Hooded Crow

[hillwalker]

HOODED CROW

A claw of sound scratching the sky
Etching winter on the wire
The wrath inside the hollow egg
Inside the skull
Inside the bone
Eyes staring black as tin tacks

A claw of ice burning the brae
Ground as hard as gravity
The molten wax of Icarus
The sheen grown dull
The gloss unglossed
Eyes pearling white as snowdrops

A claw of flame flooding the glen
Colour eats at everything
A cresting thermal sails unfurled
Its feathers trimmed
Its compass set
Eyes steering South

H

[Charles Darnay]

I love the plethora of imagery.

One thing:



A cresting thermal sails unfurled


There is a number confusion here.

[hillwalker]

Thanks Charles -

'a thermal' is singular (a 'thermal' being a localised wind produced by differences in air temperature at varying altitudes) so it's fine to write 'a thermal sails' (sails being used as a verb) - but also 'sails unfurled' (with sails as a noun) could be describing the thermal...

H

[Delta40]

I like the barren scheme it seems to project along with an icy cold wind. Perhaps that's my imagination at play but there isn't a hint of any other life except for this one bird which is rather marvellous in my opinion. Where I live, a lone blackbird is always a sight to behold early in the morning and this poem reminded me of that.

[Jeos]

[SIZE="3"][FONT="Tahoma"]HOODED CROW

A claw of sound scratching the sky
Etching winter on the wire
The wrath inside the hollow egg
Inside the skull
Inside the bone
Eyes staring black as tin tacks

etc

H

I have to admit it :boxing_smiley::this is damn good.

[Bar22do]

What a vivid progression with the returning "claw"... masterful, hill, truly a great poem! I can hear the whole incredible sight, I see the scratching sound! B***** well achieved!

[hillwalker]

Thanks all of you for your kind comments.

I'm pleased you got to 'hear' the sounds behind the words.

H

[MystyrMystyry]

This is phenomenal Hill. One thing, I'd lose the two 'Its'es in the last stanza for a more complete feel. Fine as it stands, but it jolts the reader out to a 'distance' view of what had been a remarkable inspection. May be your intention, but I feel it weakens the impact some.

Cheers

[hillwalker]

Thanks MM

I can see why you might prefer this without the 'Its'es - but I wanted to convey the sense of something rising then as it falls climbing again, and as it sinks one more time wafting upwards one more time again... Without them there would be a pause between each line...
...also it maintains the 4 beats for the closing 3 lines.

H

[MystyrMystyry]

I see. Your or Thine perhaps?

[Haunted]

A claw of sound scratching the sky

What a visual, so full of awesomeness and sets the tone for the rest of the piece. One can feel those "Eyes steering South", intent and a thing to behold.

[Hawkman]

An interesting take on the Hoodie, hill, almost an ASBO :D

The feeling I get when reading is that you are describing the bird in three seasons, Autumn, Winter and Spring, so I do wonder why you omitted Summer. The eponymous hoodie is also apparently depicted in three states, perched, dead and flying. “Etching winter on the wire,” is a wonderful description of a perched crow on a telephone wire on an autumn morning, as is “a claw of sound scratching the sky,” to describe its call.

All the imagery is vivid and you have employed an effective montage technique to elicit an emotive response in the reader. Eisenstein would be proud of it. But some of them feel inappropriate to me. In S1 attributing wrath to the spirit of the bird inside the egg, skull and bone, is certainly a powerful image, but is it fitting? Are you talking about Hoodies at all, I wonder?

In S2 I don’t really have a problem with “ice burning” and gravity hard ground, but when you go on to describe the “molten wax of Icarus” and the subsequent “dull sheen” and “gloss unglossed,” it conjures in the mind of this reader a decomposing bird in warmer times. Then you reinforce the chill and freezing associations of Winter with, “Eyes pearling white as snowdrops.” Consequently I find the combination of imagery contradictory and slightly anachronistic.

S3 would also seem to imply migratory habit, even though Hoodies aren’t migrating birds. The “Eyes steering south” having connotations of, “flying south for the winter” although Winter, it seems, has passed. Another peculiar allusion.

I don’t recognise a particular form here I don’t know them all—but you seem to have imposed a rigid stricture of syllable count in the lines (echoed in the first two verses only to come up short in the last line of the third) without adhering to any particular rhythm, as the stress balance is inconsistent. Consequently it comes across as an uneven read.

