does age matter?

[cacian]

in a relationship?
I personally have issue with age when it is children/teenager versus adult are concerned.
and
is it correct to have a consent of any sort associtate with a number and not something else?
to set a limit at 16 as a consent form may give ideas to others that are not sixteen anymore.

[Volya]

It shouldn't matter. IMO, the only reason laws should be in place to stop pedophilia, is because in pretty much every case the kid is getting abused. I would have no problem with a 5-year old baby going out with some middle aged man if I knew they both wanted to.

[stephofthenight]

Depends on the ages in question... A 10 year old and a 30 year old-yes I have a MAJOR issue with that... I'm 20 dating a 41 year old and have no issue as we are both adults. A 16 year old dating a 20 year old im not opposed to, except for the fact the older would go to jail. I think once you are an adult (not just by age) Done with College, settled in a career, not living with (and on) mom and dad. You should both be financially and monetarily independent.

[cacian]

It shouldn't matter. IMO, the only reason laws should be in place to stop pedophilia, is because in pretty much every case the kid is getting abused. I would have no problem with a 5-year old baby going out with some middle aged man if I knew they both wanted to.

I guess you speak your age.
You must realise that a five year old does not know water from salt.
What I mean the ability to undestand and differentiate for a 5 year old is further out from that a middle aged man. It is way out of scale and is not without consequences.
God forbid that would ever happen.

[Delta40]

Cacian do you mind me asking if you have dyslexia?

[Volya]

cacian: Of course, five year olds DONT know what they're doing. But in any relationship, as long as both people are consenting, there is nobody who should be able to tell them they can't go out with each other.

[cacian]

Cacian do you mind me asking if you have dyslexia?

I have no idea.
Why do you ask?


cacian: Of course, five year olds DONT know what they're doing. But in any relationship, as long as both people are consenting, there is nobody who should be able to tell them they can't go out with each other.

Well consenting does not necessarily mean that both are in total understanding of what is going on.
In other words just because I said yes to something does not mean I have understood it.
I personally would hope that the upgringing of a child by understanding parents is enough to give that child that clarity about age gap and why it is not right.
Children with understanding communicative loving parents should be well enough equipped to know and make the right decisions not to wonder off with somebody more then half their age.
I think that usually people who end up in a huge gap relationship are because there is something not right within their family upbringing.
I speak from experience. Some do it for attention others do it for help.

[Paulclem]

cacian: Of course, five year olds DONT know what they're doing. But in any relationship, as long as both people are consenting, there is nobody who should be able to tell them they can't go out with each other.

Th problem with this is exerience and awareness. The reason that there is an age limit for sexual relations is that the younger do not necessarily have the life skills to be able to discern the motives and drives of older people. They are thus ripe for exploitation. Plenty of adults suffer exploitative relationships without children being exposed. I, and probably others, would also question why an older person would want to have a relationship with someone under age. What's wrong with them that they can't find/ don't want a mature partner?

I wouldn't buy an explanation concerning love from an older person regarding a younger one. If the relationship matters, then they should be able to wait until the younger is old enugh to make a mature choice.

Ae differences between mature people are their concern.

[Delta40]

I have no idea.
Why do you ask?

Alot of your sentences don't make grammatical sense

[stlukesguild]

Of course, five year olds DONT know what they're doing. But in any relationship, as long as both people are consenting, there is nobody who should be able to tell them they can't go out with each other.

Is there some set age at which we might assume someone should know what they are doing? In other words... how do you deem who is too young?

[Buh4Bee]

I would assume you could look up some psychological research or read some case studies. I know I've had this conversation on Litnet before- there is a lot of research that points to brain development and the link to sound social problem solving or better yet, good common sense. I'd say that 18 years olds are going to be better at this kind of thing than a 16 year old.

[Mutatis-Mutandis]

You must realise that a five year old does not water from salt.
.........


Cacian do you mind me asking if you have dyslexia?
:lol:


As to Volya's five-year-old example, it's obvious he was being hyperbolic. I like how people are actually taking that comment literally.

[cacian]

Alot of your sentences don't make grammatical sense

Yes you are right. I did notice that after I have rereread what I wrote. I tend to also mispelt or forget or miss words. Sometimes I notice and sometimes I just don't see it.
I do the same with numbers. If I am writing a set of numbers from 1 to 7 I tend forget a 5 or a 6 in there.
I use to teach french and whenever I put numbers up on the board the kids will shouting I missed a 5 or 6 or something like that.
Thank you for bringing my attention to it. I shall make more of an effort to reread more then once to check.


Th problem with this is exerience and awareness. The reason that there is an age limit for sexual relations is that the younger do not necessarily have the life skills to be able to discern the motives and drives of older people. They are thus ripe for exploitation. Plenty of adults suffer exploitative relationships without children being exposed. I, and probably others, would also question why an older person would want to have a relationship with someone under age. What's wrong with them that they can't find/ don't want a mature partner?

