Water Gates

[cacian]

The rain pours out
from heaven's gates
I like the sound
it drowns the sigh

I step outside
to plunge the pain
the water spludges
everywhere's shudders

I try again
I let the strain
run down
terrain

The rain comes
down heavy
extreme
and washes out
the pain away

The water's clear
purity steers
I like the rain
it that lets all drain

[Jeos]

Hi Cacian,

May I suggest the following:

"-The water's clear
purity steers
the rain lets all drain"

summing up we are looking for another way of placing the "I".

enjoyed reading it.

[cacian]

Hi Cacian,

May I suggest the following:

"-The water's clear
purity steers
the rain lets all drain"

summing up we are looking for another way of placing the "I".

enjoyed reading it.

Hi Jeos thank you so much for reading and feedback.
Do you feel there are too many Is?
Is this better?

''the water's clear
purity steers
glad it's the rain
that lets all drain'' ?