what if

[cacian]

what if the world
just comes and goes
and you be the center of
days
would it make you feel
high and brave
to see your image
rise and roll
before your eyes
you see time flows
the breeze softly
taming your thoughts
gently waving a fringe
of yours
and painting you a frame
of self
only you can seal with
gold

what if the sun appears
and glows
your every word
with
single strokes
lifting each meaning to
a bow
would it take your
human approach
to be sophistication and
entente
with every beat your heart
applauds
life would smile a thousands
chords
ringing your every sense
of awe
making you
the jewels of dawn

[Buh4Bee]

Cacian- Would it be possible for you to find someone to read these before you post and have them help you clean up the language? Just a suggestion.

[AuntShecky]

I'm glad you're continuing to write and post. As with any other venture, practice makes perfect. We learn by doing, right? At least that's what John Dewey used to say.

Two areas you could consider improving: word choice and line breaks.

Select words that are "packed" with meaning, really specific evocative nouns and dynamic verbs. Words with multiple meanings are even better.

Your line breaks seem a bit arbitrary. There's nothing wrong with a one-word line, but it should be a power-packed one, not a mere functionary preposition like "with."

Keep writing. Keep reading lots of contemporary and modern poems and tips on the craft of writing verse.

[cacian]

Thank you both for reading and advice.
I shall continue reading checking and improving my style.