Biggus
08-23-2012, 08:08 AM
CALL CENTER MODE AGAIN
One day Bimbette was having trouble
With her computer,
So she decided to try the call center
At a time that would suit her
"Hello how can I help you?"
The tech support guy asks
She replied, “I can’t get my computer
To do even the simplest tasks"
“Ok” said the tech support guy
“What's on your monitor now, miss?
“An elephant my boyfriend bought me
And a kangaroo called Kriss”
DRUNK DRIVING
He was driving home,
**** faced drunk
Pissed as a cricket
Drunk as a skunk
Suddenly he swerved
To avoid a tree,
Then another, then another.
Then another tree
The police stopped him
For driving erratically
“Having a little trouble”?
The cop asked sarcastically
The drunk told the cop
About the trees everywhere
The cop just pointed
To the air freshener hanging there
LAZARUS PILL # 2
I have pills to slow me down
And more to perk me up
I have one that helps me sleep
And one that helps me tup
THREE CHILDREN SLIDING ON THE ICE
Three children sliding on the ice
Fell on their bottoms once or twice
Three children sliding on the ice
How they enjoyed the slippery device
Until based on health and safety advice
The caretaker ruined it in a trice
WHEN THE CHILDREN WERE YOUNG
When the children were young
They just gave me a headache
Now that they’re older
They are more of a heartache
GIVE A MAN A FISH
Give a man a fish
And you’ll feed him for a day
Teach him to use the Net
And he’ll order a takeaway
BLONDE NITWIT
A traffic cop saw Bimbette knitting while driving
And couldn’t believe his eyes at all
He angrily shouted at her “Pull over, pull over”
She shouted back “no, it’s a shawl”
INCONSIDERATE NEIGHBOURS
At 3am there was a knock at the door
It was my neighbour, the cheeky little strumpet
3 o’clock in the morning, can you believe that?
Having the door knocked by some bit of crumpet
All I can say is that it was lucky for the little madam
I was still up playing my trumpet
MATRIMONIAL BEQUEST
He called out to his wife
As he sat watching TV
"When I die I’m going to leave
Everything to you sweety!"
She shouted back,
"You already do, you lazy B"
ALPINE QUERY
“Dad, Dad where are the Alps”?
“I’m sorry son I cannot say
Ask your mother she’s the one
Who tidies all the stuff away”?
SCRATCH GOLFER
I am a scratch golfer
And what that means my lad
Is I write down all my good scores
And scratch out the bad
One day Bimbette was having trouble
With her computer,
So she decided to try the call center
At a time that would suit her
"Hello how can I help you?"
The tech support guy asks
She replied, “I can’t get my computer
To do even the simplest tasks"
“Ok” said the tech support guy
“What's on your monitor now, miss?
“An elephant my boyfriend bought me
And a kangaroo called Kriss”
DRUNK DRIVING
He was driving home,
**** faced drunk
Pissed as a cricket
Drunk as a skunk
Suddenly he swerved
To avoid a tree,
Then another, then another.
Then another tree
The police stopped him
For driving erratically
“Having a little trouble”?
The cop asked sarcastically
The drunk told the cop
About the trees everywhere
The cop just pointed
To the air freshener hanging there
LAZARUS PILL # 2
I have pills to slow me down
And more to perk me up
I have one that helps me sleep
And one that helps me tup
THREE CHILDREN SLIDING ON THE ICE
Three children sliding on the ice
Fell on their bottoms once or twice
Three children sliding on the ice
How they enjoyed the slippery device
Until based on health and safety advice
The caretaker ruined it in a trice
WHEN THE CHILDREN WERE YOUNG
When the children were young
They just gave me a headache
Now that they’re older
They are more of a heartache
GIVE A MAN A FISH
Give a man a fish
And you’ll feed him for a day
Teach him to use the Net
And he’ll order a takeaway
BLONDE NITWIT
A traffic cop saw Bimbette knitting while driving
And couldn’t believe his eyes at all
He angrily shouted at her “Pull over, pull over”
She shouted back “no, it’s a shawl”
INCONSIDERATE NEIGHBOURS
At 3am there was a knock at the door
It was my neighbour, the cheeky little strumpet
3 o’clock in the morning, can you believe that?
Having the door knocked by some bit of crumpet
All I can say is that it was lucky for the little madam
I was still up playing my trumpet
MATRIMONIAL BEQUEST
He called out to his wife
As he sat watching TV
"When I die I’m going to leave
Everything to you sweety!"
She shouted back,
"You already do, you lazy B"
ALPINE QUERY
“Dad, Dad where are the Alps”?
“I’m sorry son I cannot say
Ask your mother she’s the one
Who tidies all the stuff away”?
SCRATCH GOLFER
I am a scratch golfer
And what that means my lad
Is I write down all my good scores
And scratch out the bad