out to see

[cacian]

From the corner of his right eye Sid could see and hear the flapping of the wind against the half opened window. The curtain caught in between was waving shapes in dismay as if in disregard to the weather.
This reminded him of sunny winter days by the sea where he often went for long strolls along the beaches of St Marino.
He liked spending time walking barefoot along the seashores enjoying the freshness of the waves and sand against his skin .
He also often paused with his pocket camera in one hand, to try and catch glimpses of the wind splashing against the waves through his lens.
The pictures he often caught were of roaring fire illuminating lights surging from the depthness of the sea.
The reflection of the images gave out a shapely figure resembling that of a human , vigorous and swole, and about to take off towards the heights.
He could still feel the salty water running down his hair and cooling his face as he stood by the edge of the sea contemplating the day as it mused with nature.
The droplets of sea water had a calming effect on him like a gentle touch reassuring and invigorating at the same time.
As he stood gazing at the sun and sea he wondered what it would be like to stroke the colours heaving in the horizon against the ever changing skies.
He liked the feeling of openess and fresh air and when men and sea got on well with each other.

[hillwalker]

A simple moment captured in time; quite well-observed and with a few original touches.

A couple of points you might like to consider:

From the corner of his right eye Sid could see and hear from the corner of his eye? I doubt it the flapping of the wind against the half opened window.

The pictures he often caught were of roaring fire illuminating lights surging from the depthness no such word - did you mean depth? or more probably depths? of the sea.

The reflection of the images gave out a shapely figure resembling that of a human , vigorous and swole again no such word - I think you mean 'swollen', and about to take off towards the heights.

I particularly liked the idea behind the last line.

H

[Delta40]

It was short and written in a 'things to do list' format. I don't know why you allocate one sentence per line. I would enjoy it more if you didn't. Your story would read better...

[cacian]

A simple moment captured in time; quite well-observed and with a few original touches.

A couple of points you might like to consider:

From the corner of his right eye Sid could see and hear from the corner of his eye? I doubt it the flapping of the wind against the half opened window.

The pictures he often caught were of roaring fire illuminating lights surging from the depthness no such word - did you mean depth? or more probably depths? of the sea.

The reflection of the images gave out a shapely figure resembling that of a human , vigorous and swole again no such word - I think you mean 'swollen', and about to take off towards the heights.

I particularly liked the idea behind the last line.

H

hillwalker I thank you very much for reading and feedback.
With the first paragrpah first line I wanted to say that he could see and hear at the same time but it obviously did not work haha.

About depthness I looked it up and here is the link
http://www.wordnik.com/words/depthness
I think one may get away with it. I don't know.

Swole is also a word and it means

swole. The state of being very muscular and/or buff and in good shape. ...

[cacian]

It was short and written in a 'things to do list' format. I don't know why you allocate one sentence per line. I would enjoy it more if you didn't. Your story would read better...

Hi Delta thank you for reading and feedback.
The reason I separated the story into paragraphs is to indicate timeshift or lapses of different times.

The first paragraph to show that he was 'at home' listening or describing the wind. That could be the present time.
The second paragraph shows that he was back in one memory mode where he reminisced about of his time at the beach.
The third paragraph takes one more step back in time when he rememberd the pictures he took and proceeds to describing them.
The fourth and last paragraph takes you back to the beginning almost where he makes a statement about nature and men/mankind.

But of course it is dependable on who reads it and how and so yes the other possibility is to leave no gaps between paragraphs.

[Delta40]

They are not paragraphs.
They are one sentence per line.
This isn't how a writer sets out their work.

I have just typed four sentences.
Now I have typed five.
I'm on my sixth and there is a space after the third but it is still a list format.

[hillwalker]

'swole' is a slang or idiomatic term - like 'wicked' (meaning good) or 'bling' (meaning jewellery).

It might work if you were writing dialogue involving teenagers - but in a piece of prose like this it just doesn't fit.

And as for your paragraphs - I understand why you slpit this up, but if every paragraph consists of just one sentence the piece won't flow as it should. It's like reading a list of bullet points.

H

[cacian]

Thank you both very much again.:)

hillwalker I see what you mean about the word 'swole' now.
I guess may be a different word but not 'swollen' as it s not the word I want.

Delta I have now compressed it into one paragrah for better reading.
It does come across as a list of 'bullet points' which is not the purpose of this piece.

[Delta40]

I'm glad you see that so don't hit enter after the fullstop.
I can't imagine how thick a book would be if an author had to write in this format.


Thousands upon thousands of pages.
So heavy, one couldn't pick it up.
Thank goodness for kindle :D

[cacian]

I'm glad you see that so don't hit enter after the fullstop.
I can't imagine how thick a book would be if an author had to write in this format.


Thousands upon thousands of pages.
So heavy, one couldn't pick it up.
Thank goodness for kindle :D


Ay I have to admit regardless of its weight there is nothing like feeling of paper or texture of something I am reading. I love the flicking of pages as I equivocally and excitedly proceed to turn to the next page and so on and so forth.
I also enjoy 'to hold and to read' and when I finish I take pleasure in keeping my book pager inside as a reminder.
There is something quite 'sexy' about going to the bookshops and browsing amongst the thousands of books.
I like to see with my eyes but I also like to read with senses.
It is something quite unique.:)