away with the fairies

[cacian]

a fairy tale
a beauty gale
it has a case
a city pale
a lady lay
and counts of grey
a sting in say
the story fakes
surreal tastes
implies hurrays
of sounds and choirs
lays about ways
life is a cake
one eats with grace
then power phase
to fly and race
alas a day
is coined astray
a city pale
is nought a ray
and lady lay
is hardly quaint
truffles are cut
to butter slice
ladies and gents
are made to sour
a sweet attire
to bravest hire

[Jack of Hearts]

And we're back. Once again, this is impenetrable. It's a bit frustrating.

It reminds this reader of one of his first nights out in France, talking to some French girls in his awful French. They were frustrated, too, at the lack of communication taking place and this reader now empathizes with them; "F!cking ENUNCIATE!" said a little one with a big, angry voice.

F!cking enunciate, cacian.






J

[cacian]

And we're back. Once again, this is impenetrable. It's a bit frustrating.

It reminds this reader of one of his first nights out in France, talking to some French girls in his awful French. They were frustrated, too, at the lack of communication taking place and this reader now empathizes with them; "F!cking ENUNCIATE!" said a little one with a big, angry voice.

F!cking enunciate, cacian.






J

Ouch sorry Jack I thought this was clear.
It is simply detailing that a life of a fairy tale, a prince and a princess simply is not reality.
People are complex and harder to get.
I am sorry if this is not clear.:( :)

[Volya]

I... I don't understand...

[hillwalker]

You thought this was clear??????????????????????

It must be a cultural issue because despite your attempt to explain what this poem is about - je ne comprende pas...

You obviously would like to be taken a little more seriously as a writer of English poetry, so let's see what you have given us here.

The title 'Away with the Fairies' was presumably chosen unintentionally since the phrase is generally used to describe someone who is out of touch with the real world; someone who inhabits their own planet unlike the rest of us.

As for the poem itself:

a fairy tale - so far so good

a beauty gale - since 'beauty' normally refers to the abstract concept of attractiveness this line is nonsensical - it's not a countable noun so you can't have 'a beauty', or even two or three beauties
'gale' is another word for a strong wind - perhaps you meant to write 'a beautiful gale' - but how can a gale be beautiful?

it has a case - what has a case? the gale? and what do you mean by 'case'? My dictionary gives 25 definitions - but my best guess is that you mean the gale has a reason for its existence. What an odd statement to make, and how does this tie back to a fairy tale??

a city pale - another sentence fragment that doesn't make much sense - 'pale' has 13 definitions... presumably you are saying the city is colourless. But again, what's that got to do with the topic you are writing about? Which city is this?

a lady lay - is this lady lying inside the city? A wild guess.

and counts of grey - who are these counts? and why are they grey? You probably chose this colour because it rhymes - but that's hardly a reliable technique in expressing oneself.

a sting in say - impossible to figure out what this means - where has the sting come from? - and since 'say' is a verb, 'in say' is gibberish

the story fakes - do you mean the story is fake? or that it pretends to be something it isn't? not the clearest expression.

surreal tastes - yes, these two words make sense, but where do they fit in with the rest of the poem? Whose tastes are you writing about now?

implies hurrays - are you now writing about the 'story' again? and are you trying to tell us these stories are enjoyable? If so you have a strange way of saying the simplest things.

of sounds and choirs - why sounds? what sounds?

lays about ways - and what does this line mean? The word 'lays' is an archaic word for 'songs' so are these songs about ways (what ways?)? Or does the story 'lay' or 'lie' about ways? Your insistence on writing in a way that is impossible to decipher is astonishing.

life is a cake - I understand this (but am scratching my head - where has this random thought appeared from and what's it got to do with fairy tales?)

one eats with grace - not necessarily - but again it's all about the rhyme rather than writing so things make any kind of sense

then power phase - now this completely baffles me - you'll have to explain what this line means because it seems to have no relevance to anything else in the poem (except that it rhymes again)

to fly and race - what's flying? what's racing?

alas a day - indeed

is coined astray - how can you 'coin' a day? and how can a day be 'astray'?