Undoubtedly a striking poem with powerful images and interesting ambiguity. Personally though, as anyone who has read my stuff will know, I prefer a smoother flow and more consistent rhythm.

Thanks for the read.

Live and be well - H

[hillwalker]

I see. Your or Thine perhaps?

What? I'm not addressing anyone so these would hardly make sense. But thanks anyway. And the day I use 'thine' in any poem is the day they can take me away in the funny farm van.

Haunted - thanks for reading and enjoying...

and Hawk - the Birdman of LitNet. I was expecting a detailed analysis and you didn't let me down.

Firstly - you're exactly right about the 3 seasons - autumn - winter (when the hoodie perishes) and spring when his 'soul' or 'spirit' takes flight. A little fanciful - but it was inspired by my finding the skull of a hooded crow above Glencoul last weekend. Which perhaps explains where the 'wrath inside the bone' came from. I've also been reading Dylan Thomas again hence the disjointed montage of imagery.

The 'molten wax' was more an idea of a bird frozen stiff - the sheen of its plumage fading rather than actuial decomposition.

The form is a 'Hillwalker original' - and the closing line was purposely cut short to imply the poem (as much as the crow's journey through life) is incompleted. Does it work? Maybe yes, maybe no. But you set such a high standard with your own bird poetry that I'm pleased you at least took the time to read and give such astute feedback.

H

[Varenne Rodin]

I like the confidence. Is self analysis easy for you?

[hillwalker]

I like the confidence. Is self analysis easy for you?

Is this a compliment or a tongue-in-cheek snarl? :D

I think we all self-analyse when we create a piece of writing - or indeed after it's completed and we look through it for meaning. Putting part of ourselves into it is what makes it different from everyone else's work, and most of us do it subconsciously.

Thanks for reading.

H

[Varenne Rodin]

Is this a compliment or a tongue-in-cheek snarl? :D

I think we all self-analyse when we create a piece of writing - or indeed after it's completed and we look through it for meaning. Putting part of ourselves into it is what makes it different from everyone else's work, and most of us do it subconsciously.

Thanks for reading.

H

It was a compliment. When I self-analyse, I shred any chance I had of posting a poem or piece of fiction. Somehow you manage the intense scrutiny required in order to deliver such clean works. I don't think everyone can do what you do. Your cognition seems higher, more natural. I'm glad you write, Hillwalker. It's lucky for me.

[hallaig]

I think there's a great virtuoso flow of imagery here, almost too much, sticks in the craw (!) at times when it seems a mite indecipherable, eg etching winter on the wire, molten wax of icarus. I'm no sure of the three claws structure, what's the link? Sound or Winter/Ice 0r Winter/Sunshine or Spring? I find that a bit distracting and it dissipates the effect you've created with the sparse power of the first stanza. The hoodie features totally in the title, the first stanza and then takes second place in stanzas 2 and 3. I think it loses a bit of focus cos of this, and that's maybe the reason it ends in a bit of a flat way? Love some of the language- eg line 1, line 3-6. Wrath inside the hollow egg: very nice.

[hillwalker]

Thanks Varenne - but you should also post your poems on here. It might be a liberating experience.

hallaig - thanks also for reading. The 'claw' link was merely the sound of the crow and the repeated use of the noun in a unexpected or deviant fashion.

As for the hoodie becoming less visible as the poem progresses... well, that's how it was - decomposing until there was none of it left except its memory. But I can see how it comes across as losing focus.

H

[zoolane]

the first stanza remind of scene in 'The Birds' by Hitchcock but with snow falling in background. Fantastic Poem but then again picture big Raven with hooded on in grounds of Tower of London lol.

[Jerrybaldy]

Have you and Hawk ever been seen in the same bar? and where is Prince since you returned? The holy trinity may truely be one. A formal welcome back, if indeed you ever left.

conspiriatorily (that may be a word) yours
JB

[hillwalker]

Thanks zoo and JB

If you're referring to the Unholy trinity then you might be closer to the mark. :)

H

[firefangled]

Being late to read this, I cannot do much but repeat the praises of this poem and I am not that skilled at writing good criticism. But I will say that what did the most for me in this poem was the descriptiveness of the sounds, as Hawk touched on. You've taken great care with correlating images with the sound of the words that describe them.

[hillwalker]

Thanks ff

That's probably the influence of reading so much Dylan Thomas lately.

H