do open relationships last?

[cacian]

in the same way that a non open does?
Is it easier to be in an open relationship because one in a way commits and does not commit at the same time?

[OrphanPip]

Some of them do, some don't. Depends on the people involved.

[Helga]

I agree with pip, some people can make it work and couldn't be in a 'closed' one. I personally don't think I could do it.

[cacian]

Some of them do, some don't. Depends on the people involved.

How do you mean by the people involved?
I was just thinking do poeple go into them because they are the type of people who are born that way or arethey people who have read about it and decided to try it out?


I agree with pip, some people can make it work and couldn't be in a 'closed' one. I personally don't think I could do it.

I totally could not do it because I am very possessive with feelings and believe fully in love and being with the one. Just like fairy stories I believe there is love and then there is the one and only one a bit like a ring only you wear that in feelings and not looks.

[tonywalt]

I totally could not do it because I am very possessive with feelings and believe fully in love and being with the one. Just like fairy stories I believe there is love and then there is the one and only one a bit like a ring only you wear that in feelings and not in looks.


What is an open relationship - describe? I do not understand.

[cacian]

What is an open relationship - describe? I do not understand.

From what I am picking up and from what I have read and been told an open relationship is when you are with someone but then you agree that you are also to have sexual relations with others. I am not sure whether that involves feelings or not.

[lilimarlene]

here's some information on open relationships...http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/apr/06/couples-in-open-relationships

[Mutatis-Mutandis]

:sleep:

[Alexander III]

From what I am picking up and from what I have read and been told an open relationship is when you are with someone but then you agree that you are also to have sexual relations with others. I am not sure whether that involves feelings or not.

Is that not just marriage?

[Darcy88]

Open relationship is a term that is oxymoronic and if I ever have a daughter or a son and they have an open relationship I will force them to change their names and I'll never speak to them again.

An open relationship is a friendship with sex or sex without love. Its stupid. I can't stand the term. Commitment is a primary pillar in any relationship.

[tonywalt]

I'm not familiar with the term. In the Caribbean the concept of Monogamy is strict, especially Jamaicans.

[Calidore]

My open relationships haven't worked, largely because I didn't know they were open at the time.

[JuniperWoolf]

They can last at least six years, seven months, and eleven days.

[cacian]

Is that not just marriage?

Not according to the vows no.


Open relationship is a term that is oxymoronic and if I ever have a daughter or a son and they have an open relationship I will force them to change their names and I'll never speak to them again.
Ooooh strict haha it is not possible to force anyone to do anything :D

An open relationship is a friendship with sex or sex without love. Its stupid. I can't stand the term. Commitment is a primary pillar in any relationship.
I agree with you although I see it as having a company someone there with to chat to whiltst being able to play the fields with many other consenting adults. People are very tricky to understand all the time. In the same way that I consider nudist beaches tricky.

I'm not familiar with the term. In the Caribbean the concept of Monogamy is strict, especially Jamaicans.
I have been told by a carribean friend that most carribean men do not settle in any relationship and that they enjoy free lifestyle.

My open relationships haven't worked, largely because I didn't know they were open at the time.
Oh I see I guess the word ''open'' can be misleading or tricky too.


They can last at least six years, seven months, and eleven days.

any hours or seconds?

[Alexander III]

Not according to the vows no.

Once I again I supposed marriage vows were taken with the same seriousness as the promises of a politician before elections.

[cacian]

Once I again I supposed marriage vows were taken with the same seriousness as the promises of a politician before elections.

Ah haha I guess the only difference is that one is done under the ''sight of God'' and the other taken literally before an audience and cameras.
Both represent an institution which do not guarantee no rule breaking and for that both divorce and resignation are at hand.
In an open relationship however you can break the rules as long as you are happy and honest about it. Although no relationship of any sort open or closed guarantess no rule breaking again. One can still cheat so it is a catch 22 really. Best no to lable anything me think!:wink5::D

[qimissung]

My open relationships haven't worked, largely because I didn't know they were open at the time.


:lol:

I think the word for this is "polyamorous;" as a working concept I think it is tricky and largely unworkable, but I keep hearing about it more often lately.

I am fairly conservative when it comes to relationships. I don't believe in fairy tale stuff, or soul mates, nor do I think people need to be actually married for a long term relationship to work, but I do think the best scenario is that there is committment and sexual exclusivity.

[Calidore]

:lol:

I think the word for this is "polyamorous;" as a working concept I think it is tricky and largely unworkable, but I keep hearing about it more often lately.


"Polyamorous" does sound much prettier than "cheating," doesn't it? I suppose the word from the other person's point of view would be mono-monogamy.

