Fit.

[Jerrybaldy]

In his hospice bed, my father tells me
of the dogs of war
that apparently visited,
the night before.

I watch as he eats a mandarin
so little face fat left,
masticating with visible jaw.
I’m fascinated, a kid in a museum
animating the skull of a dinosaur.

Distracted by cries of another
I watch a family surround a bloated man.
I immediately feel he should be home,
writhing there, just skin and bone.

My fathers jaw of yellowed teeth,
softly crushes orange flesh.
I kiss him good night on his hollowed cheek
for the nights that he bade me to sleep.

I leave him, fit for crucifixion,
feeling I should stay.
I think of the day, that's tomorow,
when my children, walk away.

[Buh4Bee]

This was very moving and I was emotionally touched. Very visceral.

[crusoe]

The poetry is wonderful. (only the word fit disturbs me...)

[Hawkman]

JB. this is a deeply affecting poem and makes me think of my own aged parent, who now looks as though he's just been carried out of Belsen. Still fiercely independent though.

However, I do feel you have a couple of problems in epression in this piece, which if addressed could only make it better. S3 is the culprit here. "Distracted by cries of another" is not as good as it could be, and would be much better as, "Distracted by another's cry," The next problem is that you describe a family surrounding, "a bloated man." In the next sentence you say you feel he should be home. Well so far so good, but then you go on to say he's "skin and bone". Presumably the second sentence in this stanza actually refers to your father, unfortunatley it doesn't read like this. As written the second stanza refers to the "bloated man", who therefore can't be "skin and bone."

The only other snag in this poem is in the last line of S4. "...bade me to sleep." isn't really qite right. "...bade me sleep." would be better here.

However, the rest of this is stunning. A great read. Thanks for sharing.

Live and be well - H

[Jerrybaldy]

Thank you Buh and Crusoe.
Hawk. The bloated man was my original inspiration. I felt he would somehow feel better being skin and bone, so it was still him I referred to. Was just something in my mind that being emaciated was apt for death and to be bloated at the end was somehow unfitting. I am not about to defend this thought other than I had it.
Thanks for commenting.