The Stairs

[zoolane]

The Stairs

The stairs I climb within my soul.
My soul is tinted from within.
And there is nothing to compare too.
No crack shall break through.
The soul is enraged with despair.
The narrow tunnel of emptiness is air itself.

[zoolane]

The Cove

I am here in my sear mind,
twist of fate at in the cove.
In cove of midnight were I am,
alone with all these thoughts.
They are running like mad,
make me go insane with all.
Insane in my skull,
as my brain rattle.

[Jack of Hearts]

Hi Zoo.

This reader always thought your work was special. Your work is special because there is poetic magic in it- the kind that comes before language. Anyone sensitive to poetry can tell. And your poetic force overcomes the grammatical errors. But grammar is what gives language precision and form. You're always getting better, but there are parts of this poem that this reader didn't understand as precisely as he'd like to.


The stairs at I climb within my soul.

This first line successfully creates the image of stairs in the narrator’s soul. It’s grammatically malformed, though. The preposition ‘at’ doesn’t make sense here (even in poetry). If we take out ‘at,’ we get:

- The stairs I climb within my soul.

This sentence doesn’t have a predicate, so it is an incomplete sentence. In poetry, however, we sometimes break the rules of grammar.


My soul is tinted within and nothing to compare.

You’ve done a good job describing the soul (where the stairs are). This sentence gets a bit confusing after the word ‘and.’ You have said that there is ‘something’ that nothing can compare to. Did you mean...

- My soul is tinted within and [there is] nothing to compare to [my soul? my soul’s tint? ‘it (indefinite)?]


No crack shall break through.

This reader thinks this means that the soul will not crack or shatter. This is a really good line.


The soul is enrage with despair.

We need to say ‘enraged’ rather than ‘enrage.’ This is a very strong line, there’s a lot of force in it.


The narrow tunnel of compare is air itself.

This reader doesn’t understand what you meant with this line. ‘To compare’ is a verb. You seem to be using it as an adjective. What do you mean, zoo?





J

[zoolane]

Hi Zoo.

This reader always thought your work was special. Your work is special because there is poetic magic in it- the kind that comes before language. Anyone sensitive to poetry can tell. And your poetic force overcomes the grammatical errors. But grammar is what gives language precision and form. You're always getting better, but there are parts of this poem that this reader didn't understand as precisely as he'd like to.



This first line successfully creates the image of stairs in the narrator’s soul. It’s grammatically malformed, though. The preposition ‘at’ doesn’t make sense here (even in poetry). If we take out ‘at,’ we get:

- The stairs I climb within my soul.

This sentence doesn’t have a predicate, so it is an incomplete sentence. In poetry, however, we sometimes break the rules of grammar.



You’ve done a good job describing the soul (where the stairs are). This sentence gets a bit confusing after the word ‘and.’ You have said that there is ‘something’ that nothing can compare to. Did you mean...

- My soul is tinted within and [there is] nothing to compare to [my soul? my soul’s tint? ‘it (indefinite)?]



This reader thinks this means that the soul will not crack or shatter. This is a really good line.



We need to say ‘enraged’ rather than ‘enrage.’ This is a very strong line, there’s a lot of force in it.



This reader doesn’t understand what you meant with this line. ‘To compare’ is a verb. You seem to be using it as an adjective. What do you mean, zoo?





J

Thank you J,
It being while since I wrote any poetry. Grammar is my weakest point and following your suggests the poem will be edit and 'compare' should 'nothing'.

[Jack of Hearts]

Thank you J,
It being while since I wrote any poetry. Grammar is weak point and following your suggests the poem will be edit and 'compare' should 'nothing'.

You're welcome, zoo. Yes, grammar is very hard. You keep getting better, though. Keep writing.







J

[zoolane]

I am sitting at my desk,
my eyes are roll in the held water behind.

I am not allow to have freedom of speech?
Just like everyone else.

