A Woman Came to Me Today

[Jassy Melson]

Asking:
Why have you not loved me
all these lonely years?
You knew that I was searching
but not a move toward me was made.
Why do you just sit there
in your hermit pose—alone--
when you could be near someone,
someone who remembers what it was to care.
Speak! You bleached bag of bones,
tell me of the Holy Land,
tell me how to save my soul,
teach me how to sing the song,
how to listen to the piper
in the dawn's new dew,
show me the ocean shore,
show me the path to paradise.

And I answer:
I have done nothing but love you
all these lonely years.
You knew that I was searching
but not a move toward me was made.
Why do you wander so
in your time spent here—alone--
when you could be touching someone,
someone who remembers how it used to be.
Speak! You black widow spider,
tell me of the web you weave
there in your grotto,
in your garden of sweet agony,
teach me how to see through a thousand eyes,
how to play the pipes
on the wild and windy hill,
show me your priceless pearl,
show me the door into eternity.

Woman:
I just don't know,
but it's worth all the pain
in the world to try.
So here I stand
with my sweaty hands,
trying to catch your gaze
and wondering
what I would say
if you ever chose to hear.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I was captivated by the energy and imagination of the first two verses but I felt you ran out of steam in the third. It was more like an act of tucking the baby into bed than it was a statement of anything new to the poem.

[Jassy Melson]

I didn't run out of steam; I simply added a conclusion that fits the poem.

[hillwalker]

A perfectly executed poem. Well done.

H

[Jassy Melson]

Thank you

[Buh4Bee]

I don't feel qualified to tell you whether or not this is a wonderful poem. I will tell you that I very much enjoyed it. The ending clarifies their differences and seeming inability to connect in a straight forward way. I think at all stages, we suffer this with our partners.

[Jack of Hearts]

This was a good one. This reader thinks if you edit/polish/trim it, it could be amazing.









J

[Jassy Melson]

It probably does need some polishing

[E.A Rumfield]

I like it for the idea. Two people who wanted each other but were afraid to make an attempt. Though there was something missing to it, I didn't feel moved by the words but I understood the message.

[miyako73]

"Why do you just sit there
in your hermit pose—alone--
when you could be near someone,
someone who remembers what it was to care."

Isn't it an interrogative sentence?

[Jassy Melson]

It's not a hard and fast rule in grammar that an interrogrative sentence have a question mark. Some interrogrative sentences are better off with a period than a question mark.

[miyako73]

What.

[hillwalker]

What.

Love it. Is this a new rule that we haven't come across yet.
It's certainly easier not having to use those damn ?s.

H

[Jassy Melson]

Sometimes a sentence can be both declarative and interrogative. All questions do not need a question mark.

[miyako73]

Okay I'll waste my time for you. Just for you.

"Going out today?" is not a declarative sentence turned into interrogative. That is a shortened form of "Are you going out today?". You can never, I mean never, turn an interrogative sentence into a declarative sentence by just using a period. All declarative sentences end with a period. All interrogative sentences end with a question mark. Period.

[miyako73]

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh!


Maybe you thought "Santa Clause is coming to town?" is a formal sentence. It is used in a conversation or dialogue, but the speaker is either a toddler who still believes in Santa or an immigrant whose second language is telegraphic English. I give you that. Adults say, "he is coming?" But again those are adults too lazy to be grammatical and too unskilled to be poetic. Again, they are informal sentences for conversation or dialogue not for your poetic masterpiece.

[Bar22do]

A very nice idea, Mason, what touches here is the feeling of weariness in the partners.
I add my voice to those in favour of a bit of trimming.
I enjoyed reading this, thanks a lot.

[hillwalker]

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh!


Maybe you thought "Santa Clause is coming to town?" is a formal sentence. It is used in a conversation or dialogue, but the speaker is either a toddler who still believes in Santa or an immigrant whose second language is telegraphic English. I give you that. Adults say, "he is coming?" But again those are adults too lazy to be grammatical and too unskilled to be poetic. Again, they are informal sentences for conversation or dialogue not for your poetic masterpiece.

Regardless of formality or informality
- if the sentence 'He is coming' is a declarative statement informing us of his arrival then it ends with a full-stop or period.
- if the sentence 'He is coming?' is an interrogative statement asking whether 'he' is 'coming' or not then it needs a ? at the end of it.

So yes - of course the same sentence can end with a period or question mark depending on what it is trying to convey. But for the record - ALL questions have to end with a ?

