Four Flights

[Jerrybaldy]

It was four flights of stairs to your room
handcrafted concrete, lovingly created.
A crucifix was on the landing,
Jesus wept on a plastic cross as we passed.
Freshly spilt piss meandered down
as we climbed.
CRASS was recently painted
by a prick unironic,
who got a new word for Christmas.
We passed a bike with no saddle,
a vacated spiders web,
a trail that may have been left by a snail
or a slug or sex.
We entered your room,
you poured us some gin mixed with cider,
told me you aren’t here and you screamed.
I burst into song
‘We have all the time in the world’.
You unbuttoned your skirt
let it slide down tan stained legs,
black satin panties,
outlined pubic bone,
as I left.

[Jack of Hearts]

as I left.

Shouldn't this be 'as I came'?








J

[Jerrybaldy]

not if you saw the crabs dancing sideways.

[Jack of Hearts]

This poem does a terrific job of describing the 'near-encounter' and it does it with ambience and mood. But why the narrator leaves in the final line, this reader has no idea.








J



EDIT: Flight of stairs, flight at the end... the piss and the snail trail?

[paradoxical]

Good poem, but gin mixed with cider? Man. :D

Seriously though, I do have a couple questions: When you say "spilt piss meandered down" do you mean piss as in alcohol?

I was also confused as to the narrator leaving but decided it meant that he was still present but outside of his self due to the ecstatic excitement of what was about to take place, similar to when the girl "told me you aren’t here". But I may be way off here.

[Bar22do]

Didn't N leave because, despite gin mixed with cider, it was all too much for him to -- proceed?

[Jack of Hearts]

Didn't N leave because, despite gin mixed with cider, it was all too much for him to -- proceed?

That actually makes a lot of sense. Everything builds up to the end, and finally the narrator is passed the tipping point? This reader will buy that interpretation. Bar saves the day.






J

[Hawkman]

I wouldn't have stayed either. Actually, I doubt if I'd even have entered the room after having been confronted with the scenery on the way. I'd need to be a lot younger than I am now. You have a knack for revealing the squalour of sordid intimacy, stripped back to the base urge of biological function.

Live and be well - H

[_Shannon_]

Shouldn't this be 'as I came'?








JBwahaha!:hurray:

[Jerrybaldy]

N left as when he got there he didn't care for the prize.
@Paradoxical. no its piss just as in piss :D
@Hawk. Just how old are you? I realise I have little idea, you seem too young to be old too old to be young. Does that make you 50ish??
Thanks all for taking time to comment.

[AuntShecky]

Good to see you posting again. I was wondering where you were.

About this one, am I way out in left field or is this vignette similar to that of the climactic (no pun intended) scene in The Crying Game?