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View Full Version : A Humourous Selection # 21



Biggus
08-21-2012, 04:03 AM
LAZARUS PILL # 1

There is a pill that I have to take
For recreation the doctor said
It’s a very special little blue pill
And I use it to raise up the dead

KILLER PILL

I was given from the dispensary
After my surgery
By a doctor so proficient
A tablet so efficient
That it dislocates your brain
So you really feel no pain

PILL POPPER # 1

Red and yellow and
Pink and Green
Purple and orange and blue

I take pills akimbo
Pills akimbo
I take quite a few

MY HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE

As I stood on my drive
I saw cracking little lass
Bend over on the footpath
Showing me her ***

My high blood pressure
Went up even more
Then my pacemaker
Opened the garage door

FEEL YOUR AGE

You know I still feel
"Young at heart"
But considerably older
In every other part

JUST A DASH

Pour me a Scotch Whisky
With only two drops of water
Please can you do that for me?
My dearest daughter
For at my age I can hold my liquor
But I can’t hold my water

ADOPT A WILD CAT

They want me to adopt a wild cat
Which is quite absurd
Where on earth am I going to keep
A fully-grown Leopard?

HE CAME IN THE NIGHT

He came in the night
The consummate thief
The taker of souls
Stealer of the cherished
Inhabitor of shadows
Blackness draping him
Like the night itself
The grim reaper
The snuffer of candles
The snatcher of life
The author of my grief

DEATH CAME AS NO SURPRISE

Death came as no surprise
So I cannot understand why
I am full to over flowing
With tears I cannot cry

A LIFESAVING TOOL

She bought a lifesaving tool for her car
Which for her was quite astute
It’s designed to cut through your seat belt
In the event of it trapping you on route
Particularly in the aftermath of a Crash
Unfortunately Bimbette keeps hers in the boot