The Fifth Circle

[Hawkman]

My inner sword is hard and sharp,
folded steel
tempered in fire,
under duress.

When I engage in battle
all my energy
is concentrated in the cut,
I do not slash.

I can cut you with my hand,
by thinking—
I can cut you
with a wooden stick

Hear me, my enemy,
my love,
victory is achieved
without drawing the sword.

I am the river
and the waterwheel.

[Silas Thorne]

Wonderful use of martial philosophy here!The esteemed warriors of old could wield both pen and sword equally well.
I was about to quibble over your use of punctuation, but then I realised that they were very meaningful in the poem. I hope that's what you intended anyway.
I like the tone in this. It has quite a bit of bite to it. Will return to comment more later.

[miyako73]

It felt like I was reading "The Book of Five Rings" or the diary of Yi Sun-shin.

[Hawkman]

Thank you both for reading. This one had been stewing in the back of my mind for a couple of days. Glad you think it's got some bite, Silas.

miyako, that you are reminded of the Go Rin No Sho is perfectly understanable, the title is quite a clue and I almost quote from it, but I'm less sure why the diary of Yi Sun-Shin would spring to mind, but then, I'm not too familiar with this myself. I have only read extracts from it. I would feel more confident of an association with Sun Tzu than Sun-Shin. :D

Live and be well - H

[miyako73]

I said, "it felt"-its serenity and clarity.

Yi sun-shin wrote these:

♣ Song of Hansando (Nanjung Ilgi, August 15, 1597)
In the Hansando Island, under the bright moon,
While standing alone on the watchtower over the water,
With a big sword held tightly in my hand,
I am falling into a deep pit of agony,
The melody of a flute from somewhere adds more concern.


♣ A Night in Hansando
The Sun falls into the vast sea in autumn,
A flock of wild geese, startled by coldness, flies high up into the sky,
During a restless night in agony,
The dawn moon, aloof, sheds light on bows and swords.

[Silas Thorne]

I saw the influence of the Go Rin No Sho in this. When you talk of the Fifth Circle, I take it you are talking of Void? It's the Fifth Ring in his treatise on this two sword style. One of the swords is your inner sword. Of course it's always better not to have to use the real one.

I like the active and passive of:
'I am the river
and the waterwheel'

I was wondering why you use a comma and not a full stop after 'concentrated in the cut' . Would it be stronger with a fullstop there?

Are you a martial artist, Hawkman? Or just interested in military strategy? I also like Miyamoto Musashi.

[Hawkman]

miyako: thanks for sharing the two poems, I even found the website. I think I'd have to agree that there is an element of serenity in both poems, but in mine, which is altogether more aggressive I think, that serenity is almost as an afterthought, coming as it does, only in the last two lines. Yi Sun-Shin's poems also present a contrast between serenity and tension: the images of nature offset by an impression of a natural, pre-battle apprehension.

Silas: I don't know why but I nearly always mix up the order of Rin & No when writing the title of this treatise. It's particularly irksome, considering that I have a copy in my library! I have corrected my earlier post - lol.

In answer to your first question, yes, it would be stronger, but not necessarily better. By using a comma I echo the function of the last line in S1 "under duress", as a qualification, referring to the tempering of the inner blade. Thus "I do not slash." becomes a qualification of, "all my energy is concentrated in the cut,"

The river is an oblique reference to the water book, about fluidity of thought and action, whilst the Waterwheel, is actually a move in swordplay. But there is so much going on in this poem and there are so many levels to it that I'm wary of spelling them all out. I'd rather the reader just took what they wanted from it, or found things as and when. :D

In answer to your second question, I have dabbled.

Live and be well - H

[Jack of Hearts]

Didn't understand, Hawk, but came up with an interpretation. Is it like a Samurai credo or something?

Anyways, this reader could still appreciate it.


is concentrated in the cut,
I do not slash.

That's an important distinction for anyone who's elegant with a sword!


I can cut you with my hand,
by thinking—
I can cut you
with a wooden stick

Just really liked this stanza. It seems to suggest a philosophy of 'cutting' if that makes sense- when you wield a blade as an artform, this reader guesses, you have a mental attitude toward 'cutting' in the same way all of us on here have a mental attitude toward writing poetry.

And the last bit is like Bruce Lee, except he said be like water maybe?

Anyways, enjoyable!





J

[Hawkman]

Jack: yes, one wouldn't want to conentrate on the finger and miss all that heavenly glory - lol.

The Go Rin No Sho is more than a guide to swordsmanship, just as The Art of War is more that a treatise on military stratergy. They can be interpreted as strategies for life, business - well just about anything. They are both available as free pdf downloads online by the way.


"Just really liked this stanza. It seems to suggest a philosophy of 'cutting' if that makes sense- when you wield a blade as an artform, this reader guesses, you have a mental attitude toward 'cutting' in the same way all of us on here have a mental attitude toward writing poetry."

Exactly!

Thanks for reading and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Live and be well - H

[ahsiam]

"victory is achieved
without drawing the sword."

loved those lines...:)

[Hawkman]

Thanks, I'm delighted you did :)

Live long and prosper - H