Miscellaneous Landlord Recipes

[MystyrMystyry]

1. Deep Fried Landlord

Ingredients:
One Miscellaneous Landlord (still breathing)
Cauldron Of Boiling Oil

Instructions

Take Miscellaneous Landlord
and immerse in boiling oil until done

Serve to diseased cockroaches

(note: Do NOT eat the cockroaches)



2. Diced Landlord

Ingredients:

One Miscellaneous Landlord (still breathing)
One Sharp Knife (blunt will do)
One Shovel

Instructions:

Carve Miscellaneous Landlord up into cubes
Dig medium sized hole
Place cubes in hole
Cover with dirt and stomp

(worms love this one!)



3. Landlord On Spit

Ingredients:

One Miscellaneous Landlord (still breathing)
One Spit
One Open Fire

Instructions:

Stick Spit through Miscellaneous Landlord
Rotate slowly over open fire



4. Tenderized Landlord Mince Patties

Ingredients:

One Miscellaneous Landlord (still breathing)
One Cement Mixer (a washing machine will do)
One Sharp Stick
One Mincer
One Hammer

Instructions:

Insert Miscellaneous Landlord into mixer
Use sharp stick if it attempts to climb out
Once subdued grind in mincer
Form balls and flatten with hammer

Feed patties to the sewer rats

(note: Do NOT eat the rats)

[YesNo]

You ought to collect all your landlord poems into a book. You didn't say who is most fit to consume #2 and #3.

[Adolescent09]

Wow your poetry stretches the limits of imagination. #2 seems fine for a first course meal but I'm black and I'm from the southern U.S. so I done like me some of dem deep fried stuff. I'll take #1 either to go or as an appetizer. You don't really mention portion size (although I'm assuming a cauldron is pretty large). I'm corpulent anyway. Since I'm on a diet I guess I'll take it to go.

[MystyrMystyry]

Thanks YesNo. I think you mean what would eat it, possibly a shark?

The landlord refuses to repair or replace the ancient oven, believing it my responsibility (thus rendering him a new, related, title) therefore I had to devise alternate methods of cooking his goose.

[MystyrMystyry]

Are you quite sure about your order Adolescent? It'll give you indigestion and heartburn just looking at it ;)

[Adolescent09]

I'm used to eating victuals off the floor that collects dirt. My mom is a very clumsy cook. Every time she drops some food she says I have to eat it and all the extra condiments from the floor that comes with it. Dirt is practically an insipid ingredient to me. Bring it on!

As for #1 I like the deep fried part but cockroaches (especially their legs) remind me of spiders and I am deeply arachnophobic so leave out the cockroaches entirely and I'm ready to gorge on that as well lol.

[Bar22do]

My flat's owner has recently suddenly died. He was a great guy, repaired everything, relied on me regarding what needs to be refreshed or redecorated, completely renewed the kitchen and bathroom - I've been living in this heaven for many years and he and his wife were ever my guardian angels... we went to concerts together, I cooked dinners inspired by their generous natures....
Therefore, with all my sympathy for your situation with an evil landlord, I can't stop myself from praising this man who was so uniquely human, friendly, caring... irreplaceable... as I can't stop myself from crying upon what has happened...

[Delta40]

Where's the apple in his mouth man? I like the ideas for 'cooking his goose' but dressing that goose is important too. Even a pig on spit ends up with an apple in its mouth and the stuffing up a goose's ***? well.... use your imagination MM LMAO!

good poem otherwise.

[Jack of Hearts]

Haha, worth the read like usual, MM. It reminds this reader of another posting of yours... stand by...







J

[DieterM]

My own landlord is perfect in that sense that he's absent most of the time and didn't charge me more for the moment, as would be his right... yet how I sympathize with the strong feeling behind your poems! They made for a very pleasant moment at work, with all my colleagues worrying about my mental health because I was giggling so much! Really enjoyed them!

[Jeos]

Interesting style indeed. Nothing to see with juste beautiful prose. Liked it.
And generally (at least here in Belgium) landlords are so.

[MystyrMystyry]

Sorry to hear you're going through a sad time Bar22do. My condolences.

[MystyrMystyry]

Why waste a good apple on a bad apple Delta? :)

[MystyrMystyry]

Glad you enjoyed it JackoH. I see you've resurrected an ancient one from the Litnet depths ;)

[AuntShecky]

Funny, funny, funny. The kindling for the "open fire" should be really restrictive leases-- the untenable, "untenantable" kind.

[MystyrMystyry]

Thanks Aunty :)