Hunter

[Tonyw4rrior]

Hi this is a very shorty story :)

The teeth were like nothing he had seen before. Even through the pummelling rain he could see the sheer size of the beast in all its glory. Gripped tight was the jagged stone still seething with blood from an earlier kill, a paltry kill. Jayo remained fully focused on the mysterious beast. Intrigue had no place here, he knew that this may be his only chance. knelt down awaiting for the best time to strike Jayo spotted a rain drop dripping down slowly from the above overgrowth his eyes noted it fall down into a puddle that had emerged in no time at all . It was only in a blink's eye but he noticed it all the same. "Another" right there infront of him. He did not regnonise the being he had become. he was frightened. Yet it was not due to the imminent task that lay ahead. he felt emotions overcome him. Emotions strong enough to paralyze him in the drenched soggy earth. He could see their faces as clear as day. His "other" his "younger other" his "younger another" and his "other's creator" Too many sunrise's had he seen their lackluster-ed faces. the strain of it drove an added daily hunger to his dying body. Jayo had been a formidable hunter, never reluctant to provide his beings with a daily find. Fear of the hunt had long surpassed many moons ago. Yet he he felt himself trembling unable to move. long had it been since he caught a hunt this size. Emotions continued to flood him, so deep that he felt himself drowning. Jayo looked down at the hand that carried the jagged stone. It was bobbing up and down at an uncontrollable pace. Deeper and deeper his feet sunk into the squelchy mud. The beast turned its ugly face and motioned its body to face this unknown being. Instinctively Jayo should have charged towards the beast wielding his jagged stone. he feel down to his knees and the beast frantically inserted his teeth into the unknown being.

[Steven Hunley]

This is so full of typos and grammar mistakes it's difficult to read. For instance:

'jagged stone still seething with blood' (Stones do not seeth, only things that are living or moving seeth. Men and women seeth. Humanity seeths. Even a wave or a storm can seeth. But not rocks. They run, they drip, they splash, but they don't seeth.

then we have:

'Intrigue had no place here, he knew that this may be his only chance.??? knelt down awaiting for the best time to strike Jayo (strike Jayo? oh, maybe you mean ...best time to strike, Jayo...) or better yet, ...best tme to strike. Jayo...) spotted a rain drop dripping down slowly from the above overgrowth (above overgrowth, oh, that's really distracting) his eyes noted it fall (noted it fall down? that one's so bad it's funny) down into a puddle that had emerged in no time at all .'

What we have here is a program that seems to have no spell checker, or an author who needs more time to proofread.

You know what you mean. We don't. Since you wrote it, when you go over it (do you even go over it?) you don't notice the mistakes. All author's do it to some extent. Have someone else read it, or put it aside for a few days and then go back and read it again. Hemingway did it all the time. He's telling us how to gain perspective on our own work. When you first write the words down you're like a mother birthing a child. No matter how it comes out, good, bad, or ugly, you love it to death. It's your own little creation. You feel absolutely God-like with your little creation.

After some time you sober up and gain perspective and your sweet little creation ain't so good-looking after all! At least, not as good looking as you first thought. It's got flaws and imperfections! Oh my!

Spell check, use grammar that makes sense, and proof-read. Readability matters too!

[Darcy88]

Hi this is a very shorty story :)

The teeth were like nothing he had seen before. Even through the pummelling rain he could see the sheer size of the beast in all its glory. Gripped tight was the jagged stone still seething with blood from an earlier kill, a paltry kill. Jayo remained fully focused on the mysterious beast. Intrigue had no place here, he knew that this may be his only chance. knelt down awaiting for the best time to strike Jayo spotted a rain drop dripping down slowly from the above overgrowth his eyes noted it fall down into a puddle that had emerged in no time at all . It was only in a blink's eye but he noticed it all the same. "Another" right there infront of him. He did not regnonise the being he had become. he was frightened. Yet it was not due to the imminent task that lay ahead. he felt emotions overcome him. Emotions strong enough to paralyze him in the drenched soggy earth. He could see their faces as clear as day. His "other" his "younger other" his "younger another" and his "other's creator" Too many sunrise's had he seen their lackluster-ed faces. the strain of it drove an added daily hunger to his dying body. Jayo had been a formidable hunter, never reluctant to provide his beings with a daily find. Fear of the hunt had long surpassed many moons ago. Yet he he felt himself trembling unable to move. long had it been since he caught a hunt this size. Emotions continued to flood him, so deep that he felt himself drowning. Jayo looked down at the hand that carried the jagged stone. It was bobbing up and down at an uncontrollable pace. Deeper and deeper his feet sunk into the squelchy mud. The beast turned its ugly face and motioned its body to face this unknown being. Instinctively Jayo should have charged towards the beast wielding his jagged stone. he feel down to his knees and the beast frantically inserted his teeth into the unknown being.

Its not as bad as a certain other poster says. Keep writing. There is a lot of interesting stuff going on here. And your word choice is often good.

Keep writing. I see a lot of potential in this.