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SMG328
08-14-2012, 06:32 PM
Hello everyone! I wrote a poem but i need to make it better....i need to raise the level of the poem is to use symbolism, metaphor, or other literary devices to create a deeper level of meaning. There is none in my poem right now..... I want to put a disclaimer out there lol... .. this did not happen to me nor did it happen to anyone i know it is 100% made up...... can someone help make this a deeper poem with one or more of the literary devices above?

Its also suppose to be a villanelle poem

here is the poem.....

Daddy and Me
My secret of terror that hides within me;
the darkest of secrets no one needs.
The secret encounters of daddy and me.

The abuse he does no one can see!
I beg him to stop but he proceeds;
my secret of terror that hides within me.

A father’s loving touch that sickens me.
What happened to the protector that is a father’s creed?
The secret encounters of daddy and me.

I wash my body but his scent won’t leave;
I scrub so hard that it bleeds.
My secret of terror that hides within me.

The voices in my head are screaming I want to be free!
Does he not see the picture of his ill will deeds?
The secret encounters of daddy and me.

He’s now in prison for what he did to me;
He’s now with the inmates to which he pleads.
My secret of terror that hides within me;
The secret encounters of daddy and me.

Delta40
08-14-2012, 07:01 PM
I would be inclined to relate abuse to something else and build on the associations of that. For example

abuse = destroying a flower wall stone by stone

The power of abuse can be read in metaphor as the wall is dismantled, brought to crumbling point by once mighty, trusty hands. You can also engage in wordplay like 'digging' and any terms used in the construction business.

I'm not saying use this metaphor, only that it is an example.