns of a newly born deer. His sharp teeth resemble tiny knives, his features made being near him as terrifying as getting thrown into a fire; on the sun. Nick stuck out his serpent-like tongue, licking his thin, red, lower lip.
Staring down at his opponent’s body; the sight of the deep cut in the guy’s throat made Nick’s face form a facial expression that might be mistaken as a smile. Smiles were for humans, he was just pleased from his immense strength. This kind of ferociousness, of sheer pleasure from the sight of your dying enemy, he had it long before this battle had concluded.
He was blessed with the ability to maneuver his sword with such gentle movements that you couldn’t even suspect he held so much force behind the swing. One second of confusion at the blade coming in so lightly, and your throat is cut open. That was his signature move, appropriate of his horrendous reputation.
And just like that, he was gone, as if he disintegrated into thin air.
The victim’s eyelids closed off slowly, only the sight of the dirty sewer water was now left. “Is this where I’m going to die?” he thought to himself. A final look at the dirty water flowing to their destination revealed a strange emotion, almost as if he was relieved. He was almost relaxed as he slowly drifted away from this world…
Chapter 1: Survive
“I can feel his energy” thought Harris to himself. Swiftly scanning the area for the fallen comrade, he felt the energy that he had just felt slowly disintegrating; he knew he was getting closer. He also knew he didn’t have much time, for he shall die soon, without the proper treatment, that is.
-----
“These wounds on his throat, he put up quite the fight, but I wouldn’t expect him to win against such a high leveled foe; I’m surprised he didn’t die. He’s sturdy, this one, I couldn’t…” but he was interrupted before he could finish by Mina. With a condescending tone she inquired: “Yeah, yeah, I get it, he put up a fight, but was lacking of training, let’s hurry up and treat him before he gets an infection, shall we?”
Mina was an impatient 28 year old woman, with her hazel eyes and brown hair and well taken care of physique; she was Harris’s companion and friend. He found her at a young age and immediately discovered her skill and love for medicine. She was dumped in a street ally, her parents abandoned her near the local orphanage. She was taken in by madam Shrill, the orphanage owner and also, a friend of Harris. Madam Shrill was a tall lady, thin to the bone with high chick bones and a long neck with a small bump that you could almost mistake for an Adam’s apple. Average looking eyes take away from her soft and welcoming smile.
In one of his visits to the orphanage, while he was strolling around the playing room, he found a little girl with a long brown pony tail, sitting by herself on the floor, heavily concentrating. He walked up to her, slowly, as not to startle her and inquired gently: “Aren’t you a bit young to be reading this book, child?”
It was a medicine book. She glared at him for a few seconds. “No.” She said with much verve, her eyes dropping back to her book.
He was a tad surprised at her harsh response, and with a warm smile he walked away without saying a word.
Harris, a medium heighted man in his 50s, he has relatively large glasses; A large nose and a bit of a devious smile. He’s the kind of person to take care of his sick relatives and friends as a child. He dumped his family’s name for reasons unknown. He was a nurturer at heart, and he was instantly fond of the strange girl he just encountered on the floor. He knew she couldn’t become a doctor, even if she worked really hard; the world has changed too much.
-----
People lived in their own little comas, it was like middle school, everybody’s stubborn, living in their own bubble and very hostile to strangers. As earth’s society developed, medicine specifically. The population grew; soon the death rates were so low the world was fast pacing to being overloaded with people. Panic rose through, heavy hunger stroke people.
Some opinions were starting to form about doctors. By healing, they caused overpopulation. These opinions were scarce as the food left on the planet at first, but the population was skyrocketing every day, people needed something to hold on to, it was getting worse, hope was dying.
The air was starting to tense further as the doctors got so overwhelmed, they started retaliating, saying they’re being accused of causing things such as world hunger when all they tried to do was heal and help people.
As the situation deteriorated, the rational people were killed slowly for siding with the doctors. Intelligence was soon starting to fade away from planet Earth, the reckless and hungry people were taking over, soon enough mass killings of doctors and their supporters were held.
The doctors decided it was enough, they decided to retaliate. But they weren’t fighters. They were healers. And as the tension rose, amidst the chaos and the terrible hunger, a leader for the doctors rose through. Kole Geri, a green eyed freedom fighter from France. Kole was tall as well as large; he had thick eyebrows and a sharp nose. His arms were large for he had been one of the few doctors to use heavy guns against the enemy.
He had fought fiercely for the Doctors and their rights but had disappeared mysteriously in the midst of battle. Legends say Kole and the leader of the opposite end, Adam Bark, came to a final confrontation of pride and justice, and he lost.
He always claimed the only grudge he has is pointed toward Adam Bark and him alone. When asked why he would exclaim: “When a dog bites you, you get mad at its owner.”
Kole made one final stand before he disappeared, he announced that if the doctors will be pushed further, they’ll be forced to use heavy artillery. The doctors had been able to steal a few tanks and blast some of Adam’s camps, but as they did, the other side only got madder and even more savage.
The doctors were being slaughtered; intelligence has lost to brutality and force. Most of the doctors left are now in hiding. Earth has turned to a planet inhabited by cavemen, or worse. Humanity reverted a few thousand years back. Despair had struck the few humans left on earth, not the savage, coldblooded killers, but actual humans.
If what happened on earth was chaos, coming next is total oblivion. The gods decided to interfere.
The gods weren’t blind to what happened. They were disgusted, such foolishness and ferocity was not to be overlooked. Zeus was completely outraged. He had never expected the society to deteriorate into a time worse than the cavemen era. An order signed by Zeus was delivered via one of Hermes’s messengers.
Large letters were carved in the destination field; “The underworld”.
-----
On a large throne, somewhere in the underworld, a huge black figure sat, the sides of its cape almost teasing the ground. His large black clothing was loose on his pale skin. The figure’s colossal hands lay rested on the sides of its massive chair. His red eyes only added to his already intimidating aura; it was Hades. A wicked grin arose on his gigantic black carved lips when he caught a glimpse of the sender; Zeus.
“A letter signed by Zeus? How interesting.”
“He finally grew tired of those pesky humans? Figures, typical of him to tell me to punish them, he doesn’t want his reputation stained.” Hades grumbled to himself, but he knew it can’t be helped, he must do it.
The humans are to be eradicated.