Villanelle of the Whippoorwill

[Jassy Melson]

Come, child, to open windowsill,
sun has sank, shaded dusk is here,
weep no more cries the whippoorwill.

Vermeil valley, honey-hued hill,
silver-horned moon and stars appear,
come, child, to open windowsill.

Births and burials, good and ill,
beauty to ashes, womb to bier,
weep no more cries the whippoorwill.

Yellow fireflies flicker and mill,
katydids call, crackling, austere,
come, child, to open windowsill.

Although, to live, we all must kill,
nothng lasts, all must disappear,
weep no more cries the whippoorwill.

You will receive what you instill,
so take heart, little one, take cheer.
Come, child, to open windowsill.
Weep no more cries the whippoorwill.

[Jack of Hearts]

It's a bit archaic. It's in a poetic form. Two things this reader doesn't like. But really, this isn't bad at all. Aside from the acrimony that plagues you (parfois warranted) your art seems to be on the upswing. This reader has been reading your stuff for almost two years. You're showing your best now.






J

[Jassy Melson]

Thank you.

[Lykren]

Having tried to write a villanelle before, I congratulate you on your ability to make the form sing and flow.

Other: I liked the phrase 'silver-horned moon'.
It did seem a little archaic at times, almost falsely reassuring.

[Jassy Melson]

Thank you

[Pensive]

I like the rhyme and rhythm of this piece! The title is also is very captivating.

[Hawkman]

The past participle of sink is sunk. Conjugate the verb. The past tense of sink - sank; so you can say, 'the sun sank', but if you put has in there then it should be, 'has sunk.'

The "to open windowsill" makes no sense syntactically. A windowsill can't be open or opened. I guess it might be exposed... A window can be open. As this is one of the building blocks of the poem I'm afraid it doesn't really work for me.

[Jassy Melson]

I like the rhyme and rhythm of this piece! The title is also is very captivating.
Thank you.