How I loved you

[mike southard]

there was never a hour when my thouths didn't drift to you
and fill mind with immensenity of you
there was never a time of regret, only times filled with hope
there was never adream that wasn't fullfilled
or a new dream that wouldn't be
there was never a breath that didn't feel the essence of you
fill me with life, your touch lit my soul
till it burned with desire
your smile captured joy and spread to all you'd see
your eye's shone of exuberance, promising things that you would help me reach
your body sreamed at me, in a way that made me tremble
yourvoice entered my core,echoing sweetness through my viens
all you are, rises and falls within me like a song
my heart beats with your's
my blood can feel you as it flows to all of me
filled with you i have become whom i should be:ladysman:

[hillwalker]

Love poems are ten a penny - every man and his dog has written one over the last 500+ years so it's hard to come up with anything new or original.

You certainly have nothing new to say. The only thing this has that's different to most of the others is the number of typos.

H

[Haunted]

When it comes to poetry, especially when it's about love, don't just say it. Words are cheap. SHOW IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT.

[Sydneysider]

The responses tell me that poetry is a hwrd gig.

Hats off to the OP for presenting his work for criticism.

Much of what you wrote I do not understand. How can sweetness echo? I am not one for poetry though and having read lyrics I wrote, realised I had no talent.

Good luck.

[Jeos]

Love poems are ten a penny - every man and his dog has written one over the last 500+ years so it's hard to come up with anything new or original.

You certainly have nothing new to say. The only thing this has that's different to most of the others is the number of typos.

H


You are right Hillwalker. However I took the risk: someone asked me a song text so I wrote it - Naive II.


Love poems are ten a penny - every man and his dog has written one over the last 500+ years so it's hard to come up with anything new or original.

You certainly have nothing new to say. The only thing this has that's different to most of the others is the number of typos.

H

I meant... a love song, of course.

[Scheherazade]

I will not discuss the experiences that led you to compose this poem. No matter how many love poems are written, no doubt, it feels like the very first time to the person who is experiencing it. :)

However, I would reconcider the line-breaks; as it is, it is hard to read the poem.

Intially, you start with simple past tense (wasn't/didn't) but in mid-verse you switch to positive simple past: "fill me with life, your touch lit my soul", which makes it hard to follow.

And last couple of lines are in Simple Present. You need to decide which tense to use or give clearer indications to the reader for these switches. Is this love in the past or still on-going?

As Hill points out, making sure that at least there are no typos or spelling mistakes while presenting something here is a must. The most gourmet meal will not satisfy if it is presented haphazardly or sloppily.

[Jeos]

Dear Scheherazade,

Are you sure that someone with such an avatar can talk about love??!! (laughs)

[hallaig]

Love poems are ten a penny - every man and his dog has written one over the last 500+ years so it's hard to come up with anything new or original.

H

Cmon, a dog that wrote a love poem would be pretty original.

[mike southard]

I realize that some of you don't or cant appreciate what love does to a heart, however you do make some valid commenets. I would like to reply in kind to you as follows, The love is in the past, but resently rekindled. She fills the love from them and to me that is what really matters the most. Thank you for your comments and I await the futer ones that I am sure will be just as disconcerting.

[hillwalker]

I realize that some of you don't or cant appreciate what love does to a heart, however you do make some valid commenets. I would like to reply in kind to you as follows, The love is in the past, but resently rekindled. She fills the love from them and to me that is what really matters the most.

Almost as baffling as your poem. Do you have spell checker on your pc?

...and we were commenting on your poetry not on your personal experiences regarding the love of your life. I think you're confusing feeling horny with being able to write decent poetry. They seldom go hand in hand.

H