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Jassy Melson
08-26-2012, 04:57 PM
I can't count the number of times that someone has either said to me or written to me: “I want to be a writer. I'm trying to write a story. Please help me.”

I've decided to write this little treatise in hopes that it will help the beginning writer (and reduce the number of pleas I receive from would-be beginning writers).

First of all, if you want to be a writer, or you're starting your first story, the dictionary is your best friend. Also, find a good book on basic grammar.

Secondly, have something to say in your story; something that you think would be of interest to the reader.

Next, decide who your audience is. Decide who you are writing to or for. You don't want to direct your erotic story to a national Geographic-type readership.

Next, follow the classic format of a beginning or introduction, a middle or body, and a conclusion. Don't have your story go all over the place and not have a satisfactory conclusion. Impose order on your story.

Show, don't tell. This is an old warning, but it's still true. Whenever possible, instead of just telling the reader what is happening in the story, show him or her what is happening. For instance, in the description of a character, don't halt the story to simply describe a character. There are a number of ways to do this. You can do it by the impression a character makes on another character; you can do it by a character observing him or herself in a mirror. Include the description as part of the story; don't halt the story as you describe a character. Try to express or show instead of merely relating.

Use language that is appropriate for the time of the story. If the story takes place in the present time, use language that is modern and ordinary. Don't use stilted language. When dialogue is used, have the characters talk in ordinary everyday language—unless the story takes place in another time.

If possible, have a proofreader read your story before posting or submitting it. Run your story through a spell-and/or-grammar-checker.

Don't expect to receive overwhelming praise or utter condemnation for your story when you post or submit it. There are hundreds of thousands of writers and millions of short stories that have been written. If you are a beginning writer, chances are your story will not be all that good. But the committed writer will go on from his or her failures and will continue to write and learn. William Faulkner's fourth novel “The Sound and the Fury” was turned down by something like a dozen publishers before it was published. But he preservered, because he believed in himself, and he believed that he had something to say and write that was of value.

Read! Read as many stories and poems and non-fiction and novels as you can. As you read, mark down what you see as a good thing to do or is a good effect; at the same time mark down what you see is bad and something to avoid in your writing.

I hope this little article will help the beginning writer. It took me about twenty years to write a satisfactory story—one that I felt was worthy enough to be submitted and published. So keep writing, keep reading, and keep in mind that patience and observation are two of the best qualities a writer can have.

Charles Darnay
08-26-2012, 06:51 PM
Oh, obvious treatises - I love these!

A TREATISE ON SANDWICH MAKING

1. Begin with the bread: if you are going to try to pile ingredients on without a surface, you will cause a mess and maybe lose a few pieces of lettuce.

2. Both pieces of bread should be approximately the same size. If however, you are unable to accomplish this, place the smaller piece on top.

3. Cut any vegetables that you use in your sandwich: inserting an entire tomato is cumbersome.

4. If you are using mayonnaise or similar products, spread them on the bread before constructing the sandwich. This avoids the drippy mess caused when you pour it on at the end.

5. When consuming a sandwich, it is best to do it by hand. If need be, cut the bread in half on the diagonal, but eating with a fork and knife will minimize the enjoyment of the sandwich.

Mutatis-Mutandis
08-26-2012, 08:42 PM
Oh! Fun game indeed!

Basic advice for using the toilet:

1. Make sure you have to use a toilet before attempting use.
2. Find a toilet.
3. Ponder the correct position one should assume for the type of bodily function that will shortly commence.
4. Commence evacuation.
5. If need be, clean with available roll of fragile paper.
6. Depending on the violence of the evacuation, clean any residue that may have accumulated in or around the toilet.
7. Flush.
8. Wash hands because there is probably poo or pee on them.

Delta40
08-26-2012, 09:06 PM
I really disagree with using the best intended thread to post disabled crap :ciappa::ciappa::ciappa::ciappa::ciappa::ciappa::c iappa::ciappa:

Mutatis-Mutandis
08-26-2012, 10:25 PM
"Disabled crap"?

Delta40
08-26-2012, 10:46 PM
Crap that is defective. C'mon! You a bit thin skinned when it comes to a sense of humour :out:

Charles Darnay
08-26-2012, 11:07 PM
Follow Mutatis' advice and disabled crap shouldn't be a problem.

Delta40
08-26-2012, 11:28 PM
Follow Mutatis' advice and disabled crap shouldn't be a problem.

:iamwithstupid:
A Mutatis Crap Sandwich is just what we need :lol::lol:

hillwalker
08-27-2012, 08:13 AM
I really disagree with using the best intended thread to post disabled crap

Mhmm - I also disagree with a thread that's rather patronising to most of us. This is a Literary forum so presumably we all have the basic tools to hand.

Even the title isn't that well written. What's a 'Beginning Writer'? 'Aspiring Writer' might make more sense.

A dictionary and a book on how to write - not much use to any writer if he/she has the imagination of a housebrick. It's like suggesting someone who wants to learn to drive gets a copy of the Highway Code and a Maintenance Manual.
No need for a car because it's quite easy - follow this set of rules and you can't go wrong.

