time takes all

[cacian]

thus you speak of race
and case
the book you hold is
something else
the cover's rushed
with borded fence
it cringes hinges
of scolded rust

thus you preach of
must and first
the words
are crammed with danger games
subtelty is valued pace
hasteful
fearful
you dodge the fate

thus you plot a world
of gloss
the brush strokes are clammed
with trods
the residue is tainted paste
it sticks a plaque of lust
and gust

thus you speak of gold
and molds
the shine of metals
ruin the pulse
heavy loaded it lodges
dull
surely it's time to drop
the gall

[hallaig]

'The brush strokes are edgy with trods?'.

No offence but I cannae make heid nor tail of this

[cacian]

'The brush strokes are edgy with trods?'.

No offence but I cannae make heid nor tail of this

Hehe that is just the way it is. :p
Oh 'the brush strokes are clamped with trods' I think might make some kind of sense.

[hillwalker]

Hehe that is just the way it is. :p
Oh 'the brush stroked are clamped with trods' I think might make some kind of sense.

No - that makes even less sense than before:

brush stroked - one assumes you mean 'brush strokes' since the word 'stroked' is not a noun (and you have written 'strokes' in the original version of the poem)

clamped - replacing edgy in the original posting - and edited to 'clammed' in the redraft?? when you presumably meant 'edged' in the original - what does 'clamped' or 'clammed' have to do with 'edged'? None of these words have related meanings.

trods - well, this baffles me as well. It's the past tense of the verb 'tread' so perhaps you meant the noun 'treads' meaning footprints? or perhaps your dictionary is filled with misprints??

H

[Jack of Hearts]

cacian,

Would you consider posting a translation of one of your poems in French?







J

[cacian]

No - that makes even less sense than before:

brush stroked - one assumes you mean 'brush strokes' since the word 'stroked' is not a noun (and you have written 'strokes' in the original version of the poem)

clamped - replacing edgy in the original posting - and edited to 'clammed' in the redraft?? when you presumably meant 'edged' in the original - what does 'clamped' or 'clammed' have to do with 'edged'? None of these words have related meanings.

trods - well, this baffles me as well. It's the past tense of the verb 'tread' so perhaps you meant the noun 'treads' meaning footprints? or perhaps your dictionary is filled with misprints??

H

Hi hillwalker this is the meaning of trods
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trod
and
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/trod+on

By ''brush strokes clamped with trods''meaning the painting strokes are smudged with trampled paint.
In other words the painting is strained hence the next line
the residue is a tainted paste


cacian,

Would you consider posting a translation of one of your poems in French?







J

Hi Jack do you read French?
It has been a long while since I wrote anything in French that is because I wish to practice my English.
The other thing I cannot translate what is written in one language into another because I think differently from one language to the next.
If I were to write in French then it would be entirely in French and nothing else. :p

[hallaig]

Tempted to say that would be better than writing in gibberish. This did nothing for me at all. Even if some of the words individually make more sense than I thought they did- trods for instance- the whole piece comes across as meaningless and showy artifice. Definitely time to drop the gall.

[hillwalker]

Hi hillwalker this is the meaning of trods
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trod
and
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/trod+on
By ''brush strokes clamped with trods''meaning the painting strokes are smudged with trampled paint.
In other words the painting is strained hence the next line
the residue is a tainted paste

So this explanation is supposed to help us make sense of your latest bizarre poem? The painting is 'strained'?? The residue a 'tainted paste'??
What nonsense.

I'm curious to discover how you write these poems since most of the expressions you use don't exist in accepted English. Do you dip into a Thesaurus looking for a new word then decide to stick it in a line because it sounds nice?

'trod' is indeed an archaic term for a path - but no one uses the expression in contemporary speech or writing for that matter
'clamped' means fastened into a vice or frame

So to twist these meanings around so that 'trod' suddenly means 'trampled' because the paint was trodden on is absurd.
And in what context does 'clamped' mean 'smudged'?

I'm sorry, but you would do better reading as much as possible in English to broaden your vocabulary rather than resorting to wiki links to endorse your perverse misuse of the language.

H

[cacian]

So this explanation is supposed to help us make sense of your latest bizarre poem? The painting is 'strained'?? The residue a 'tainted paste'??
What nonsense.

I'm curious to discover how you write these poems since most of the expressions you use don't exist in accepted English. Do you dip into a Thesaurus looking for a new word then decide to stick it in a line because it sounds nice?

'trod' is indeed an archaic term for a path - but no one uses the expression in contemporary speech or writing for that matter
'clamped' means fastened into a vice or frame

So to twist these meanings around so that 'trod' suddenly means 'trampled' because the paint was trodden on is absurd.
And in what context does 'clamped' mean 'smudged'?

I'm sorry, but you would do better reading as much as possible in English to broaden your vocabulary rather than resorting to wiki links to endorse your perverse misuse of the language.

H

Haha 'perverse misuse' this is the first.
I never use wiki links if that makes any sense.
If you have nothing positive to add then please refrain from being intrusive.
Art is what it is and if you do not understand something please have the decency to keep your perverse thoughts to yourself.


