The Real Me

[Ruth Stephenson]

The more happier I get
The more sadder I feel inside,
The more stronger I feel about myself
The more weaker I get inside,
The more I talk to others
I never spill out how I feel,
I hide everything
From the world
They think they know me
But really they don't.
The more I feel pretty
I look into the mirror
And see myself as a beast
If only people would leave me alone
They don't the real me
And they never will.
I look back at how far I've come,
And it's right here in the Stephenson family,
I may get mad or even sad
But that's what life is about.
I'll look back on this very day
And realize how special this moment has been for me:)

[crusoe]

Nobody can really know you. Do you really want people to leave you alone...honest ?

[Ruth Stephenson]

No I don't want them to leave, I wrote this poem awhile back when I was depressed, but now I have come along ways in life and I've accomplished so much in life sense I have opened up:)

[Ruth Stephenson]

You make a promise
You hold it close and you squeeze the life from it
until it's suffocating
Your error is a miniscule one
this promise isn't one you need to keep
so
You open your arms and let it float away like dandelion dust
to be caught on the waves of a sea
or the petal of a flower
and the wide berth of a river that flows and ebbs
and this promise, it floats
and goes
and comes
and sticks and stays
you don't need to hold it anymore
it clings to you, to your insides, wrapped up like a vine
curled around the most sacred parts of you
it remains

Someday it'll go again
That someday isn't right now
This promise stayed better than you ever could.

[Ruth Stephenson]

My heart is racing all the time,
My mind is spinning like crazy
My emotions are mixed feelings...
This dream I dream of is fading away
And these memories I have of you
Will have to fade away,
I can no longer stay in fantasy land
Because it hurts to think of you...
I wish and hope
For these feelings and thoughts to disappear.

[Ruth Stephenson]

I close my eyes
and there you stand before my eyes,
I dream one day that you'll be here
begging me to forgive you
and I'll look at you as i cry in tears
telling you it's okay
and that I have no more fears,
for I have turned out to be a success.
Sometimes I have dreams that you'll go away
and I'm screaming out it pain,
trying to find you
and wishing that I could see you...
It is hard to see you,
at times I wish you were here by my side
because I have these horrible nightmares...
I dream that you'll die right before my eyes
as you tell me your sorry for everything
and as I start to cry,
I tell you one last thing
"I care for you and I do forgive you,"
I give you one last hug and say my prayers
as you say goodbye.
Why did you have to die,
but now I realize that this is only a dream
and I feel so lonely because now I can't see you until I'm eighteen
but days do go by fast
so stay alive until I get to see you,
my dreams may not be real
but at times I feel you in my presence.
When I close my eyes
I picture you standing by my side
and you may not be there
but I will always have you in my heart ♥

[Ruth Stephenson]

These memories will never go away
these feelings will never leave me
everyday i think of you
and i can never stop thinking of you either:)
with what we said to each other
it wasn't ever true
for i didn't mean to hurt you.
keep on dreaming because i know it will get better,
i know life is hard but just keep having faith
for one day your dreams will go far,
more than you will ever dream it to go.

[hillwalker]

Sorry, but there's nothing positive I can say about any of this. It leaves me stone cold because there's nothing here I can relate to.

It's like coming across a box of old Valentine cards hidden in someone's bedside drawer. Second-hand sentiments churned out like lines of linguini from a pasta machine. They meant something to someone but weren't intended to be shared with strangers.

No doubt you felt a great deal of sentiment when you produced each of these but you failed to transmit that to this reader. It's about as emotive as a bumper sticker.

H

[Ruth Stephenson]

I'm sorry you feel that you don't understand anything of what I post...
I thought this was about poetry and supporting people on here....

[Ruth Stephenson]

When I look up into the night
I see the stars looking down on me
and I can picture you in the stars...
I try to reach out to you
but something keeps holding me back,
and it's pulling me away from you.
My heart is aching inside
wondering what's gonna happen next?!?!?!?
If I only I could talk to you,
to tell you that I'm sorry
because I swear I'm telling you the truth
and it's coming from the bottom of my heart.
I just wish I could talk to you again
because I think about you all the time
and I was wrong to even say anything
because I wish I could take it all back...
I miss you so much
and I have to much pain inside me,
at times I wish I could just forget you,
Now I'll close my eyes and take a breathe and fly away...
So goodbye forever now.

[miyako73]

Ruth, to develop as a writer, constructive comments like Hill's will definitely help you. So now, move on to the next level. Write stuff that are not cheesy, too florid, and boring as in Hallmark boring.

