9AM beside the river, Winter

[Silas Thorne]

Morning snowfall -
branches broken by the weight
of yesterday's thoughts

[Bar22do]

lovely haiku, silas!
P.S. Plus I really think the idea of yesterdays'
thoughts as morning snowfall is genial.

[PoeticPassions]

If I keep complimenting you, Silas, I'll inflate your ego ;)

So, in the spirit of that: meh, mediocre :P

[Hawkman]

I don't know why but it took me ages to work out what bothered me about this, but I think it's the fact that you refer to morning snowfall (implying today) and yesterday's thoughts. I suppose you can equate yesterday's thoughts falling as this morning's snow though. Anyway, it reads well.

Live and be well - H

[Jerrybaldy]

I agree with Hawk and to his answer to his own poser :)

Confess I did not know it was a haiku. But its a good one :D
cheers
JB

[Catamite]

I also agree with Hawkman, the abstract and the literal mixed in one thought doesn't because you shift the poem from an 'image' to a personal thought. And although I could understand rain as yesterday's thought possibly, not snow.

[Silas Thorne]

Thanks guys for your comments! This one wrote itself. Yes, when putting it on paper and thinking about it, I thought carefully about the 'yesterday's thoughts' thing, but don't think it's a problem, for me anyway. Thanks Hawkman for thinking so carefully about it though. :)

I didn't think to write a haiku, but this poem came. I'm unsure what it is. :)
Well, back to thesis editing!

[Jack of Hearts]

Jack of Hearts is president of the Silas fanclub, so there's a bias there. Didn't know this was a haiku, which probably speaks volumes about the skill taken to craft it. It's very 'zen,' man. Je le kiffe.







J

[firefangled]

I had no problem with morning snowfall and yesterdays thoughts (branches).

The image invoked for me was as if looking out on a scene where branches that were in the trees yesterday lie on the ground half-covered in the snow that broke them.

I suppose all this depends on whether you think of "morning snowfall" as snow falling in the morning or snow having fallen during the night, but viewed when looking out on the ground in the morning.

For me, I am the latter, so it was effective for me and I liked it very much, being currently in a state where my branches have been broken with the heaviness of yesterday's thoughts.

I would gladly join the Silas fan club.