The Rapidopolous

[MystyrMystyry]

You'd be wise to be wary of this:
In May when the cactuses bloom
There's one that looks harmless
But it may well spell your doom

It's exactly the opposite you see
Though it looks much the same
Green, and particularly prickly
Capturing people is its game

Watch the shadows and spaces
At night when you walk about
Because it lurks in such places
Ready with your loudest shout

But it might not be a solution
Rapidopolous is quick to strike
Perhaps best make a resolution
Only in daylight go for a hike

Its spike is a tranquilizer dart
Which fires at remarkable speed
If you avoid one don't take heart
There'll be another so take heed

It'll take you back to its dungeon
And cover you with oil and grease
Then invite you for its luncheon
It will be you who'll be the feast

Yes, you whom it will munch on
I mean you and only you alone
You'll be alive while it crunch on
Its favorite part - human bone

[billl]

Nice!

It's no Pierre Poodle, but ranks right up there with the best of your horror pieces! (e.g. veggies, bubbleblobs, bloigs, things, and the ambitious but flawed Space Demon!)

[Jack of Hearts]

Haha, Pierre Poodle was a good one. Rapidopolous is plenty entertaining though.





J

[MystyrMystyry]

Thanks Billl! :)

(Are you sure it was called Space Demon? I can't seem to find it, and I don't seem to even remember it...)

[MystyrMystyry]

Thanks JackoH! :)

Though I'm starting to feel I'm standing on the ghosts of deeds past... ;)

[Bar22do]

Your rhyming period has so much to offer. I ENJOY!

[Delta40]

Lol. I'm telling you and I wish you'd believe me, you're a natural born child's horror poet! I can see the book with all the illustrations as I type...

[billl]

Thanks Billl! :)

(Are you sure it was called Space Demon? I can't seem to find it, and I don't seem to even remember it...)

Space Demon!
http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?t=68888

lots of great stuff, but looks like it was kind of a big job--I only read it last night, stumbling across it while hunting down P.P. and "the bloigs". Perhaps I didn't study it closely enough--but it has no comments on it, and I hit a few bits that hit me wrong, the first time anyhow. However I'm definitely sure that the ambition is terrific, and for as much as you bit off, there really weren't that many crumbs that fell out while you chewed it.

Perhaps your interest could be rekindled? Or maybe I just need to give it another shot in a few days again.

[MystyrMystyry]

Thankyou Bar22do! :)

[MystyrMystyry]

Thankyou Delta! :)

[MystyrMystyry]

Ah - thanks Billl. Problem was I saved it under a different title, which had nothing to do with space demons, so I must've started something else and abandoned it. You're right about the flaws though, I should have expanded the metre to be able to include more words per line. There's a lot of shortcut compression going on which doesn't help clarity.

Still plenty of time for a rework though.