About You

[Delta40]

Lord how you sprinkled
your love
in icing sugar kisses
shrouding the taste
of your virginian cancer lips
As the world economy collapsed
around us
volcanoes erupted
and another child was pushed out
on all fours
We thought we had it all
riding life like a mechanical bull
till each of us was thrown
tossed
and finally too battered to get back on
In a lonely bedsit you struggled
for your last breath
A lifetime away
I stared at the floor

[Hawkman]

Hi Delta,

As someone who has known a similar scenario, I'm inclined to relate to this poem.

I would query the necessity of "high grade"' which, I feel, over extends the idea. I think you can do without it.

Grammatically, "till each of us were thrown" isn't quite right. "each of us was..." would be correct here, because, "each of us," is an abbreviated form of "each one of us." A collective "we" would warrant the use of were.

Apart from this, a strong piece with a powerful ending.

Live and be well - H

[Delta40]

Thanks Hawk. Edited at your suggestion.

[Bar22do]

Speaks to me directly, Delta, your economy and sharp context choices are so efficient! A sad poem I enjoyed immensely. Thank you.

[Delta40]

Thank you Bar.