5 Minutes more.

[Jerrybaldy]

Televison adverts make me happy,
whiter whites, give 2 pounds per month,
starving children get fresh water
I only give one beer.
My piss is pink
It makes me worry.
I ate an orange today
One of my five a day.

Five minutes more mum,
the TV paints the room with colour,
just five minutes more,
bed time is an age away.

On the beach, the sun high in the sky
when it hits the sea we die.
I put my hand between your legs
outside your blue bikini,
with red and white tic a tape.
Your softness
still has the thrill of the kill.
I strip you bare, all moles
pale skin, unsunkissed
and auburn pubic hair.

Just five minutes more,
seaweed washes in as we head out,
wrapping our limbs
unable to swim.
We sink, hand in hand
the sea getting darker and colder
and the sun left far behind.

In the depths of the dark
we hang as our eyes balloon.
Cocooned in a school
of blind fish and aliens,
bottom trawlers
and plastic bags.

The sun sizzles as it hits the sea
I think I am watching TV,
Just five minutes more mum,
I am not ready for bed,
this means so much to me.

My bed frame saves me from falling.
You are in the bed beside me,
cloaked in starfish,
with salt water tears
and lidless eyes,
your legs are a shimmer of scales.

You are far too late to save me.

[Silas Thorne]

Great! But not, if the 'piss is pink with blood' is real.

I only have five minutes, so I'll just give you a few thoughts after reading this a couple of times.
Wow! :
'Our eyes balloon' wow! linked with floating plastic bags, and thinking me of jellyfish too.
'A shimmer of scales' with this 5 minutes throughout. I see a flash of scales in the dark.

You missed the typo 'srtrip' I think.

Bye now, and be well.

[firefangled]

This has the feeling of N falling asleep and dreaming, perhaps even dying and experiencing the surreal circumstances that are strewn with bits and pieces of the last thoughts before losing consciousness.

I very much enjoyed reading it. Kinda Fellini like for me.

[bIGwIRE]

I really enjoyed this piece, Jerry. No matter how long we live, its never enough, and we are left begging for more. Reading this really got me thinking of my own mortality, and of squeezing every drip from my own life.

I liked how you described the girls clothes and body, but didn't describe her emotions or thoughts. Reminiscing is often such a sensory experience.

The way you used the word "mum" was a really nice touch, instead of using mother, or a masculine equivalent. In my mind it is a more intimate word, and it works so well when appealing to the tender mercies of a higher being. It added a helpless, almost desperate feeling as you beg for the sun not to set.

Really nice.

[Jerrybaldy]

Thank you Silas, Firefangled and bIGwIRE for reading and for your kind comments.

[Bar22do]

A fast stream of consciousness that leaves one (me) breathless as it falls into the unconscious.... makes me sad, as your writing often does.