I know it's good to be open-minded and all, and mutual consent is king and all that, but I do think that anyone who contents him/herself with simply being one of many toys in another's box has bigger problems.

[Buh4Bee]

I personally think it is just disrespectful and a hurtful way to live.

[OrphanPip]

"Polyamorous" does sound much prettier than "cheating," doesn't it? I suppose the word from the other person's point of view would be mono-monogamy.

I know it's good to be open-minded and all, and mutual consent is king and all that, but I do think that anyone who contents him/herself with simply being one of many toys in another's box has bigger problems.

That would require that both partners are not equal participants in having sex with others outside the relationship.

Although, I'd say an open relationship and polyamory are not the same thing. Polyamory is a relationship structure where 3 or more people are involved in a longterm relationship amongst themselves. An open relationship involves a pair that has sex with others, but does not include the 3rd parties inside the relationship.

Some people like going to orgies, sometimes couples might enjoy them. I lack the telepathic ability to see inside the minds of others, so I'll take the word of those involved in those relationships that it works for them.

[JuniperWoolf]

I don't see why we should seek to own that which we love. Seems like a notion born of insecurity to me.

[cacian]

I personally think it is just disrespectful and a hurtful way to live.
I see what you mean but for some people life and feelings do not mix maybe.

I don't see why we should seek to own that which we love. Seems like a notion born of insecurity to me.

To love is to own??

[JuniperWoolf]

To love is to own??

Apparently so.

[cacian]

Apparently so.

How so? I guess the closest I got to owning something was perhaps an idea.
Objects do not last a very long time and people are free moving and thinking it is kind of hard to own a person. :D

[tonywalt]

From my experience most of these 'open relationships' are driven by the guy, not the girl.

The scenario is almost always the same: The husband (cuckold) wants to see (and usually film) a single male having sex with his wife. The male is almost always 'approved' by the husband and whatever happens then happens. I would say the women are rarely into it and they are just satisfying the husband. Ironically, the husband's are very specific about body types (bigger, muscles - a "bull") and c$%k size is paramount in the deal - strangely the wife is much less insistent on the physical criteria. I'd say if she does enjoy anything, it's just seeing her husband get aroused or satisfied.

Much less often will you have two couples having sex (swapping) together right then and there, and even rarer is when the couple just out separately and have sex.

The more typical male fantasy of male female female sex - thats much less common in my experience.

[Bluehound]

I would say their are 2 types, young people who just will not commit to each other, which I would agree probably suits the male half more than the female half. They usually have a newfangled term for it "we are just seeing each other, not going out". What's the difference?

And older couples who have gotten a little board with each other, in this case I think it is very likely that the wife will be just as much into it as the man, maybe more so.He might feel a little threatened when she is getting loads of attention at the swingers club.

Actually there are a third group of people who do just fine in an open relationship , but I bet it works best if you don't bring your conquests home and start asking your partner to sleep on the couch :)

[cacian]

From my experience most of these 'open relationships' are driven by the guy, not the girl.
baloney!!!


The scenario is almost always the same: The husband (cuckold) wants to see (and usually film) a single male having sex with his wife. The male is almost always 'approved' by the husband and whatever happens then happens. I would say the women are rarely into it and they are just satisfying the husband. Ironically, the husband's are very specific about body types (bigger, muscles - a "bull") and c$%k size is paramount in the deal - strangely the wife is much less insistent on the physical criteria. I'd say if she does enjoy anything, it's just seeing her husband get aroused or satisfied.

Much less often will you have two couples having sex (swapping) together right then and there, and even rarer is when the couple just out separately and have sex.

The more typical male fantasy of male female female sex - thats much less common in my experience.
Haha you have not lived you need to watch out more :yesnod:
Rather naive to think that all men behave in the same way they do in porn the reality is much much further then that! You would be amazed but then on second thought you better not know:D


I would say their are 2 types, young people who just will not commit to each other, which I would agree probably suits the male half more than the female half. They usually have a newfangled term for it "we are just seeing each other, not going out". What's the difference?

And older couples who have gotten a little board with each other, in this case I think it is very likely that the wife will be just as much into it as the man, maybe more so.He might feel a little threatened when she is getting loads of attention at the swingers club.

Actually there are a third group of people who do just fine in an open relationship , but I bet it works best if you don't bring your conquests home and start asking your partner to sleep on the couch :)

I don't know I think people will do anything if you do not tell them in an explanatory way that they must not and shouldn't.

