Why so few book clubs for men?

[tonywalt]

I can never figure this out, as most literature forums are about half male-including Onlit.

[Paulclem]

I've been to a book club with work, but I found I could never commit with other responsibilities getting in the way all the time. That's why I came on here.

Prendrelmick's in a book club he said once. I really like talking books, and a colleague of mine often chat about books and films - he's a real buff.

The other day I had a fascinating chat with another male colleague who is very well read in military history. It's great, but it just doesn't seem to gel into a male club. perhaps I should suggest it.

[tonywalt]

I am a member of a book club on the island and enjoy it quite a bit. It is a little awkward I must say. There is definately a female lean in terms of books chosen and viewpoints. The club has taught me that a large percentage of women have Awfully romantisized views on relationships. Also, they seem much more unsettled if a book doesn't have the sort of "Pretty Woman" ending. We have come to the point where the guys choose one book and the girls choose two. My idea:coolgleamA:

Yea, come to think of it, there are lots of friendly debates.

[JuniperWoolf]

It's apparently a "chick thing." Book clubs, along with feeling comfortable with attraction towards members of their own gender and showing emotion, are among the enjoyable things that most men seem to cut themselves off from deliberately for reasons that I don't understand.

[Lokasenna]

Because manly men don't talk about pansy art-stuff! Real men talk about football and knockers while crushing lager cans on their foreheads! And so on and so forth...

There is some kind of sense that literature is inherently feminine, though I must admit I've never quite understood why. I'm a member of two reading groups, and they are pretty gender equal - though perhaps the fact that they are university-based groups might have something to do with it.

Actually, now that I think about it, English as a degree is one where women make up the majority of students (except for the medieval side of things, which is a regular sausage-fest). I reckon probably about two-thirds to three-quaters of the students are female here in Durham - and from what I can tell that's indicative of English departments up and down the country.

Perhaps, therefore, reading is, on a national level, considered a feminine activity?

[JuniperWoolf]

It's true that in psych studies involving intelligence, women typically score higher in the language portions than men, and men tend to score higher in the math portions than women. Whether that's because of this sort of power of suggestion that's going on in which people "feel" like literature is for women and math is for men or whether there actually is some physiological difference in the brain is impossible to determine right now, but as years go on the numbers seem to be leveling off. More women are becoming good at math and more men are becoming good in language, so if it were really physiological you'd think it wouldn't change.

[tonywalt]

It's apparently a "chick thing." Book clubs, along with feeling comfortable with attraction towards members of their own gender and showing emotion, are among the enjoyable things that most men seem to cut themselves off from deliberately for reasons that I don't understand.

Mmm. True, I think that it is an environment where emotional exposure is key component. It's pretty funny that the meetings are held in the sideroom of our biggest bookstore -Books and Books. Very rarely would a mate come in there from the gym or rugby, but just in case I am ever heard I always make sure my verbal insights are decidedly masculine, even butch. "Yes, he had to be killed, and I don't think he had too much whiskey and women - good on him!" (and stuff like that).

[prendrelemick]

There are 3 men and about 20 women in my book club, the aerage age is about 65 I would say. We hae a laugh and a glass o wine and I get to read books I would neer otherwise read. About once a year we ind something really good.

When a book we all like turns up, the discussion short and boring, It's the contraersy that we look orward to, and I hae to say we are oten split on lines o gender.

ps. Some keys on my laptop are suering rom a sprinkling o tea.

[JuniperWoolf]

ps. Some keys on my laptop are suering rom a sprinkling o tea.

Haha, I thought you might be drunk.

[Lokasenna]

ps. Some keys on my laptop are suering rom a sprinkling o tea.


Haha, I thought you might be drunk.

I thought you might be Scottish...

There's definitly a faint wiff of haggis around the likes of 'We hae a laugh and a glass o wine'...

[PoeticPassions]

Culturally and evolutionarily speaking, women have tended to gather around social types of activities and bond, as well as sometimes communally raise children or do things in groups. While men also hunted in groups, a lot of male activity seems to have been more solitary or not so dependent on male bonding and social groups (in fact, males competed against each other more often or fought each other). So maybe these types of gatherings can even have an evolutionary reason to them... but also I agree with others that have noted that book clubs and such are seen as more feminine... particularly the aspect of sharing one's emotions and reactions to stimuli.

[tonywalt]

Very true Poetic. I also notice that women are not as comfortable with arguments and winning points about the book. When they do have disagreements with other female members there is always a high pitched reconciliation after the meeting. The guys don't ever make that sort of effort.

[Scheherazade]

Isn't it sexist to ask for men-only book clubs?

[tonywalt]

Everything is sexist , even sex.

[JuniperWoolf]

Culturally and evolutionarily speaking, women have tended to gather around social types of activities and bond, as well as sometimes communally raise children or do things in groups. While men also hunted in groups, a lot of male activity seems to have been more solitary or not so dependent on male bonding and social groups (in fact, males competed against each other more often or fought each other). So maybe these types of gatherings can even have an evolutionary reason to them... but also I agree with others that have noted that book clubs and such are seen as more feminine... particularly the aspect of sharing one's emotions and reactions to stimuli.

Well really, we've all developed, as a species, in an extremely communal atmosphere. It's not like men spent most of their time hunting, they would have been with the main community much more often than away from it. We all lived around a campfire for the greater part of 125,000 years. Also, it would have been much more dangerous for our ancestors to be solitary for any activity than it would be for them to work together - we have no claws, no fur, no fangs, the ace-in-the-hole for humans has always been cooperation (er, and thumbs). So, our ancestral males probably got very little isolation. They did compete, but competition doesn't supress emotion - if anything, it incites it. Also, competition is a bonding activity more than it is a dividing one.

This idea that men shouldn't show emotions is recent. Back in the day (http://www.cracked.com/article_19780_5-gender-stereotypes-that-used-to-be-exact-opposite.html), men were expected to cry, especially in situations where their honor or family was at stake. "As recently as the 19th century, male tears were actually celebrated as a sign of honesty, integrity and strength. And not in the you're brave enough to show your weakness way, but just as a symbol that you actually gave a crap. And it probably also meant you were confident that no one would mock you, since you had just won a battle or torn the limbs off of a monster with your bare hands."

So yeah, this idea that men should be emotionally dead and noncommunicative is a stupid modern thing, it's not inborn.


I also notice that women are not as comfortable with arguments.

Er, yes... quite...

:leaving:

[prendrelemick]

Very true Poetic. I also notice that women are not as comfortable with arguments and winning points about the book. .


I think that may be so, but you hae put the wrong emphasis on it. It's us men who like to see our arguements pre<ail.

The three men in my book club do seem to hae the more intractable opinions.

[tonywalt]

I think that may be so, but you hae put the wrong emphasis on it. It's us men who like to see our arguements pre<ail.

The three men in my book club do seem to hae the more intractable opinions.

True. It is very much the flip side of my view. We enjoy winning the game.

[Paulclem]

Wasn't there some study done about the differences in conversational style between men and women?

Men are supposed to be more competitive, whilst women are more supportive. It might explain some of the bother I've got into in the past.