a city pale - we know

is nought a ray - 'nought' means 'nothing' - so the city is now nothing - and you've stuck the phrase 'as ray' on the end of the line because it has to rhyme

and lady lay - again, impressive rhyming

is hardly quaint - another strange way of saying what? this lady is not really very appealing?

truffles are cut - What? Where did the truffles come from?

to butter slice - and how can truffles be used to butter anything? 'slice' is not the same as 'beauty' - it needs 'a' in front of it to make sense - assuming you're using it as a noun... or are you trying to say the cut truffles are used to slice butter?

ladies and gents - mesdames et messieurs - je comprende

are made of sour - 'sour' is an adjective - the opposite of sweet - you can't make anything out of it because it's not a substance

sweet is attire - neither is 'sweet' - perhaps you mean sweetness, or are you now writing is reverse and trying to say 'attire is sweet'? The adjective 'sweet' is usually applied to sugary foodstuffs or something cute. Is the clothing cute? and whose clothing is it?

to bravest hires - finally the end, and another line that is meaningless.

I'm not sure who needs most help - you with your non-existent grip on the English language or me for wasting fifteen minutes trying to make head or tail of your poem. It's completely unfair of you to expect any reader to work through a poem like this in search of the 'message' - and if your answer is 'They don't have to' then whydo you post it in the first place?

When you post your explanations or make other comments on here you seem able to express your self in English well enough to be understood. So why do you change your style when you write poetry to such a degree that it's almost too embarrassing to watch?

H

[cacian]

hilwalker thank you for your lengthy feedback.
Sometimes I can't help writing the way I write.
There is a meaning there a least to me.
A city pale means a guy who lives/works in a city. Pale refers to 'skin tone'
A lady lay meaning a lady of leisure/good time.
I could not write a lady lei ( short for leisure) so had to spell it lay.
I changed the two lines:

ladies and gents
are made to sour
a sweet attire
to bravest hire

This mean that people are not all that easy hence the word sour
'bravest hire' means individuals who take on relationships are brave because it is hard work to get to the 'sweetest part/side' of the person they get involved with.

[hallaig]

What patience you have, Hillwalker. Must be all that fresh air.

[cacian]

What patience you have, Hillwalker. Must be all that fresh air.

LOL I guess it is one of those moments haha.

[hillwalker]

I am indeed patient, and sometimes it pays off. See? Finally we get an insight to why so little of your poetry makes sense to the rest of us. You're combining some private shorthand with a fundamental misunderstanding of the English language.


A city pale means a guy who lives/works in a city. Pale refers to 'skin tone'

I don't see how we're meant to find any reference to a 'guy' in this phrase - the fact that you've chosen 'pale' to signify the tone of his skin is irrelevant. Just because you decided it was about a man doesn't mean you managed to convey that idea to your readers.


A lady lay meaning a lady of leisure/good time.
I could not write a lady lei ( short for leisure) so had to spell it lay.

This is hilarious. 'Lei' is short for leisure? In which language? And you had to spell it 'lay' but it was supposed to still mean 'leisure'? No wonder no one can make head or tail of this nonsense.


I changed the two lines:
ladies and gents/are made to sour/a sweet attire/to bravest hire
This mean that people are not all that easy hence the word sour

Since when is 'sour' the same as 'difficult'? Do you use a dictionary or thesaurus? If so, where does 'sour' translate to 'difficult'?


'bravest hire' means individuals who take on relationships are brave because it is hard work to get to the 'sweetest part/side' of the person they get involved with.

'hire' means to pay money for the use of something or someone - so perhaps these brave individuals are hiring a prostitute or a gigolo. I don't know. But the rest of your definition is ludicrous. The word 'attire' presumably means 'relationship' in your private language.


Sometimes I can't help writing the way I write.
There is a meaning there a least to me.

But since no one else is able to share what you're trying to convey in this way then surely you should try to write in a different way.
The more you try to explain your bizarre way of mangling the language the less I'm inclined to bother reading any more of your stuff. You might as well be writing in Klingon.

H

[Delta40]

I could not write a lady lei ( short for leisure) so had to spell it lay.

Lei is not short for leisure but is a wreath or garland of flowers.