a true moment

[cacian]

It's dark
I stumble
I see a light
it's cold and rumbled
the blurr I stare
a cooling air
blows soft and
there
I catch a glare
a window
glistens
through daylight prism
a new view opens
through skies
and air
I feel the moment
is now and dares
harshness
to prisoned
mind and hind
bathing of seasons
to dark and bare
I feel the reasons
are true and gare
tender is wonders
to blows and tares

[hallaig]

Hurrah! One that half makes sense for a bit. Still doesn't mean anything though apart from a jumble of rhymes and some speciality non-existent words, 'gare'? Bound to be the thin crust of a pizza or something, I haven't looked it up.
'Rumbled the blurr' is one of your best meaningless phrases so far I would say. I think I'll put it on a T-shirt.

I kind of see the idea of the word torrent but does there not have to be a half attachment to maybe not coherence, but meaning, or at least the feeling of something? The only feeling I get is 'Eh?'

[zoolane]

First five lines remind me of being drunk and rest of the lines, looking out of a window in winter with cold sun glaze through.

Favourite lines:I feel the reasons
are true and gare
tender is wonders
to blows and tares

Not sure about word 'tare'.

[Bar22do]

I feel as if drunk from reading this! how do you manage this? intriguing, but could you please tell, in few prose words, what is that you meant to convey?
Thanks in advance...

[Delta40]

It mite be a fartery hite on a windie pate but I could be wrong. Anyway, the point is this: How many ways can you say Eh?

[hallaig]

Sometimes you can say 'whit?'

[cacian]

Thank you for reading and feedback.:smile5:
I am trying to make it as obvious as possible but sometimes the words slip before I do kind of thing. I write with words and so words take a turn for the better or sometimes not so better/clear.
The story goes like this:
Something happened not a good thing obviously and someone came along and decided to solve it.
The reference to dark and blurr and stumbling is all part of the seriousness of the case that needed solving.
The reference to light is there as a guidance, a reassurance that all will be alrigh in the end. A bil like a light at the end of a tunnel type of thing.
The reference to the moment is now and dares means things came to a head and eventually the stress of it collapsed for the better.
A bit like a weight on the shoulder it phasese out eventually.
I tend to prefer writing with a touch of dark but with a twist of uplift to it.
Does that help a little?

[hillwalker]

Does that help a little?

No. Because your explanations are as muddled as your poems.


I am trying to make it as obvious as possible but sometimes the words slip before I do kind of thing. I write with words and so words take a turn for the better or sometimes not so better/clear.

This makes it seem as if you're writing the poem directly onto LitNet without first reading through it or editing those words that 'slip'. If all your work is off-the-cuff it goes some way to explaining your bizarre vocabulary.


The reference to dark and blurr and stumbling is all part of the seriousness of the case that needed solving.

Other than 'dark' - how do 'blurr' and 'stumbing' convey seriousness?


The reference to the moment is now and dares means things came to a head and eventually the stress of it collapsed for the better. A bit like a weight on the shoulder it phasese out eventually.

How can 'dares' possibly mean things came to a head?


I tend to prefer writing with a touch of dark but with a twist of uplift to it.

Does that mean you take your cognac neat or with a twist of absinthe? :eek6:

That might explain everything...


H

[cacian]

Dear hillwalker I am not cognac drinker, althoug one enjoys one after a delighteful dinner, and absinthe is far too wild for my liking.
You see my enthusiasm for words is as real as your enthusiasm for literature.
Only I am a learner and you are the studied.
I appreciate your feedback greatly.

[hillwalker]

You are most welcome, as I'm sure you realise by now.

H