Is it english ?

[ReuSun87]

Outside, the trees dance, led by the wind. In their fearful frenetic dance, dominated by the wind, who remorselessly shake their upper body, their leaves have no more strength to hold on their branches and desperately falls for a last, unknowably long valse with the undeniable master.

[hallaig]

Outside the trees dance, led by the wind. In their fearful frenetic dance, dominated by the wind which remorselessly shakes their upper bodies, their leaves have no more strength to hold on to their branches and desperately fall for a last, unknowably long valse with the undeniable master.

[ReuSun87]

Thank you for the corrections ;)
I would like to know what you understand from this sentence, and what words should be changed. My mother tongue is not english :)

[hallaig]

I wouldn't use the word dance more than once
You've said 'dominated by the wind' and 'led by the wind'. I'd drop one of the two. 'led by the wind' is better given the dance idea
valse is a strange word, why not waltz?

eg Outside the trees dance, led by the wind. It is fearful, frenetic, they are remorselessly shaken. Leaves, with no more strength to hold on, fall desperately for a last, unknowably long waltz with the undeniable master.

[hillwalker]

What did I understand from this - perhaps there's a message, that we all have to accept our fate and that even death can be the beginning of a better existence. Or there again it may just be a depiction of leaves falling from a branch...

As for changing some of the words, well in my opinion this was over-written. There's far too much description of what is really quite a simple scene. Instead of making the image clearer you are making it almost impossible to visualise.

Most of the adjectives and adverbs add nothing to the picture you have drawn for us:

- fearful, frenetic dance' (do we need two adjectives here?)
- 'remorselessly shakes'
- 'desperately fall' (how can something fall desperately?)
- 'unknowably long' (a horrible expression that is meaningless)
- 'undeniable master' (this is the author placing a religious element into the piece that will not appeal to all readers).

It's tempting to add as much detail as possible when describing Nature, but in this case the style of writing was overpowering - it felt like we were being given too much rich food to eat.

H

[Volya]

'undeniable master' could be taken to mean death.

[hillwalker]

Good point, Volya.