Revised Version of "The Spell"

[Jeos]

You are looking in vain
for a single sign
a single shred that is:
- From your last skin
there is nothing left…

How many fights will you
have to lead
how many skins will you
have to lose
to finally earn your wings?


Pore to pore- step by step
from this skin
to that skin
It may well be
your last…

[Jack of Hearts]

This is going to be crap feedback. The feedback is going to be crap because poems like this, in this reader's opinion, don't give us much to work with in the first place. But Jeos, this reader has seen gifts of language in your work, and your disposition seems amicable enough. You contribute here meaningfully and your efforts cannot be called mediocre. What's more, you dare into philosophy in a language that isn't your native, and there's something to be said for that; and for how articulate you end up being. So in that spirit, this reader will dive in and see what he pulls out of this.



You are looking in vain
for a single sign
a single shred that is:
- From your last skin
there is nothing left…

The first two lines suggest the futility of causality. Causality to the human perspective is futile because this reader think's its true that we search for the 'single sign' where we should be seeing the sum of things. Example, 'If only I had done A different, I wouldn't be B.' This reader would say the essence of your life necessitates that you be B whether or not A. Something in the essence that you define for yourself necessitated B, with the cause A being purely illusory at worst and part of the essence at best.

Line three, if it does indeed fit (a statement about fundamental ontology?), might be alluding the the illusory nature of a cause.

Line four and five might suggest the world views we put ourselves through (this reader has long suspected that this in fact the essence of the metaphor of reincarnation in Buddhism- ego invention). Line five just suggest that the shedding is absolute and/or nonreal, seeing as no part of the last skin remains.


How many fights will you
have to lead
how many skins will you
have to lose
to finally earn your wings?

As if the struggle amounts to salvation. This strophe seems to mock the idea. It seems to suggest one cannot 'earn [their] wings' through this ridiculous struggle. Again, seems a bit like Buddhism. At the very least, it's contre the Judeo-Chrisitan ethic.



Pore to pore- step by step
from this skin
to that skin
It may well be
your last…

A question of mortality or transcendence.

Thoroughly enjoyed none of that. At the end of the day, everything you read about in continental philosophy leads to the same place. It eats itself and builds itself into non-philosophy.

The whole point of putting philosophy into verse or metaphor is to communicate truths that cannot be gotten at verbally. Words seem only able to circle these truths. Unfortunately, these truths aren't about cosmology, or ontology, or metaethics. Those things cease to exist. And that's why this reader thinks this type of poetry ultimately fails.









J

[cacian]

Jeos I like this very much.
Thank you for a lovely read.

[Bar22do]

Jeos, if I am to be sincere, I am very much with Jack for this one. He gave such a generous analysis and conclusion. I think you have a lot to say, but your intuitions and/or truths should more transpire from your poetry than be 'told'. For me, the skins' metaphor is too obvious for reincarnations, while the hope for nirvana (after the last skin) is altogether questionable in my perspective. But this is another discussion. I appreciate your stubborn effort at refining your expression and feel the sparks that wait to shine. Looking forward to see them soon.

[Jeos]

Hey Jack. Crap feedback ? Not at all. Constructive comments are always welcome. But I'll come to it later if that doesn't bother you - i'm short of time now. For the moment I'll just say that if on one side I am a serious practitioner of a certain "philosophy" (more a way of being) of Hindu origin (but not buddhism) on the other side ...well on the very first version of my text I used the 'I' instead of the 'you' and part of the text was inspired by an asian woman whose chinese sign is the Serpent (I suppose that astrology is crap for you but that's another matter)...however later I get back from my ashes and in a "tour the force" I reversed the spell until the 'I' became 'you'...and it worked just fine...

[Jeos]

Bar my friend as you can see I mean read there are other different views on my text... but as I said to Jack I'll get back later to the subject. Your comment is partly justified the other part shows less lucidity.
Sometimes I am "accused" of being too hermetic (Dangerous Games), sometimes of being to explicit ?! Hhhuumm...

[Jeos]

Thanks Cacian !