The Stranger

[aliengirl]

~The Stranger~

Two kohl-lined eyes reflect
a pair of curious green ones
seeking answers.
None beam back.
Instead, he takes a henna tube
and in bold swift strokes,
marks my palm, his countenance
so calm it’s almost indifferent as a god’s.
With a smile he walks away,
leaving only his footprints
in soft, grey sands.

Now, I sit alone in my bed
by flickering candle light,
the herbal aroma leading my eyes
to the glowing crimson in my hand.

[Jeos]

first stance: fine poetry!

second stance: less fine...

[Delta40]

I really like the mystery of it, although footprints in the sand remind me too much of Footprints in the Sand! Perhaps in S2 you could you write

Now I sit by flickering candle light

Nice writing AG and good use of the senses.

[MystyrMystyry]

Interesting Alien Girl. You've piqued my curiosity, and now I must research Henna Handpainting, which I'll be onto directly.

[aliengirl]

first stance: fine poetry!

second stance: less fine...

Thank you for reading Jeos. I'd like to know your final stance.

[aliengirl]

I really like the mystery of it, although footprints in the sand remind me too much of Footprints in the Sand! Perhaps in S2 you could you write

Now I sit by flickering candle light

Nice writing AG and good use of the senses.

Thanks a lot Delta. :) I'll think about your suggestion.

[aliengirl]

Interesting Alien Girl. You've piqued my curiosity, and now I must research Henna Handpainting, which I'll be onto directly.

Yeah, applying henna is a very popular art here. It has very interesting cultural significance and 'henna ceremony' before a wedding is great fun. Hope you find whatever you're looking for but in the other case I'm here.

Thanks for reading MM. :)

[PrinceMyshkin]

I love the enigmatic quality of the henna markings that turn into love. I thought there was a quiet, unflashy quality to this throughout.

[aliengirl]

You've hit the spot Prince. Quite often girls draw (or have it painted) such intricate patterns that the name of their lover is hidden in it, like in Arabic calligraphy where a flower is actually a sentence.

Thank you for gracing the thread. :)

[Jeos]

Thank you for reading Jeos. I'd like to know your final stance.


Well dear comrade poet by reading some (not all I confess) of my stances you'll find how to improve your stance...

[Maximilianus]

A stroll through the senses.
All the landscape's clear
Through enticing lenses

http://i1005.photobucket.com/albums/af178/maxicastro/Smileys/clap.gif

http://i1005.photobucket.com/albums/af178/maxicastro/Smileys/approved.gif

[Bar22do]

I'm very familiar with the ceremony, Alien, and yours is a poem that appeals so gracefully and directly to the senses. Your last stanza reads fine to me:

Now, I sit alone in my bed
by flickering candle light,
the herbal aroma leading my eyes
to the enticing cipher of love
glowing crimson in my hand.

though you could consider losing the penultimate line so as to obtain: "the herbal aroma leading my eyes/to the glowing crimson in my hand" - well, perhaps only my preference; "to the enticing cipher of love" takes a bit from the mystery of your verse. Sometimes, the untold is stronger.

I enjoyed reading you very much. Thank you.

[aliengirl]

I'm very familiar with the ceremony, Alien, and yours is a poem that appeals so gracefully and directly to the senses. Your last stanza reads fine to me:

Now, I sit alone in my bed
by flickering candle light,
the herbal aroma leading my eyes
to the enticing cipher of love
glowing crimson in my hand.

though you could consider losing the penultimate line so as to obtain: "the herbal aroma leading my eyes/to the glowing crimson in my hand" - well, perhaps only my preference; "to the enticing cipher of love" takes a bit from the mystery of your verse. Sometimes, the untold is stronger.

I enjoyed reading you very much. Thank you.

Dear Bar, I'm grateful for your kind words. :)

Rereading my poem after some days, I feel you're right about that penultimate line. It'll also reduce the stanza length to four lines which looks neater. Thank you for sharing your opinion.

[aliengirl]

Dear Max, your kind words made my day. Glad you liked it. :)

[Maximilianus]

And I'm glad you posted it http://smiles.kolobok.us/standart/ok.gif