[Ruth Stephenson]

A person can only take it one time until they fall apart.
I gave you my all but it has never turned out right,
now we have departed from one another
and so we will no longer be together.....
I thought you were so much more but I was wrong
for you had cheated on me
and told me lies,
now I know the truth and it hurts like hell.
My love for you is no longer there
and as I linger here in the darkness
I cry with silent tears
streaming down to were I can no longer stand it....
I just wanted to be with you,
and with that I had told you that I would wait for you.
I was fair warned that you were not the guy
to be with but I would not believe believe them
because I was to in love with you at that time.
We both have hurt one another
and we now must depart...
I had held you close to me
and even more close to my heart
but it is now full of pain
and I'm to the point were I no longer care to be with someone...
My heart aches for you but time will go on and we will soon forget
each other. So may we forget each other
and say our last goodbyes
for we have nothing more to say,
so goodbye forever because I guess it was never meant to be...

[Delta40]

I guess it is because you're writing blatantly obvious statements throughout. It is rather like a naked dummy with no dressing whatsoever. No makeup, no hair, no clothes to choose from - to mix or match even. Little imagination. Mostly a collection of statements of what is obviously happening.

Even if they meant something to the writer, it doesn't make for good poetry.

Take this pain you're wanting to convey and transform it into a whole bunch of metaphors. For example, what is pain like?

[Ruth Stephenson]

Okay then, I get it now and thanks I'll try to do better:) I guess I did need that constructive critisisim.... I was just to sensitive to the comment because I don't like to be critisized, I now know that I have some things to correct to make it sound better:)

[Delta40]

I'm glad. What you want to do is show us rather than tell us if that makes sense.

[Ruth Stephenson]

I think it does:/ lol. But anyways I'm going to publish another one of my poems and I'm surprised that this poem was actually published in a book.... I at least hope you guys/girls will like it.

Well thank you again:) I'm suprised to say this because I didnt think that this poem of mine would get published:/ so I want to share it with you guys/girls and I hope you like it.

[crusoe]

Hi Ruth,...it sounds like Entries in a Poesie-Album, private thoughts with relation to your Life. Well, that is very private and nobody will understand. Sometimes you see a few lines like that in old 19th century Romances, so...what's bad about that ? My advise: don't turn something that flows out of you into "work". Don't chisel every word out of you. Don't turn it over a thousand times. Some folks don't like it ? Well, that's a daisy, hahaha.

[Delta40]

I think it does:/ lol.

Don't say: I am in pain

Imagine you had to describe pain in every possible way except for just saying it as a fact.

[hallaig]

Imagine there's a rule or unbreakable law that states you can't express openly how sad or happy you are, your pain or your joy. Then write a poem about a house, a flower, a cat, a banana skin, a cloud, a dustbin, anything at all.

[hillwalker]

Your poem 'Hurting' shows you can write poetry.

It's promising that you can take our well-meant criticisms with good grace. If you look at the rest of the poems you have posted so far they're littered with platitudes: banal statements or assertions that give the appearance of being profound when they're obviously not.

Try to step back from your emotions in order to look at how you can better portray them so they actually mean something to the rest of us.

And congratulations on getting one published!

H

[Jerrybaldy]

Hi Ruth, I would guess you are quite young, though its all relative, right? Delta gave some good advice here in not saying what you are but how you are. Appreciated poetry tends to be cryptic but not impenetrable. Thats a dodgy ride just there. Its not writing how you would talk or even how you would think but taking somebody into your imagination, your idea, by capturing the essence of it.

Thats that for what its worth.
best wishes JB

PS when you post lots of poems in one thread, at one time, they are diluted like pure orange with lots of water.

[Ruth Stephenson]

Yes I'm a young writer Jerrybaldy, and I'm glad to have you people help me to see the mistakes I have made and how I need to fix them:) have you people ever had poems of yours published? Because I want to be able to accomplish actually writing real poetry, so then I can show my dad:)

[Delta40]

I haven't submitted my work and there is diverse opinions about the quality of poetry posted here so when you say real poetry, I'm not quite sure what you mean Ruth!

Your best bet is to read other poets. Well known poets and obscure ones too. Be influenced by their styles and don't be afraid to read the poems posted here either.

Lit-Nutters welcome comments on their work and it will help you to discern what you like and what you don't like in poetic styles

You'll be one of the family before you know it!