Tempted to say that would be better than writing in gibberish. This did nothing for me at all. Even if some of the words individually make more sense than I thought they did- trods for instance- the whole piece comes across as meaningless and showy artifice. Definitely time to drop the gall.

Ouch you can't use that!
It belongs to me intellectual property and all that.

[Alexander III]

So this explanation is supposed to help us make sense of your latest bizarre poem? The painting is 'strained'?? The residue a 'tainted paste'??
What nonsense.

I'm curious to discover how you write these poems since most of the expressions you use don't exist in accepted English. Do you dip into a Thesaurus looking for a new word then decide to stick it in a line because it sounds nice?

'trod' is indeed an archaic term for a path - but no one uses the expression in contemporary speech or writing for that matter
'clamped' means fastened into a vice or frame

So to twist these meanings around so that 'trod' suddenly means 'trampled' because the paint was trodden on is absurd.
And in what context does 'clamped' mean 'smudged'?

I'm sorry, but you would do better reading as much as possible in English to broaden your vocabulary rather than resorting to wiki links to endorse your perverse misuse of the language.

H

I don't want to be a douche, but your reactions to poems seem to be based upon friendship rather than honesty. Otherwise you would be equally cruel to Zoolane or equally gracious to cacian. I do not wish to censor you, I merely ask that you attempt to use a universal scale rather than one based upon how much you "like" a person, because right now your scales are indicating that one elephant weighs 10 tons and another elephant weighs 10 grams. Sure elephants have variance in weight but not to such a ridiculous degree.

I know there is an unwritten rule of you stroke my dcik and I stroke yours, but maybe we leave aside all the dcik stroking and focus on the poetry?
:idea:

[hillwalker]

I don't want to be a douche, but your reactions to poems seem to be based upon friendship rather than honesty.

Absolute bollocks - and if this gets me barred from this site then so be it.


focus on the poetry?
:idea:

I'd love to but this gibberish posturing as poetry isn't poetry.


Art is what it is and if you do not understand something please have the decency to keep your perverse thoughts to yourself.

Art - well, perhaps my definition of Art differs to yours. But I don't believe I'm in a minority of 1 who finds your use of the English language perplexing... especially when your explanations take us into even more outlandish territory.

H

[Volya]

If you have nothing positive to add then please refrain from being intrusive.


Are you unable to accept criticism or something?

EDIT: Oh and as somebody who has previously criticized zoolanes work, I personally think that hers is definitely better than this one...

[DocHeart]

But I don't believe I'm in a minority of 1 who finds your use of the English language perplexing... especially when your explanations take us into even more outlandish territory.

H

But if you've had a small joint, this is great.

DH

[cacian]

Absolute bollocks - and if this gets me barred from this site then so be it.



I'd love to but this gibberish posturing as poetry isn't poetry.



Art - well, perhaps my definition of Art differs to yours. But I don't believe I'm in a minority of 1 who finds your use of the English language perplexing... especially when your explanations take us into even more outlandish territory.

H

Outlandish or not I am not here to please you.
I write sometimes well sometimes not but at at least I write to keep me going.
You ain't standing in my way.
Perplexing? fair enough but then why don't you write something that is not and read it yourself.

[hillwalker]

I'm certainly not standing in your way - that would be like lying down in front of a steamroller.

You are quite at liberty to keep posting on here - as are those of us who choose to comment on the quality of your writing (presumably the reason why you post in a public forum). My less than flattering feedback has always been in response to your writing and your interpretation of what constitutes poetry rather than to you as a person. How could it be otherwise? We have never met.
Anyone who reads more into this thread and starts making personal comments about me and other forum members needs to get their facts straight - or keep their misguided opinions to themselves.

H

[Haunted]

Don't blame it on your English. It's your thinking — or the lack of.

You can keep posting these pretend poems, like you said, no one can stop you. This is an equal opportunity website that doesn't discriminate the literary challenged or illiterates, which is more the case here.

I can only wish that one day this crap will disappear off the face of the cyber earth like a garbage truck going off a cliff. As the saying goes, it's not worth the paper its printed on. Posting stuff like this is an insult to our collective intelligence.

[Scheherazade]

~

W a r n i n g

Please do not personalise your arguments.

If you do not find certain works worthy of your time and effort,
please feel free to ignore them.

More importantly, unless you are willing to receive and accept negative criticism,
along with the positive ones,
please refrain from sharing your work in a public Forum.

~

[Alexander III]

Don't blame it on your English. It's your thinking — or the lack of.

You can keep posting these pretend poems, like you said, no one can stop you. This is an equal opportunity website that doesn't discriminate the literary challenged or illiterates, which is more the case here.

I can only wish that one day this crap will disappear off the face of the cyber earth like a garbage truck going off a cliff. As the saying goes, it's not worth the paper its printed on. Posting stuff like this is an insult to our collective intelligence.

Online amateur poetry is super serious stuff