The Residue

[aliengirl]

The Residue

There is no hope, no refuge
when the core has collapsed;
the fiends lurch at every inch of flesh,
snapping, growling, biting,
tearing off bit by bit,
second after second.
Life seeps away...
drip drop, drip drop,
distilling sanity,
evaporating sense.
The residue is anything
but human.

[cacian]

Very intriguing and deep alien thank you for such an insightful view.
I tend to believe sanity is much more and can lead to better endings if we only let it

[PrinceMyshkin]

Bleak, bleak poem, but handled with restraint and decorum.

I do think, however, that the last line needs to be more vivid, less literal.

[The Truth]

Loved the poem and I and definitely do a good job of handling just how bleak it is.

Agree with thoughts on the last line too, keep the insanity but add some more incoherent thoughts or words to it. If you want to, of course. :)

[Jack of Hearts]

There's something especially violent about the first part of this poem. This reader will third the sentiment about the last line, but really the economy of it helped it along nicely.








J

[maleonpyg]

Like others said,
it's bleak and miserable!
I hope it doesn't describe your real life.

[Delta40]

I would drop ...is anything but human but keep the reference to 'the residue' and add something vivid to its description. Good, dark poem AG.

[Hawkman]

Hi Ripley, I just want to put a white pebble in the ballot for the last line. This is essentially a short, visceral poem. There is plenty of imagery for the reader to get a tooth into but to conclude with an ellipticism would deminish the impact for me. The word choices are good, especially 'residue'; "anything but human" works for me.

Live and be well - H

[aliengirl]

Very intriguing and deep alien thank you for such an insighteful view.
I tend to believe sanity is much more and can lead to better endings if we only let it

I'm grateful for your review cacian. :) Did you say insightful? I've been through a very dark period recently and that one glimpse has been enough to reveal what lies deep down in the abyss. But as you say sanity is a stronger force, it helps us maintain our balance and keeps us falling off the edge.


@ Prince - Thank you my dear. :)

@ Truth, JoH, maleonpyg,& Delta - Thank you all very much. I'll consider giving a different ending to the poem but as Hawk remarked it was a visceral poem. Written on a sudden impulse. I've seen people being broken and mutilated; yet they go on living. I wonder is there anything human left inside them.

@ Hawk - Thanks for voting for the last line. It must have been feeling like a damsel in distress and being a true knight you came to the rescue. :p

[Bar22do]

Belated thanks for this poem, ag, so desolate and so well handled.

[aliengirl]

Thanks for gracing this thread Bar. :) I hope its desolation didn't make you sad.

[MystyrMystyry]

I thought it was fun. Last line or no hardly matters, just depends on what the final impact you want it to be. It works both ways.

[aliengirl]

Glad you took it in lighter spirit MM. And the last line thanks you for leaving it untouched. :p