[Paulclem]

It's a very difficult subject to get any real perspective on. You hear about swinging, but it's difficult to know - (not that I really want to know) - if there are clubs or groups that do this systematically or whether it is opportunistic. We've all heard about the car keys in the bowl type scenario, but it is impossible to know what each person really thinks about it, especially with booze in the mix.

The same goes for supposedly open relationships. You hear of these even less - if hardly at all - but are both partners consensual or is one the driver - as has been mentioned? Swinging or open relationships may bestow a kind of control from a reluctant partner who would be in a situation of unknowing what their partner was doing otherwise. If this sounds implausible, I do know of people who put up with their partner's flings in order to preserve the marriage.

One bloke I did know was a notorious philanderer. I worked with him and we got on very well, but over a few weeks it became clear what he was up to, despite his charming discretion. When you then looked at what he and the family were doing -they had come over to live the UK lifestyle for a year or so as he was originally from Coventry - you began to wonder what situations they had come away from. His two girls and his wife were great, and you just felt sorry for them.

Open relationships can potetially unleash a whole host of problems, and despite the people in the article apparently being happy with it, it is uncertain as to whether they say what they actually think, or whether they are really happy with the way it goes.

[cacian]

It's a very difficult subject to get any real perspective on. You hear about swinging, but it's difficult to know - (not that I really want to know) - if there are clubs or groups that do this systematically or whether it is opportunistic. We've all heard about the car keys in the bowl type scenario, but it is impossible to know what each person really thinks about it, especially with booze in the mix.

The same goes for supposedly open relationships. You hear of these even less - if hardly at all - but are both partners consensual or is one the driver - as has been mentioned? Swinging or open relationships may bestow a kind of control from a reluctant partner who would be in a situation of unknowing what their partner was doing otherwise. If this sounds implausible, I do know of people who put up with their partner's flings in order to preserve the marriage.

One bloke I did know was a notorious philanderer. I worked with him and we got on very well, but over a few weeks it became clear what he was up to, despite his charming discretion. When you then looked at what he and the family were doing -they had come over to live the UK lifestyle for a year or so as he was originally from Coventry - you began to wonder what situations they had come away from. His two girls and his wife were great, and you just felt sorry for them.

Open relationships can potetially unleash a whole host of problems, and despite the people in the article apparently being happy with it, it is uncertain as to whether they say what they actually think, or whether they are really]


happy with the way it goes.

Happy is a concept that is thought to be gotten under an 'open relationship' althouhg too much of something can lead to great unhappiness.
I am thinking when goes for these relationship when one can't engage in a close one , does not know how to or has not been initiated with one.
I guess it is better and easier to play the field then not.

[YesNo]

The topic reminds me of the song "All 'Er Nothing" from Oklahoma!. Will and Ado Annie are discussing whether they should open their relationship a bit. Since I don't see people selling super-king size beds that will accommodate more than two, I suspect open relationships either aren't very successful or aren't very open.

I like Hammerstein's lyrics:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVz5K63iYDs&feature=related

[Darcy88]

I had something of an "open relationship" once. It was a weird situation where there was sex and emotional attachment without commitment. It was bliss for a while and then it devolved into an utter disaster. When she tried to commit I pulled away. When I tried to commit, she pulled away. When she talked about other guys it drove me nuts.

I don't get the concept. I think a relationship should be between two people and that's it. In my opinion.

[JuniperWoolf]

The scenario is almost always the same: The husband (cuckold) wants to see (and usually film) a single male having sex with his wife. The male is almost always 'approved' by the husband and whatever happens then happens. I would say the women are rarely into it and they are just satisfying the husband. Ironically, the husband's are very specific about body types (bigger, muscles - a "bull") and c$%k size is paramount in the deal - strangely the wife is much less insistent on the physical criteria. I'd say if she does enjoy anything, it's just seeing her husband get aroused or satisfied.

Haha, methinks someone has been watching too much youporn.

[Alexander III]

Haha, methinks someone has been watching too much youporn.

This actually just reminded me of the best ice-breaker between two guys who are just meeting for the first time. I used this one in my first week of university a lot.

"So, you a fan of Lisa Anne's or Tory Black's work?


badaboom ice officially broken.

[cacian]

The topic reminds me of the song "All 'Er Nothing" from Oklahoma!. Will and Ado Annie are discussing whether they should open their relationship a bit. Since I don't see people selling super-king size beds that will accommodate more than two, I suspect open relationships either aren't very successful or aren't very open.

I like Hammerstein's lyrics:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVz5K63iYDs&feature=related

People naturally tend to go for a one to one relationship and intimicay can only work when there are two people involved.
They do say two is a company and three is a crowd.