Apparently not because I can not type correct English.

I am person just like you,
why can you see that?

[Delta40]

I like them both. I'm loathe to correct your writing because I really like the places where you take me. The less is more concept often works for me too, opening up wide spaces in my imagination

[Jack of Hearts]

I am sitting at my desk,
my eyes are roll in the held water behind.

I am not allow to have freedom of speech?
Just like everyone else.

Apparently not because I can not type correct English.

I am person just like you,
why can you see that?



This poster is pretty sure he knows the post that inspired this one, zoo. That post was disgusting and is the one that made this poster respond. It's hard and scary to learn and use a second or third language sometimes. But you're doing a good job. And people like reading your work.


Keep writing, zoo.




J

[zoolane]

:)Thank you to everyone for their support.

[hillwalker]

Perhaps some people on here think we shouldn't give you any credit as a writer because you struggle with the basics of grammar. But what you're striving to express is so apparent when we look closer that it would be a travesty to withdraw your freedom to post or to ignore the effort and sheer willpower you put into your work.

My advice, as always, keep doing what you do best.

H

[Jerrybaldy]

Love the last one particularly zoo, it states your case perfectly. Never stop, as people, like me and unlike me, love to read what you write.

[zoolane]

Thank you Hill and Jerry.

[Haunted]

Really like The Cove. You convey your feelings really well. That is not something anyone can do, and no one can take that away from you.

[Mutatis-Mutandis]

I've said this before, zoolane, and am not only echoing what others are saying here, but your dyslexia gives your work on odd, original, and genuine flavor that is quite wonderful. Some poets poets try and try to purposely break grammar rules and it just never works. You do it unintentionally and it works, and I think it is because of that genuine-ness. I doubt anyone would guess your dyslexic from reading your poetry. I think most would just think you're a pretty good poet.

As to the two poems, I'm kind of too tired to do any real in depth analysis, but I really like "The Cove," but "The Stairs" just doesn't strike me. Unless it 19th century romanticism, I usually grow weary when a poet talks about his/her soul.

[zoolane]

Thank Haunted and Mutatis, I am very lucky to have friends on here who support me and like most of what I writing.

[Bar22do]

Dyslexia is a different 'planet' and it's up to us, ordinary humans, to explore it. You give us such wonderful opportunity. Lke Mutatis said, your candor opens all the doors to the jewels of your creative mind! Keep taking care of your right brain's treasures! The grammar will come or will not, but your talent is here, clearer every time and you have things to say.
"The Cove" conveys as if 'no exit' anxiety, in "The Stairs" there is a deep idea of the clash between the perfection of the soul and the 'air' = outside world which for the narrator is emptiness... and for a reason. It's poignant.
Thank you Zool.
I think there is no need to encourage you to write, for you know what you need to do and you do it so freely. I like to read you, even though I do not always find the time to comment (busy life, I'm afraid...). But I've been sick for a few days and now have taken an additional day to rest. See? It's so useful to be unwell, from time to time! :smile5:

[Delta40]

I'm thinking it's :grouphug: time...

[MystyrMystyry]

Go Go Zoo! :)

These are quite excellent and refreshing in their brevity. Don't know if I can pick favorites but the latest one speaks beyond its subject. I'd agree with Mutatis that poems about the soul seem twee, but you have done something much different with the idea.

[zoolane]

Thank you Delta for group hug much need, Bar thank you for kind words and MM thank you, Your poems are action packed with fun.

[cacian]

The Stairs

The stairs I climb within my soul.
My soul is tinted from within.
And there is nothing to compare too.
No crack shall break through.
The soul is enraged with despair.
The narrow tunnel of emptiness is air itself.



I like this one very much.
There is much to learn from reading this.
What is good about your poetry is your ability to express your feelings without doubting or worrying about it.
The more you write and the more exquisite you become at challenging anything.
I believe in the power of words and you have just that nack to challenge them.