My Grandpa-

[Twota]

My grandpa-
in black and white,
he sat alone,
his legs were crossed,
his eyes so deep,
as if trying to capture
the youth and strength
within a card.

He held that picture
after years of that time,
as he rocked on his chair
imprisoned in his card,
twas dirty like his pants
and wrinkled like his skin,
together equally worn
by the hands of time.

[Jack of Hearts]

Twota,

This is a nice poem. You're doing great with the things you describe visually. This reader has two suggestions for the second stanza: use the word 'was' instead of 'twas' and correct the typo 'euqally' with 'equally.' Some of the syntax is kind of... abrupt, but in this case it seems alright. Well done.






J

[Twota]

Thanks lots jack, glad you liked it. ;D and fixed equally lol :D

[miyako73]

Nice, but a poem that strictly describes has a tendency to be literal and prosy. I think poetry should also tell a story but through the play of language, mind, and emotion.

[Twota]

Thanks miyako, I know it is lil bit literal, I will try to make it more poetic next time. :D

[Bar22do]

I was moved by your description, Twota, even if the poetical aspect deserves to be put forth.

[Twota]

Thanks bar, glad it could move you. :)