H

[Jassy Melson]

repeat of post

[Jassy Melson]

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh!


Maybe you thought "Santa Clause is coming to town?" is a formal sentence. It is used in a conversation or dialogue, but the speaker is either a toddler who still believes in Santa or an immigrant whose second language is telegraphic English. I give you that. Adults say, "he is coming?" But again those are adults too lazy to be grammatical and too unskilled to be poetic. Again, they are informal sentences for conversation or dialogue not for your poetic masterpiece.

thanks for the snide remark

[Jassy Melson]

Okay I'll waste my time for you. Just for you.

"Going out today?" is not a declarative sentence turned into interrogative. That is a shortened form of "Are you going out today?". You can never, I mean never, turn an interrogative sentence into a declarative sentence by just using a period. All declarative sentences end with a period. All interrogative sentences end with a question mark. Period.

No, they don't.

[hillwalker]

Just to draw a line under this tedious exchange:

Perhaps you're confusing direct questions with indirect questions?

'I asked my father whether I could have the keys to the car.' is an indirect question which ends in a period because it's obviously a declarative statement rather than a question.

'Dad, can I have the keys to the car?' is a direct question (and an interrogative statement) which requires a question mark.

The line in your poem is a direct question (or interrogative statement) and needs a question mark. It's not a case of some sentences being 'better off' without question marks. It's a basic grammatical requirement.

Not many experienced readers/writers will confuse indirect questions (which are actually statements) with direct questions (which are questions) but I'm assuming you have, and that's why you're choosing to be so contrary.

H

[Jassy Melson]

The sentence is a declarative sentece, all right? That should clear up everything. I'm not asking an obvious question in the sentence.

[miyako73]

No, it doesn't clear up everything. Be consistent. You started your poem by asking.

"Why have you not loved me
all these lonely years?"

I'm done with this. You're being childish. You want to make your own grammatical rules.

[Jassy Melson]

Many writers have made up thier own rules. They were called worse than childish. The sentence is obviousely declarative and needs only a period, not a question mark.

[hillwalker]

Many writers have made up thier own rules. They were called worse than childish. The sentence is obviousely declarative and needs only a period, not a question mark.

And you're obviously unable to accept you might be wrong.
Ok - I'll rephrase that. We all know you're wrong but on your planet you're always right.
It must be such a nice place to live.

And btw - my comment regarding your poem was intended as sarcasm but you're too duimb to even notice that.
Prince gave a perfectly legitimate response to your poem but you can't even accept someone else's opinion.
How great it must be to always be right.

H

[zoolane]

Many writers have made up thier own rules. They were called worse than childish. The sentence is obviousely declarative and needs only a period, not a question mark.

I like poem in remind me on one or more occasion of chat I had with my partner.

And If anyone made up own rules when to English language or grammar on this site then I get prize.

[Delta40]

And If anyone made up own rules when to English language or grammar on this site then I get prize.

:biggrinjester: I'd vote for you Zoo!

[Silas Thorne]

I also think that you had a good start here but it fizzled a little at the end. Good use of repetition and I like the way each character uses metaphor in describing the other person.

Regarding that point of criticism:
That you are asking for a response after both 'Why' questions here means that they ARE questions. 'Why have you not loved me all these lonely years?' has a question mark at the end, so why not the others?

Silas

[Mutatis-Mutandis]

So, what are some interrogative sentences that don't end with question marks? I'm dying to know.

[qimissung]

R e m i n d e r

Please refrain from posting in this section of the Forum

if you feel you are unable to show respect towards those who do not share your thoughts and beliefs.

Posts containing personal and/or inflammatory comments will be removed without further warning.

[Jassy Melson]

I simply think it's a declarative sentence. Therefore, I used a period rather than a question mark

[hillwalker]

Trust me,

'Why do you wander so
in your time spent here......?'

is a question - you're asking her why she wanders...

A declarative statement would be

'Why you wander so
in your time spent here......'

because you're trying to tell us the reason why she wanders.

H

[Mutatis-Mutandis]

I simply think it's a declarative sentence. Therefore, I used a period rather than a question mark
So, you have no examples of interrogative sentences without questions marks, then. I.e., you're wrong.

[Jassy Melson]

I repeat, I simply think it's a declarative sentence, therefore I used a period rather than a question mark. As far as I'm concerned this discussion is over.

[hillwalker]

This from a guy who gives advice on here about how to write. Laughably deluded.

There never was a discussion.

H

[Jassy Melson]

har har har blab blab blab