If you want to learn to write - then get a pen and paper and write. It's quite simple, see.

There was a Monty Python sketch I seem to recall about 'The Ministry of Stating the Bleeding Obvious'. :lol: This post reminded me of that.

H

Jassy Melson
08-27-2012, 08:54 AM
Weeelll excuse me! You people who try to be cute are just too much. Yes, there is such a thing as a beginning writer. It's someone who is beginning to write. Get it. Duh. And some want help. The article I wrote was for the beginning writer, not for you self-styled geniuses who think you know everything about writing.

hillwalker
08-27-2012, 09:39 AM
I guess that's me told - by someone who obviously does know everything about writing.

H

Charles Darnay
08-27-2012, 09:58 AM
Weeelll excuse me! You people who try to be cute are just too much. Yes, there is such a thing as a beginning writer. It's someone who is beginning to write. Get it. Duh. And some want help. The article I wrote was for the beginning writer, not for you self-styled geniuses who think you know everything about writing.

With the exception of your buried point "write to tell a story" - which is a point everyone needs reminding of now and then as we disappear into our own world - your obvious points are not so much for the beginning writer but for someone who has never read a book, or written a paragraph and suddenly decides he/she wants to.

I remember very well when I starting writing: a pretentious vocabulary and fretting over every misplaced semicolon will not help you get into writing. I think if anything, it will turn you away from an art before you develop a passion for it. As for the other generic points, they sound like the worksheet I gave to my students on how to write a basic paragraph.

If you want to give advice to aspiring writers - something which I (despite my "self-styled genius") would never do - why not talk about how to generate ideas, the importance of a character, the necessity to have your own style &c.?

No one remembers Hemingway because he used a dictionary and grammar book.

Jack of Hearts
08-27-2012, 01:41 PM
This is pretty sad, man. As though you've got fan-mail pouring in, demanding to know your process. Unasked for advice by unqualified help.

This poster may not know much about writing, but he knows he's done quite a bit of it now, and is familiar with the actual activity in a pre-verbal, animal way-- first hand experience, in other words. And it's never felt like what you say, or what any of these middling, pathetic, sad articles say ("Have a plot, know what you write about, etc").

Who gets bored enough to write this mastubatory ****? For years Jack of Hearts has been saying that "show, don't tell" doesn't actually mean anything, at least not prima facie.

No one ever helped anyone. No one makes the plant grow, we just try to amelioriate the soil around the seed, and that's all we can do-- mostly through empathetic readership, not '10 easy steps for beginning writers.'

This entire post ought to be condemned. It hurts the world and the eyesight.







J

Jassy Melson
08-27-2012, 02:28 PM
So now it has been suggested that my post be condemned. I didn't write the initial article for experienced writers. I wrote it for beginning writers who need and want help. For some reason, some posters seemed to be personally insulted by the fact that I would dare to write an article offering tips to beginning writers.

Jack of Hearts
08-27-2012, 02:38 PM
So now it has been suggested that my post be condemned. I didn't write the initial article for experienced writers. I wrote it for beginning writers who need and want help. For some reason, some posters seemed to be personally insulted by the fact that I would dare to write an article offering tips to beginning writers.

It was an act of love. In his better moments, before he replies to a thread Jack of Hearts sometimes has the foresight to ask himself: "What does this person most need in a response right now? What would help them most?" And the answer this time, in this reader's estimation, was a rendez-vous with reality.

There are plenty of hands around here ready to lay the slap down. Jack of Hearts extends his hand up, good sir, that you might have support getting to where you want to be.








J

hillwalker
08-27-2012, 03:33 PM
Jassy,

2 things spring to mind:

If you're so keen to spread your advice where it's really needed, where are your supportive critiques for those 'beginning writers' who post their first pieces on here? Surely that's a more effective way to share your experience,

and secondly,

taking advice on how to write from the guy who posted 'How I Write A Story' (which made writing seem as tedious as ironing) and 'The Happy Demise of Hidy the Clown (Parts 1 and 2)' is rather like choosing to take Method Acting lessons from Sylvester Stallone.

If you don't like what the rest of us have to say, too bad. You're the one who set himself up as an authority on writing. We're just giving an opinion.

H

Jack of Hearts
08-27-2012, 03:41 PM
is rather like choosing to take Method Acting lessons from Sylvester Stallone.


Careful there, Frenchie. That's a national hero you're talking about.









J

AuntShecky
08-27-2012, 03:52 PM
.

If you want to learn to write - then get a pen and paper and write. It's quite simple, see.


H

But before you do that, you first have to read!

hillwalker
08-27-2012, 04:21 PM
That's a little obvious too, if you don't mind my saying. :yawnb:

H

Scheherazade
08-27-2012, 04:46 PM
And again...

If you find a post or contribution disagreeable,

please feel free to ignore it.

If you post your work or views on a public Forum,

please be prepared to receive negative -as well as positive- criticism.

This thread will now be closed.