If I Could Buy a Spring Back

[maleonpyg]

If thinking about you would stop my clock from ticking,
then I'd forget about the falling petals in late summer.

If autumn's breath is ready to sweep away those yellow faded leaves,
then I'm willing to be blown away with them to a far-off place.

If I could buy a spring back in snowflake-flying winter,
then I wouldn't have pined away like a lost traveler.

[Jack of Hearts]

Short and sweet. Nice one male.





J

[Hawkman]

The biggest problem with this poem is in the title and the penultimate line. "Buy a spring back" It conjours a trip to the hardware store. "a spring" turns the subject into an object. Dispense with the indefinite article. I'd also query "buy". "Bring" would work or "recall". I'd also query the tense change. "have pined" is is past tense and the rest of the poem is present tense.

"If I could bring back spring in snowflake-flying winter,
then I wouldn't pine away like a lost traveler."


Live and be well - H

[hillwalker]

I can see how the expression 'a spring' might cause confusion, but since the previous 2 verses refer to summer and autumn then it's probably going to be clear enough to most readers what the poem is actually about.

It's another poignant piece filled with regret for things we can't change.

H