A Dream

[E.A Rumfield]

Yeats Keats teats
The days are dark
and the nights bottomless
floating through a forgotten sea
the foam is blood red
and the sea salt sea air has a
decaying odor

This vessel trudges drearily
along
as the fog descends
on a day no brighter then the night
the water is still
reflecting mirror images of the
faded sun, gray green gray green
as dreamily, I stare toward the horizon
but it isn't there, nothing is
not even the end of the earth

[Silas Thorne]

An interesting dream. Maybe make this a prose poem though?

I'm not sure about the line breaks, particularly with the 'along' line. It's kind of like stressing the word 'along' in a sentence for no good reason. So why line break before the word?

You've said 'a dream', why the 'dreamily' ?
'Days are dark' (Yawn)

[firefangled]

I'm always a sucker for a well done dream poem, as I was for this one.

I agree with Silas about the line "along." I think single word lines take very special care to work.

It could stand a little tweaking on the language to help further with pulling us into the eerie scene, which reminded me of the description in Coleridge's Ancient Mariner:

The fair breeze blew, the white foam flew,
The furrow followed free;
We were the first that ever burst
Into that silent sea.

You could use better language to set up what is a very good last line, as well as tilting more toward a dream.

[E.A Rumfield]

I wrote this with nothing particular in mind. I'm not sure if it is finished or, if it should have been started in the first place.

how bout this to end the poem I think it stinks but its all I can think of

as dreamily I stare towards the horizon
infinite
but all I see is nothing
emptiness and oblivion
not even the end of the earth

[Jeos]

I would propose :if you wrote in a jet then rewrite it trying to working out the content differently