I wouldn't buy an explanation concerning love from an older person regarding a younger one. If the relationship matters, then they should be able to wait until the younger is old enugh to make a mature choice.

Ae differences between mature people are their concern.

Also I think in a long term relationship where one is much older the other one may not be able to have children because of the age gap.
I often wonder what a 30 year old find interesting with a 16 year old because I am guessing the conversation are way too immature and then too mature.
What would they talk about?

[RicMisc]

I would think age matters, especially when speaking about a relationship between a sixteen and a thirty year old. Somehow that doesn't feel right, even if the younger one would be eighteen that would still feel wrong. To me at least, I can't of course speak for others but I'm eighteen at the moment and I just can't imagine being in a relationship with a thirty year old.

I think that as soon as you reach the age of 25, then age gaps tend to be less of a problem. Since most people at 25 have started their careers and have settled somewhere away from their parents etc. But I would still say that an age gap of twenty years or more could be problematic because the two people are then again in different stages of their live.

But how am I to judge right, I can't imagine being in a relationship with a thirty-year old that doesn't mean everybody should feel that way. As long as it's legal it's fine by me, I think it's just a bit curious sometimes..

[Emil Miller]

I often wonder what a 30 year old find interesting with a 16 year old because I am guessing the conversation are way too immature and then too mature.
What would they talk about?

Pop music. What else?

[cacian]

I would think age matters, especially when speaking about a relationship between a sixteen and a thirty year old. Somehow that doesn't feel right, even if the younger one would be eighteen that would still feel wrong. To me at least, I can't of course speak for others but I'm eighteen at the moment and I just can't imagine being in a relationship with a thirty year old.

I think that as soon as you reach the age of 25, then age gaps tend to be less of a problem. Since most people at 25 have started their careers and have settled somewhere away from their parents etc. But I would still say that an age gap of twenty years or more could be problematic because the two people are then again in different stages of their live.

But how am I to judge right, I can't imagine being in a relationship with a thirty-year old that doesn't mean everybody should feel that way. As long as it's legal it's fine by me, I think it's just a bit curious sometimes..
Agreed. Age is a funny thing when it comes to relationships.
There are too many things involved one does not see or know about.
Sometimes however I feel that women get more of a hard time then men. A woman cougar is a demeaning title to be had. It is more accepted for a he to be with a younger she then she being without a younger he. Society deos not make sense that way.
It does also look like a father/mother figure type of relationship rather then just love. It is hard to tell.


Pop music. What else?

Haha. Banter does make or break surely.

[OrphanPip]

Well a relationship with a 16 year old, despite its legality, certainly doesn't appeal to me. I didn't much like sleeping with 16 year olds when I was that age. Maybe if they were really good looking.

I'm probably more open to intergenerational relationships because of how common they are in the gay community, although that obviously doesn't apply to relationships between minors and adults. I try to set a 5 year limit in age difference, the current bf is a few months older, and I haven't dated someone more than a year older or younger than me.

[Mutatis-Mutandis]

Also I think in a long term relationship where one is much older the other one may not be able to have children because of the age gap.
I often wonder what a 30 year old find interesting with a 16 year old because I am guessing the conversation are way too immature and then too mature.
What would they talk about?

Yeah, because stimulating conversation are what those relationships are all about.

[cacian]

Well a relationship with a 16 year old, despite its legality, certainly doesn't appeal to me. I didn't much like sleeping with 16 year olds when I was that age. Maybe if they were really good looking.

I'm probably more open to intergenerational relationships because of how common they are in the gay community, although that obviously doesn't apply to relationships between minors and adults. I try to set a 5 year limit in age difference, the current bf is a few months older, and I haven't dated someone more than a year older or younger than me.

What are intergenerational relationships that are common in the gay community?
Do you mean to say that couples are of a significant age gap and it is out of choice?

[cacian]

Yeah, because stimulating conversation are what those relationships are all about.

Well ultimately and preferably for me conversations and communication, no matter the subject, are important for a relationship to last.
I don't go into a relationship because of sexual reasons I get bored of it very quickly.
I prefer someone who can talk and have a sense of humour someone I can turn to when I need to and vice versa.
What is the point of staring at a beautiful painting if I am not going to engage my thoughts and give me ideas of my own.
Someone my age is most likely to understand me then someone younger.

[Volya]

cacian: If two people love each other, why should their age matter?

[cacian]

cacian: If two people love each other, why should their age matter?


This is a very good question one that I have not thought about.
I guess it is because it never occured or happened to me.
Love is a great place to be when perfect does not do.
I think it depends on what ages we are talking about.
Do you a 17 year knows love in the same way as 30 year old?