Strike

[kittypaws]

It strikes for most, once.

It ignites our persona

Blinds our vision

fills us with fulfillment

brings faith about face.

Unfortunately,

lighting only seems

To strike once.

Grasp it and hold tight;

enjoy the ride

before you realize

you lost the love of your life.

kittypaws

[E.A Rumfield]

The first line is confusing. Should be...

It strikes for most, once.

[Bar22do]

... still the most important is to enjoy the ride, I guess! Greetings and hugs from here, Kitty!

[hillwalker]

It strikes for most, once. ?

I also found this opening line confusing since we don't know what 'it' is yet, and the point of it striking 'once' is lost because you have relegated that word to the end of the line as far away from 'it strikes' as possible.
You might consider rewording it:

'For most, it strikes once' or 'For most, lightning strikes once'

After the opening few lines the poem seems to lose its way.
Unfortunately, / lightning only seems / To strike once.
is repeating what you have already told us in line 1 - and I can't see why it's unfortunate until you tell us this poem is actually about 'the love of your life'. But by then the damage is already done.

By the time we reach the end we discover it's a simple observation that's been oversugared. I'm seeing that dreaded 'H' word again!

H

[kittypaws]

... still the most important is to enjoy the ride, I guess! Greetings and hugs from here, Kitty!

You are right Bar22! We must hold close what we treasure for we will never know how soon it might be gone.

Hugz and smilez right back at ya!

kittypaws

[kittypaws]

It strikes for most, once. ?

I also found this opening line confusing since we don't know what 'it' is yet, and the point of it striking 'once' is lost because you have relegated that word to the end of the line as far away from 'it strikes' as possible.
You might consider rewording it:

'For most, it strikes once' or 'For most, lightning strikes once'

After the opening few lines the poem seems to lose its way.
Unfortunately, / lightning only seems / To strike once.
is repeating what you have already told us in line 1 - and I can't see why it's unfortunate until you tell us this poem is actually about 'the love of your life'. But by then the damage is already done.

By the time we reach the end we discover it's a simple observation that's been oversugared. I'm seeing that dreaded 'H' word again!

H


Sigh~~~~

I understand....back to the writing board.

I will improve...believe in me; I believe in myself and that is where it all starts!

thanks H

[Delta40]

Still a joy to read you Kitty!

[kittypaws]

Still a joy to read you Kitty!

Thank You Delta....happy to see YOU still have the sock puppet face...always luved that look!

so Koooool



kittypaws