Prince Charming

[DieterM]

Leave your white mare outside,
Sit down on my outworn sofa,
Flash your gummy smile and blow
Your mint breath through the room,
Soak my house with smells
Of spicy perfumes and that oil
That keeps your shiny armour from rusting
And murmur your sugar words.

Your brothers and cousins have warmed
My door-handle before you, have placed
Their majestic behinds on that sofa,
Have sweet-tongued through spring afternoons.
They have offered booze to open doors,
They have bestowed me with joints and powder,
Have tried to kiss my life and longing away,
Have left me shut down and anesthetized.

But you really look the part,
You are the right and one and only, I'm sure.
If you don’t mind, I want to check
On your white mare, see if she’s fine.
Don’t stand up, keep humming
Your siren's song, your lures and lullabies
While I try that leather saddle.
Stay, please stay, while I thrust my heels
Into her flanks and gallop into newness…

[Hawkman]

Dieter - the man who stole Prince Charming's horse! What a great read this was. Loved the tongue in cheekiness of it, the subtle humour.

Live and be well - H

[Jack of Hearts]

Your brothers and cousins have warmed
My door-handle before you, have placed
Their majestic behinds on that sofa,
Have sweet-tongued through spring afternoons.
They have offered booze to open doors,
They have bestowed me with joints and powder,
Have tried to kiss my life and longing away,
Have left me shut down and anesthetized.

Liked it as well, but no idea what it's really about. Is Prince Charming slang for a drug? Why's this poem have such sexual undertones? One could build interpretations. Gonna go google Prince Charming to see if the kids are doing it these days...





J


EDIT: Well, in the context of the poem, it seems like Prince Charming is one of a long line of suitors. But what does it mean to steal his horse?

[Jack of Hearts]

Just got a little help. Completely fumbled the interpretation. Maybe the best thing this reader can do is bump it. It deserves better lol






J

[DieterM]

Thanks to both of you, and look at me - started out as the Guy who Stole Prince Charming's Horse, and ended up as the Sleeping Beauty!!! LOL Asleep so deeply that I didn't even reply to your comments, which is really, really so not me, so impolite, so utterly not waltzy-curtsey-Empress Sissi-Austrian of me! And thanks, Hawkman, for shaking me awake (I doubt you'd care to KISS me awake, after me having French-kissed the Prince's Mare, lol). And now I'll gonna find me a nice poem to re-post for this double-dare-thingie... Have I said thanks for commenting? Thanks, I mean it...

[AuntShecky]

The sensibility of this one reminds me of the fiction of Donald Barthelme and
Angela Carter. (That's pretty darn high praise.) Even so, your piece is not
"derivative," (as high-falutin' critics like to say) but rather refreshingly inventive.

My only criticism is to revise a handful of your line breaks. Generally speaking, in free verse it's better to end a line with a "strong" word like a noun or a verb --even a modifier in some cases-- but not a preposition or a possessive pronoun: "of," "that," "to," and "your." Just move those words to the beginning of the next line.

[DieterM]

Dear aunt, thanks for your precious comment and your praise, which found its way straight to my heart :-)) Your suggestions are very helpful, I will keep them in mind when I'll edit the poem. Glad you enjoyed!