Three Years Ago

[Revolte]

Rain pitter-pattered down
–heavy, but loving–
as if it knew the path
and the blindness it owned.

With a question I drove
–one left unanswered–
through the mountain tree-fields
that hid the angel's home.

The wings of obsession
–dark, light and between–
grew from my aching back
to guide me through the glare.

But where I found myself
–I, who was not me–
was lost in thoughts of her,
then backwards in a fair.

And when I found the home
–after Bambi ran–
and she the angel-muse,
change would come forever.

But all those years ago
–when our eyes first locked paths–
it was somehow sweeter
then changed, alone, severed.

[miyako73]

One of my favorites. When I read it, it was like a mindless play but mature, heart-felt, and flawless. Definitely not childish. Share more of your stuff. Thanks

[Revolte]

Thank you :)

I feel like it gets lost at points though, trying to keep up with the 6/5/6/6 structure. I don''t usually write to a certain form. It was kind of like slapping myself in the face for a rise haha.

[Delta40]

I'm terrible at writing in any form Revolte so good on you! I wonder if it would have better to ditch the rhyme lines at the end of the stanzas and just stick with the structure so you still have the flexibility of expression because I feel there is some limitation in this area - although I do like the first three stanzas, I think the last 3 struggle. Alternatively, edit the last 3 so they flow as natural as the first 3

But having said that - congratulations!

[Revolte]

I'm terrible at writing in any form Revolte so good on you! I wonder if it would have better to ditch the rhyme lines at the end of the stanzas and just stick with the structure so you still have the flexibility of expression because I feel there is some limitation in this area - although I do like the first three stanzas, I think the last 3 struggle. Alternatively, edit the last 3 so they flow as natural as the first 3

But having said that - congratulations!

Haha, it's so true, I didn't even want to write the the last three. But seeing as how the events really took place it would be weird to have stopped so early in the, night.