I had something of an "open relationship" once. It was a weird situation where there was sex and emotional attachment without commitment. It was bliss for a while and then it devolved into an utter disaster. When she tried to commit I pulled away. When I tried to commit, she pulled away. When she talked about other guys it drove me nuts.

I don't get the concept. I think a relationship should be between two people and that's it. In my opinion.

I do not get the concept either.

[Mutatis-Mutandis]

This actually just reminded me of the best ice-breaker between two guys who are just meeting for the first time. I used this one in my first week of university a lot.

"So, you a fan of Lisa Anne's or Tory Black's work?


badaboom ice officially broken.

Black all the way.

[tonywalt]

I have been told by a carribean friend that most carribean men do not settle in any relationship and that they enjoy free lifestyle.

That's probably a stereotype. The president of South Africa has 20 wives (at last count) and he and his wives seem to be doing brilliantly - in the Rainbow Nation.

[cacian]

That's probably a stereotype. The president of South Africa has 20 wives (at last count) and he and his wives seem to be doing brilliantly - in the Rainbow Nation.
It could not be a stereotype if the statement came from a carribean woman herself.
Stereotypes are made by outsiders onto a culture they do not really know.
Twenty wow that is an achievement in itself. Well then it just goes to prove then they can't manage just the one but quite sneakely use marriage as a tool to get to sleep around as many as they wishedwithout breaking the rule.
I rather feel sorry for the kids. I can't imagine the confusione it must send in their little mind.
Call it what you may but I think marriage is being made the scapegoat and here I am thinking it was agaisnt the marriage rule to marry more then one at a time.
Imagine if marriage dictated that you could only marry once?
In some places you are not allowed a divorce.
Inothers you can have as many wives as you want.
The more institutions mankind bring upon themselves the more traps they are to set themselves.

[Scheherazade]

That's probably a stereotype. The president of South Africa has 20 wives (at last count) and he and his wives seem to be doing brilliantly - in the Rainbow Nation.The wives are probably happy because they don't have to spend that much time with him.

[cacian]

The wives are probably happy because they don't have to spend that much time with him.

Touche :thumbsup:

[Desolation]

I don't get the concept. I think a relationship should be between two people and that's it. In my opinion.

I'm inclined to agree. You know, there's that part of me who thinks, "Yeah, I'm a good progressive 21st Century guy, I could handle it"...And then there's that other, much larger side, that thinks, "NO."

[cacian]

I'm inclined to agree. You know, there's that part of me who thinks, "Yeah, I'm a good progressive 21st Century guy, I could handle it"...And then there's that other, much larger side, that thinks, "NO."

Interesting that in one hand the word progressive is there.
Do you associate open relationships with modernism/modern attitude?
as oppose to digressive which is the opposite and perhaps is made to loom over one to one relationship.
Another word you use is handle which may indicate it is quite a hefty task and not all progressive after all.

[tonywalt]

The wives are probably happy because they don't have to spend that much time with him.

Indeed they are happy - and likely well compensated in various forms and fashions even with the rather erudite ruling that only one of wives will receive allowance going forward.

In keeping with 'ad hoc ruling' the other wives 'all current and future legal and common-in-law wives' will be restricted to a diet of mealies and beer which shall be delivered thrice daily to their Sandton homes. Oh well, the joys of an open relationship.

Strangely the international media doesn't cover this stuff - ah, so predictable.

[tonywalt]

Haha, methinks someone has been watching too much youporn.

lol, I think cuckold came from Shakespeare - cool word though:thumbsup:

[tonywalt]

baloney!!!


Haha you have not lived you need to watch out more :yesnod:
Rather naive to think that all men behave in the same way they do in porn the reality is much much further then that! You would be amazed but then on second thought you better not know:D



I don't know I think people will do anything if you do not tell them in an explanatory way that they must not and shouldn't.

Well that's a first - I have never been described as naive.

I never suggested that all men behave like they do in porn.

[LadyLuck]

I think the success would depend on the societal norm. In a society where monogamy is the accepted relationship status, it is much more difficult to maintain a non monogamous relationship. I would not be able to do so, not because I feel ownership of my partner, as Juniper suggested, but because I would expect my partner to have the same level of commitment that I do to a relationship. If I wished to have a causal partner, then I would never dream of considering it a relationship as to me that would be a commitment to a single individual. I do imagine that I could maybe make a non polygamous relationship work if it was still a level of commitment in the sense that I was one of 2 or 3 wives or some such scenario as that, but not open in the sense that they found a pretty girl at the bar and decided to take her home for a night.