Goldie

[MystyrMystyry]

Goldie was a little fish
who lived in a bowl
One day her bubbles
turned into thoughts

They started off
I'm hungry! Feed me!
This was fair enough
she had no recourse

But soon she became
more demanding

You can't keep me!
I want to see a lawyer!
Well that's ridiculous
Perhaps she flipped?

Or wised up...

I took this to mean
she was pining for a lake

I poured her in a pond
best thing at short notice

And then over time
I forgot about her

She was only a fish

Some may say it had
to do with moonlight
Or magic in the air
or even chemicals
Perhaps willpower?
But one night I chanced
to visit her pond

There came Goldie's
unmistakable
thought bubbles
Calling me over
I peered deep
into the water
But to no avail

Down here! she cried

Where? Where are you?

More bubbles
telling me to
be prepared

It seemed that
over time she
she had evolved
into a new species
Something quite
unrecognizable
considering her
origins - but then
why not? she had
been the result
of selective
breeding to begin

Anyway suddenly

Splash!

She flipped for real!

Out onto the
wet pebbles

I was not

could not

expect

this

Not at all

Her tail was long
and flappy
She had arms
Flowing blonde hair
And bright piercing
green eyes

My crazy little Goldie
had somehow
transmogrified
into a

bonafide

freshwater

Mermaid


So, I finally
ventured, after
the shock had
settled some
You still want me to
take you to a lake?

No bubbles

Just piercing
hungry eyes

and pointy fangs!

[MystyrMystyry]

le bump

[Jack of Hearts]

Read this a long time ago- in what feels like years ago in this reader's personal life. The conclusion from then (saw this the day it was posted) still stands: loved the content, not sure about the form of the poem. Maybe it ought to be tried as prose. Well whatever, it was still fun to read.








J

[Bar22do]

Oho! your imagination at work again, MM. I never saw it before, I'm afraid, but had a great pleasure reading it now. Your stories are so involving that I can't even pay attention to form, though Jack might be right. Try this in prose lines. Edgar Keret did it, with great success (some of his short stories rhyme). And you have enough material to publish a book - I can already see readers' protruding eyes...

[MystyrMystyry]

Thanks again JackoH :)

I can't say either way. I wrote it pretty much in a flow with minimal on the spot corrections along the way, read it back and it seemed okay, so I posted.

It may be a thing that when one is trying new methods which may seem ostensibly similar to others they've done, the reader wishes it were more like another piece (I'm like this with the last two Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy novels - they'd be great if they were more like the first three, but they're still okay...)

So yeah, no plans to rewrite it as prose (just yet) I'm afraid.

[MystyrMystyry]

Thankyou Bar22do :)

What! You too!

Damned if you do, damned every way you look!

I agree there's minimal tension and spring to the words, that it could have been done in prose (and it could have been done in rhyme, neat stanzas etc), but it wasn't - I'm sorry, but it's where my head was at the moment I wrote it.

I'm not offended, and I don't want to write too much lest it seem I am, just seems odd that all three commenters here agree (myself included) that it may as well be a prose poem. One day perhaps I'll review it and rewrite, just not tonight - I've got something on...

Thanks again :)

[aliengirl]

Interesting as always. Your imagination works in mysterious ways MM. :)


It seemed that
over time she
she had evolved
into a new species
Something quite
unrecognizable
considering her
origins - but then
why not?

The above lines remind me of Pike by Ted Hughes. There is a similarity between his three inches long pike and your little Goldie. Both turned out to be unforeseen dangers.

[zoolane]

I like the that 'Goldie' changed into child then dangerous mermaid but then 'teenager'?

[MystyrMystyry]

Thankyou Alien Girl :)

I'll be sure to look into Pike by Ted Hughes - I may have read it but don't remember offhand

[MystyrMystyry]

Thankyou Zoo :)

Very funny comment, and an unexpected aspect I hadn't considered ;)

[zoolane]

Thankyou Zoo :)

Very funny comment, and an unexpected aspect I hadn't considered ;)

What mean young child with tantrum still give cold shoulder and then grow up to teenager and is on intend with revenge as siren of sea.

[MystyrMystyry]

Okay Zoo.

There was no intentional deeper meaning to it - just the little story, but I don't mind you viewing in other ways that I didn't see.

One fact is the artist/author never knows how much else can be interpreted by the audience into a creation. The writer might think they know what it's about, but it doesn't matter - the audience knows best

[zoolane]

MM lovely poem for 'Goldie gold fish'.

[YesNo]

I don't have any goldfish to worry about, but after reading this I won't drop any of them into a lake. Nice, memorable content.