Are you wearing? # 16

[Biggus]

ARE YOU WEARING CHAPS?

Are you wearing chaps?
And that perfectly fine of course
Apart from the one little fact
That you can’t ride a horse

ARE YOU WEARING DUNGAREES?

Are you wearing dungarees?
I think they are really nice
You should wear them more often
That would be my advice
Because I can strip you down
To your Knicks in a trice

ARE YOU WEARING A HAIRNET?

Are you wearing a hairnet?
You work at a baker’s shop I bet
I have a favourite Bakery
Where i find my favourite pastry
I particularly love baps and buns
The baker’s daughter has nice ones

ARE YOU WEARING A SHOCKED EXPRESSION?

Are you wearing a shocked expression?
Well that’s certainly the impression
But it’s never as bad as it seems
“You’ve just seen the girl of your dreams?”
“In which case you have my sympathy
Because I’ve had dreams like that you see”

ARE YOU WEARING GLITTER?

Are you wearing glitter?
On your down below
You’re all blinged up
Where only I should go
Your vajayjay been vagazzled
You’ve decked your minge
It looks like a disco ball
You might as well say blinge

ARE YOU WEARING THIS?

Are you wearing this?
What could be wrong?
Absolutely nothing
In fact nothing sums it up
There’s nothing to it
It covers nothing
And it leaves nothing
To the imagination

ARE YOU WEARING THIS AND THAT?

Are you wearing this and that?
A Purple and Chartreuse fleece
With sky blue corduroy flares
Watch out for the fashion police

ARE YOU WEARING THIS OR THAT?

Are you wearing this or that?
They both look really very nice
And you’ve tried on everything
In your wardrobes, twice
What’s wrong with looking nice?
I think they both look alright
I know you would prefer stunning
I would prefer to get there tonight

ARE YOU WEARING THAT?

Are you wearing that?
That’s what you’re wearing?
Seriously? It’s a little brief
Oh it’s certainly daring
Will it turn any heads?
Oh yes you’ll have them staring
And if that’s all you wear
Everything will get an airing

ARE YOU WEARING A JOHNNY?

Are you wearing a Johnny?
That’s naughty of you to presume
Unless you really are premature
God! Do you really come that soon?